Hi Echo,

First of all, thanks for being so brave about posting this topic. I also "googled" my T and felt really bad about it. On a more humorous note, all I got was LOTS of information about a well-known musician (he happens to have the same name).

From your other posts about your T, I seem to remember that he had some trouble holding the boundaries and not taking your feelings personally. If I'm remembering that correctly, then maybe discussing this with him would not be the safest option for you. As hard as it would be, is there any way you could take this up with a new T?

I'm not making that suggestion lightly. I've posted in another thread about the fact that I may have to work through my own feelings for my T with another T. I would have told him about the googling, and about my more personal feelings/thoughts about him, but he kept stopping me. I still don't know why, but I'll be finding out in the coming week. I did find out from another T that he doesn't have formal training in "this type" of therapy (working with transference feelings, I guess), so that may have something to do with it (even though he told me that he "helped" another patient through feelings like this). In addition, during several of our sessions, I had the impression that he was taking some of my feelings personally (although it wasn't nearly as obvious as your T). Whatever the reason(s), if he can't help me learn from these feelings, then the ethical thing to do is refer me (I keep telling myself that because it still makes me feel really sad that I probably won't get to talk to him anymore).

I agree that just sitting with these feelings doesn't make them go away. Once they're there, we need to work them out with someone. But it must be with someone SAFE who will not take advantage of our feelings or shame us about them, but help us learn from them. I hope you can find someone like that to work this out with.

((((echo))))

Take care,
SG

Having googled most of my doctors, I would say that it's not a big deal for the most part. I think that looking for home addresses, family webpages, facebook pages and the like is probably not a good idea. But looking for information on them professionally is ok. Things like their credentials, specialties, office address / phone numbers (if you are like me and chronically loosing these things).

I'm going say that the googling itself is not the important part here, it's working through the feelings you have.

I want a decent picture of my therapist, is that too creepy? ;P

Hi Echo,
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone, I've definitely googled my therapist. I went through an intense period of wanting to know more about him partly from a need to determine if he was really trustworthy I think but also because I was desparately looking for a way to feel closer to him in between sessions. At one point, I hit the jackpot. His new grandaughter (whom he had told me about because he had to cancel a session last minute which extended a five week gap due to vacations to a six week gap and he tends to explain cancellations if there not patient related.)had a blog,written by her mother, with pictures and everything. He had posted a comment using his full name (not the most tech savvy man in the world!) which is how I found it. It has all kinds of lovely info which allowed me to put together a fairly accurate family tree and learn alot about vacations and holidays. The worst part was that I couldn't stop reading it, I read it from the first entry all teh way through (it covered around a year and a few months at that point). I felt horrible because it felt like I was violating my Ts privacy but I couldn't stop reading. And it ate me alive because his family just looked so wonderful and all I could think of was how badly I would have wanted to have him for a grandfather. Do you know how pathetic it feels to be jealous of a year and a half old? But the worst part was feeling like I knew so much that my T didn't know.

So I did one of the most scary things I've ever done, I walked into a session and told him I had done it. I have never been so terrified in my life (including when I told him I was attracted to him the first time) because I was totally convinced that he was going to tell me we needed to terminate, that I had crossed a line. But if I didn't tell him, then he didn't know everything and I knew on some level I would believe that the only reason he hadn't left me was because he didn't know everything. Then therapy would get blocked and he would have no idea why.

It all came spilling out in one terrified rush and I apologized. I couldn't even look at him I was so ashamed and was hard to understand because I was crying so hard. And I will never, ever, ever forget what he said to me when I finished. In the gentlest, kindest tone imaginable he said "and yet you choose to tell me?" I have no way to describe how I felt to hear that.

He was amazingly understanding and let me know that he really understood the drive for a patient to know more. He completely normalized it for me, assured me that he wasn't offended and then proceeded to ask me how I felt about what i found and what had I been looking for. It ended up leading to a lot of breakthroughs in therapy.

Now I'm not sure that every T would react that well, he really is pretty extraordinary and has non-defensiveness down to a fine art, BUT I wanted you to know that I think it's a normal and understandable reaction to go looking for information when this kind of intense attachment relationship occurs. So don't feel bad.

And I'm a big fan of working it through and talking about it with your T. I think it's through examining these feelings that so much deep work can get done in therapy. So if you feel like you can trust him to handle it, I think going back, far from being pathetic or something to be ashamed of, would be very brave.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of about how you're behaving. Your behavior is being driven by very deep needs that are felt as life and death. The fault isn't with you, its with the fact that these very basic needs went unmet.

AG

Hi Summer,
Thanks! I love him too! He really is amazing, I believe he has a real calling for this work and I'm glad he heeded it.

Echo,
How can you know something will turn out so badly and still want it? You're human! I definitely understand how you're feeling. Sometimes wanting something more can literally physically hurt. And I've been in the place at times that I don't care what the price would be, I still want it. Which is why I'm so very glad that I can trust my T. I swear to you that I actually believe that if I walked into his office and stripped naked, he would quite calmly ask me to put my clothes back on and then ask my why I felt I needed to be naked. (Although in all fairness, I don't think I present too much of a temptation even naked! But you get what I mean.)

As my T keeps telling me, emotions are not always rational. And you'd be amazed what you can learn expressing feelings that you know to be irrational. So don't be too hard on yourself.

AG

Hi echo

I think your T didn't want any privacy.
If he really wanted privacy on the internet
"Especially on the internet" then his facebook or whatever should set to be private.

It's a small world isn't it?

wouldn't he have that common sense???

quote:

Originally posted by echo:
This is horribly embarrassing to admit, but I've googled my shrink on more than one occasion. I quit therapy two months ago due to the erotic transference monster that was taking over my brain, but instead of moving on, I feel like it's getting even worse! I'm tempted to go back to him and tell him about it. Even my therapist friend who originally advised me to quit therapy is now saying maybe I need to go back and work this out. I'm ashamed of myself for the way I'm behaving/ living in a fantasy world.

Hi echo

I don't see anything wrong with googling your T.
I wanted to find out about my counsellor but no luck. (I was hoping to find any feed back from his previous clients)

everyone wants to know everyone's business around here... and you never know who is reading your posts or my posts.

There is nothing's wrong with googling your T's. If your T wants privacy, he won't put anything on the internet anyways.

I just wish that you wouldn't feel horrible or embarrased... everyone does it anyways

How about how much personal information do T's should put on-line?

such as where he is attending his university, what type work he has done, which city he is from and even including his personal web site address...

I googled my T and found all that info at once.
Then after termination, I was feeling so lost and I was just stuck to the internet and trying to find anything and BINGO! I found something.
Yeah, lots of pictures...

wonder why he hasn't change the setting to private...

well, I guess I am part of public so I didn't feel any bad looking at all his personal pictures. If he is uncomfortable that anyone, especially including his clients might end up finding his pictures on-line, he wouldn't have done it anyways...

I can't google my T, which is probably a good thing. I don't even know his full name.
I just look up the place where he is/was training, I don't know what for. He doesn't have his pratice yet, so I can't find any details about him on the web.

quote:

Originally posted by Amazon:
I can't google my T, which is probably a good thing. I don't even know his full name.
I just look up the place where he is/was training, I don't know what for. He doesn't have his pratice yet, so I can't find any details about him on the web.

Hey Amazon, it's a good thing
Very Very good thing.
I admire your T.
Of course some clients will google thier T's
If you can't find any information about your T on the internet. It's best for clients.
+ if your T wants full privacy, he wouldn't put anything about himself on-line anyways...