It's awful lonely here lately.

Not that I've been around terribly long ... but I'm still lurking.

I'm trying to work up the courage to start a thread. Not sure exactly what I want to write about, I'll give it some thought.

Sorry i haven't been around too much... I'm dealing/avoiding dealing with a lot and talking about it makes it worse sometimes. I'm still reading... just don't have too much to give as of late.

I'm proud of you CG for making it through the anniversary. I was thinking about you... Sorry I'm not really all that supportive for you in regards to your mother. My mother died almost 4 years ago and i still have a lot of anger/resentment/sadness about it so it's hard for me to reach out about things like this. Especially because your story hits pretty close to home for me in some ways (one time my mom convinced us all that she "had leukemia" and "went through chemo"- shaved her head and all- but it was a HUGE plot to get attention that lasted for almost a year... i was in 9th grade at the time and didn't know what was going on- i thought she was going to die then- very emotionally traumatic). Anyway, I've been thinking about you lately but sometimes it is best for me to be quiet.

-CT

Z- I hope to see a topic from you soon! Nice to meet you if I haven't said hi before!

-CT

I am sorry I have not been around. I am still adjusting to not having a T and working on my issues on my own. School keeps me busy constantly too. I hope everyone is well.

Hi CG,

Ditto on the other posts. Been busy and not really up to posting But always reading and checking up.

I hope you are all well!

Holly

I'll weigh in here...but mostly to echo everyone else.

I've doubled my T time...so I'm swamped and totally self-absorbed. I am also doing a TON of homework. All grist for the mill...eh?

But in the meantime...

Has anyone been watching In Treatment on HBO? It's been really good.

I hope everyone is continuing to process. I'm sure we will have something to share soon...and the threads will pick up.

SD

Hi SD

Yeah I had stumbled across "In Treatment" the other night. One of those nights when there wasn't anything else on and I happened to give up looking on that channel I was pretty impressed and found myself glued to the TV listening to stories and treatment around OCD. It was quite interesting and I'll look for it again. Has it been running long?

Holly

Catgirl: I was hesitant to lurk or pick up a new thread. I can only imagine your feelings about your mother. I have no children but folks that may soon stand in for them if I am fortunate. They have always been a chore, but not too bad. Pardon my dancing around details, it is my style. That or taking tangents off some.

I was listening to a talk show about fear and one caller appreciated the humor of the host. The callers were to call in about what they feared. I was going to call in to say: If laughter is the best medicine, I fear that someday a prescription will be needed.

I guess I just demonstrated another Element of Style for me: humor. But I will add that I heard once that the purposes of feelings were to feel things. I have experienced loss and the best feeling was to feel it without limits.

Also two thoughts came to mind on your associating with Memorial Day. First that it could be helpful to have the company of others honoring Memorial Day but then that it might be better to honor them on one day and your mother on her day or heck everyday.

BW

Hi SD,

Sorry, I was wrong. The show I watched was called "Obsessed" not "In Treatment". I'll have to look for the one you mentioned

Hi everyone.

I have been away for a while. Haven't even been reading so I have a lot to catch up on. I watched "IN treatment" the other day. I was interested in some of the sessions and others were a snore fest for me. I wonder if that's what it's like being a psychologist??

I have had a rough time finding a new therapist after the one I saw for so many years retired. I am reluctant to say I found the right one now because when I say that it suddenly turns out to be not true. This is the third one I have tried since she left. Anyway this new one seems cool. Understandably I feel scared to engage with a new therapist but what I like about this new one is that she understands that. Such an improvement from T1 who seemed to resent my fear of that. Man when you get an awful T they can really do a number on you if you let them.

Hi Jo,

I hope it works out with your new therapist...what do you talk about when you don't 'engage'?--just curious since sometimes I have 'nothing' to talk about, I start thinking I need to end therapy, then I start panicking, then I start feeling transference, and then.... so I was just wondering ...(Ihave issues about having 'nothing' to talk about and feeling invisible/boring to my T, too...). Today, I see my T for an 'extra' session because of some intense sadness I've been experiencing...of course, now that session day has arrived, I am completely fine and I am panicking because I have 'nothing' to talk about--I'm afraid I am wasting her time, am boring, am invisible, etc....sigh...mlc

quote:

Today, I see my T for an 'extra' session because of some intense sadness I've been experiencing...of course, now that session day has arrived, I am completely fine and I am panicking because I have 'nothing' to talk about--I'm afraid I am wasting her time, am boring, am invisible, etc

I have had that happen before. I know how you feel pretty much. What I usually do then is talk about that. I talk about what you said above. That I feel bad taking her time when I feel better now etc. I would also talk about worrying about boring her and that I feel invisible etc. Because that is what is really going on for you. I have to say though that the invisible feeling seems like it would be an interesting thing to explore. You see from there you can get to what's underneath.

GOod luck

JO

Oh and when I say I that I am scared to engage I mean that I am afraid to start trusting and talking beyond the surface if that makes sense.

Thanks Jo,

I think I will take your advice and talk about the invisible/boring feelings...I tend to think that I have no identity other than my problems and/or the only way I deserve to have needs met is if I'm in a crisis/sick, etc. I appreciate you responding to my post..I hope you are doing okay...I look forward to hear how you are making out..mlc

mlc,

I used to feel that way too. After all why go see a therapist if there isn't some crisis looming over you? But what I have learned is that the real work gets done when the crisi pass. That's when you can really examine what causes that stuff. And another thing I found out is that it's not uncommon for people to feel this way. I have found that when I settle down and look inside at what is really going on that is when I truly get to where I am wounded and oddly that's when I have the best connection not only with my T but also with myself. I have to remind myself that it's okay just to be who I am when I am talking to my T. I don't have to entertain her. I sometimes ask her if she's bored. So far she has said she is not. But then I have only seen this one for a few weeks. I really hope it works out with her. I have been through too many Ts lately looking for the right one. I have to say though that I am so incredibly happy that I left the last one I saw. I doubted it for a bit but now that I am seeing this new one who is really cool and laid back I know I did the right thing leaving the OCD T.

Jo