Just in a place where I am struggling for reasons and in ways I can't quite put my finger on. Nothing that comes out of me seems quite right recently. It feels so impossible to reach out...to my H, my T, my pastor, my friends, you wonderful people here. I'm feeling, both emotionally and sensation-wise, as if I am all tied up or restrained in some way, or like the meaning of what I am experiencing is locked up tight inside me. It is a profound feeling of the impossibility of connection with another human being and I just want to be able to feel like there is some thread, a tender cord, tying me to this human world, rather than binding me in some shadow realm where all I can do is strain to see the far off glimmer of what it means for a soul to touch another soul, however briefly, or for it to find God.

Is this what they call an existential crisis? If so, is there an existential crisis hotline that can help me out of this place?

I do not know of an existential crisis hotline, Yaku... I wish I could help you better. I know the pain of existential lonliness and despair. the only thing that you can do with those feelings, in my opinion, is suffer through them, and use skills to cope. Force yourself to do something good, even if it feels automatic, unfelt, unreal, and pointless. Just make your body keep moving as long as the movements are *good.* Hug your daughter, draw with her, write, scrub your floor, wash the car- make playdough, cook something- anything. Just pick something that feels doable and force yourself to do it until it is "done.". And then pick something else, and do that. It is extremely painful. I am deeply sorry for you.

(((Yaku)))

Staying busy with kiddos. Snuggling, coloring, making their lunch, etc. Thanks, BB. (((hugs))) I'll be OK.

((((((Yaku))))) I am sorry you are feeling like this...I'm sorry I can't offer much in terms of advice but I am really glad to hear you are keeping busy.

Go gently
Butterfly