I've sobbed many times in therapy, and I'm a "big, tough" guy. I mean, why the hell not? As far as I'm concerned, painful feelings that create tears are dying to be felt and get out, even if you don't know exactly what they are.

I also think, for me anyway, crying at times that before I never would have is a way of chipping away at the false self, the false ego that I've been living with my whole life.

Before therapy, I probably cried twice in 20 years. Those days are long gone.

Russ

Hi Russ... I didn't see your last post until just now... don't know how I missed it! Anyway, thanks for your input about crying. It's a good point you make there about crying now about things you wouldn't have cried about in the past... thanks.

Well, I just wanted to update you guys on how things have been going... not that all of you are waiting with great anticipation to hear about my sessions, but I kinda just wanna get it out, you know?

I have cried the last two sessions with my t... still no sobbing, boo-hoo crying, but enough that I actually had to SNIFFLE! That really isn't that big of a deal, I know, but it was noteworthy to me because I'm really weird about her seeing me/hearing me when I'm not all "pulled together." It's kinda like the first step to me letting her see a more "unpleasant" side of me. I still won't blow my nose in front of her though.

My most recent session was this morning and I'm not recovering all that well. I cried more than I ever have with her and for the first time, I couldn't shut down my tears even though I tried to make myself stop. It was weird... I just kept crying. A few times, I started to get almost-sobbish, but I covered my head with my hand-towel that I bring with me (cuz I don't want my shirt to be all wet when I go to work!!!) and just kept crying silently.

I guess, the problem is that I still feel really sad and like I wanna keep crying... but I wanna be with her because I don't want the sadness to totally envelope me when I'm alone. I wanna call her and say "uhhh, i'm still sad... what do I do now?" but i'm pretty sure we've talked about this before and I just can't remember... I hate being sad and I'm trying really hard not to just turn my sadness into anger again. i really don't wanna start cutting over this but I don't know if I can make a whole week feeling like this.

-CT

CT, I like hearing about people's sessions
This is our common interest here - our sessions and our therapists isn't it?
Congratulations on your crying upgrade. I'm wondering how you manage to go to work after session. I'm usually so shaken and emotional, that can bearly focus.

I was also feeling really sad after my last session, It's usually gradually getting better so take care and don't make yourself hurt more. My T told me that underneath tears and sadness are some other feelings. It all hurts so much, but it must be getting us somewhere. It must be.

CT,

I'm a crier. Sometimes I have uncontrollable crying (which I hate). A little over a year ago I cried for over a week - not a very good experience.

I think that your increase in emotion (the crying type) is a good thing. I know it is hard to let your T see you so vulnerable. I was like that for a while and I still have my days. I saw my T today also and had a little bit of crying to deal with. And when I left her office, I wanted to call her and be with her.

quote:

but I wanna be with her because I don't want the sadness to totally envelope me when I'm alone. I wanna call her and say "uhhh, i'm still sad... what do I do now?"

My sentiments exactly! I just know the sadness is going to engulf me and I'll be lost forever... (A bit dramatic there...) But it is how I feel. I'm not really sure why being with her with my sadness is so important for me.

I'm with Amazon though, I don't know how you go to work after a session... I'd be a basketcase!

KS

Hi CT,

Yeah, the crying thing can be tough. I don't know why it's so socially and culturally unacceptable, especially for men...you know, unless you're crying because you just won the Super Bowl or something. Yeah, it's OK then, right?

I look at it this way...if I'm feeling something and my body says it's time to cry, then that settles it. In then end, what your body says is more important than what other people think.

Something else I've been wondering about recently is if crying is sometimes a defense against anger. I think it's easier sometimes to be sad than to be angry, so the crying is a kind of resistance to the more difficult emotion.

Also, this may sound odd, but when I cry these days, it's not so much out of pure sadness, it's more out of a kind of intense poignancy, or a feeling of being really really moved, or a sense of longing mixed with some weird nostalgia. It's hard to explain.

Here's an example. One night I was laying awake and I started thinking about all the meals my mother made for me in my life; breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks, etc. In fact, I'm tearing up just writing about it here.

Now why does this make me cry? I'm not really sad about it...it's got more to do with thinking about each one of those meals as an act of love for me from her, and that is what moves me to tears I think. It's more poignant than sad.

Russ

Hi Russ
Yeah, I really feel sorry for men sometimes that they can't let others see their weak and emotional side. That it's unacceptable. I never saw my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) crying which I regret. Not that I wanted him to feel bad.
I wonder when is the moment in boy's life that he realises crying is forbidden for him?
It's never forbidden for girls.
Cheers,
Amazon

quote:

Originally posted by Amazon:
I wonder when is the moment in boy's life that he realises crying is forbidden for him?

Amazon,

I think this can happen in many ways. One or both of his parents can send the message that "big boys don't cry," and then of course he could get this idea at school or around other kids.

Kids are incredibly cruel, and they were cruel to me for sure. If you're a quiet reserved kid like I was, you are most certainly going to be picked on and called all sorts of names and be accused of being a fag, etc, etc. And if you feel it's not OK to cry, then it all just turns to anger.

I also wanted to add something else. I think part of why people cry without really knowing why is because the part of us that makes up our conscious selves - the selves we know each of us as when we're awake - is the very tiny tippy top of the iceberg. The rest is like a gigantic hidden mountain below the water's surface, and that's where all this stuff comes from. And, the unconscious ain't all that interested in explaining every little thing to the conscious ego, but it is the one that knows.

To quote my T, the problem with consciousness is that it has an answer for everything, and usually the wrong answer. Compared to the unconscious, ego consciousness is a novice when it comes to emotions.

Russ

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