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This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Jo>,

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Jo>,

I agree with draggers. I often am on as a guest from my phone or work computer and then log on when I get home to post so I might view a post multiple times before I answer.

Also I lurked a long time before I posted and I found it essential before I could post about my own struggles.

Hi Jo,

I do the same as the others sometimes. Keep up, but without necessarily having the particular energy and time required to think through and post responses. I think many if not most of the non-visible members and lurkers probably fall in this category.

It can be really hard to be witness to people's pain if we want to leap in and try to fix it or make it go away somehow. I struggle a lot with this in my relationship. But I'm learning that often what heals persistent emotional pain is not striving to fix it, but simply being with it.

If you're feeling compelled to respond more than you would like to, perhaps just focus on noticing the feelings that seem compelling. When people post, they are already processing their own feelings and doing the work of healing. I know lots of us feel uncomfortable when we post and then there's a quietness - but maybe accepting the feelings that happen in that quietness is a big part of this work too.

Take care,
Jones

Hi. I am one if these 'lurkers' because I am not brave enough to post. I read here frequently, have found these discussions immensely helpful, but I do not feel knowledgeable enough to share insight, secure enough to share about myself, nor connected enough to offer support. I am sorry if we 'lurkers' are bothersome. I feel that I have gotten to know you all, have taken so much, and feel guilt for not being able to offer anything in return, but I just have not found the courage to plunge in. I am sorry if all of the guests make regular posters uncomfortable. I can appreciate that and I am sorry.

Hi,

Like some others here, I too hardly ever log out, but that dosen't mean I am present all the time. Guess I am lazy and the fact for whatever reason I hate going thru the process of logging in.

There are also times I am present here but am logged out but the page may or may not be minimized. All of this depends on just how I am feeling or coping at that particular time or moment.

I feel bad so many times for not giving support to others in their time of need but so many times I feel inadequate to say anything to support or make them a little more at ease or to let them know I hear and feel for them.

Like UV it is very rare for me to ever shut down my system, Just too much hassle to start up again.

I've stopped worrying about it. I lurked for months and months before I ever posted a thing. I read, got to know people through their stories, found tons of stories that I could relate to and finally just decided to post and see how it went (obviously it went well ) I don't blame people for lurking at all. I think what is dealt with here is really hard stuff and for some people just reading and connecting to others' stories might be enough to get them through a rough spot. For others they need to post and interact. Different things work for different people. I choose to be as vague as possible about identifying details, but other than that I am pretty open because that is how I get the most from the forum. I would drive myself crazy if I tried to think about who all might be reading.

I think the post counts are not indicative of #'s of people, because anytime someone clicks on a post it ups the post count. It is how many times a thread is opened (I think) rather than actual #'s of people.

I totally understand the vulnerability in posting here and worrying about others reading. I've chosen to look at it as a necessary vulnerability in order to get needs met that I couldn't get met elsewhere.

I'm always automatically logged on so I don't appear as a guest. I'm not here all the time but the window with the psychcafe is basically always open.

We all used to be lurkers and we are good people so I just think the lurkers are, too.

It's weird because maybe a lurker out there "knows" me, as permafrost obviously, and knows my story and I have no idea that person exists but it doesn't really matter to me.
I care more about what you guys think than what a sort of invisible mass thinks.
I do like to meet new members though.

Hiya Jo...good questions here!

I am a former lurker, turned regualr poster. I ofetn don't log off.. even though I amy not be on here for long periods of time.

I just want ot say that I absolutely *love* the lurkers...strange sounding maybe...but I really do! I think that anybody who cares enough to read here about our problems and struggles, is either suffering themselves and will feel less alone from knowing others feel the same- or, they are trying to learn more, and I honor that as well. I do not think anybody reading here is voyeuristic or something like that. I kinda like knowing there are a whole bunch of people "out there" who can actually care about us or our stories as a part of the human family. It makes me feel less alone. and- the reality is that anyone who reads a post and doesn't reply to it is a lurker...so, we are *all* lurkers, really. And that is totally ok. There is sometimes just nothing to say, but in the reading, we *care.* Even if we say nothing. I can think of someone on here that I rarely, if ever reply to, whose story *deeply* touches me, and has affected me- but that I cannot somehow find the words I need to respond adequately to.. so, my response has been, that I...lurk.

But I totally respect the opinions of others...this is just mine- this is just how I feel about it. So from me to the lurkers....those who post and those who don't- hello!

I love your wonderfully honest posts, Jo...

hugs,

BB

FlamingoDomingo (I love that name), Marsh and everyone, I strongly feel you're very welcome here whether you post never or a little or a lot.

I think it sometimes feels uncomfortable for people according to how they imagine the 'lurkers' (it's a terrible word - I like 'readers' better) but that's just part of the process of getting used to being open, which is what we do by posting here. With BB I love that there are readers who are getting something out of all the insight and experience shared here, and maybe it's helping them on their journeys too.

Jo, it is tricky to get used to, but I hope it is helping to talk it through. It's really normal to feel these concerns, I think.

Jones

I like to call them visitors and I tend to think that even being a witness to someone else's story, without participating in it, is an important role in the world, so I like them here too. I know many of us started out as visitors. I do understand, however, how it can be difficult for people who are expecting evaluation or judgement. It's like being in a public place and a dozen people look your direction. They may be looking at something or someone else, but it's hard not to notice it and wonder, right?

oh yeah I mean I know that some people are just testing the waters and "lurk" (Now I wish I had used a nicer word because I didn't mean it in a bad way necessarily) for a while before posting. Or there are people who simply get a lot out of reading and probably don't want to post etc. I do get that but for some reason I got worried about things like the idea that what if this became the focus of a study? Lol Although I think in some ways that would be good because I think a lot of present and future Ts could learn a whole lot from this forum right along with the rest of us don't you? I guess I got PAD with a twist of paranoia. PPAD. Paranoid Posting Anxiety Disorder. Or how about Paranoid posting paralysis.

I don't know what is up with me lately on this whole front here. I get a lot out of coming here but something obviously is getting to me. I don't totally understand it. I do appreciate once again all the responses and certainly I don't want anyone to feel bad about "lurking" unless it is beyond personal reasons. Then I think "Well what is that about?" But if this forum can help anyone out then all the more power to them.

Right now I just feel I don't belong anywhere and I think it's coming out here. I finally have an incredibly helpful T in my life. and now I guess it seems that other things are falling apart or something.I seem to find reasons to not be around people. I mean it's pretty easy for me to walk away sometimes. Not here really. I like that this is not face to face here. I like that a lot. It makes it easier for me.

All of you had great responses and you all helped me in one way or another. Again!

Miss sensitivity today.

I would some day be interested starting a chat room like through skype or something. Wouldn't that be cool? (Maybe more scary too) But you can do that now.

Peace

Jo - I almost posted about that paranoid thought you had (saying I know it is a concern to some people), but I was afraid of putting it into your (or other peoples') heads if it hadn't occured to them before. I try to see that as, yes, a very good thing if Ts are learning more about what it is like to be a client, so they can be better Ts. My T asked about this site and I almost wanted to tell him, "Yeah, OK, go ahead and read on here," but I felt like that would be invading other peoples' privacy, since they give their opinions on my therapy experience and might not want the person they are giving the opinions about reading it.

quote:

I like that this is not face to face here. I like that a lot. It makes it easier for me.

I think if I told my T I was coming here for support she might be upset with me. One of my 'problem areas' is social anxiety. Some of my best friends are those I have never met face-to-face because I 'met' them on pregnancy forums. The internet is a place to bring people together. Maybe my T would think this is okay. I've hesitated to give a real intro and I have lurked for the most part for a few months now....I think I just may post a little bit more about me in the person stories/therapy section and try not to lurk so much. I don't think I'll tell T about this though, although, I know she wants me to go back to "group." Maybe I can just tell her I have (by being here) LOL

Ninn

ha ha, sorry about that DF- thanks for taking one for me, though, you rock.

(oh please, don't let this be page three! )