***possible trigger: about verbal abuse of a child***

Is it normal for a parent to break down and call a 6 year old curse words? I’m not asking if it is ok – it isn’t… but is it typical? I’m not a parent – I just watched this happen today (and yes, I helped it to stop) but it has me wondering… I just don’t know what is typical… I think it is bad to compare parents, and that is not my goal at all. I’m just trying to figure out what is common. I really don’t know… I don’t even think this is an answerable question. How in the world am I supposed to know what ‘normal’ is? ugh.

Hrm...I would think, probably not. Does that mean good parents never make such mistakes? No. But, I don't think that's a standard childhood experience or one that a lot of six-year-olds should expect to receive from their parents. I was sworn at a lot and I won't lie that I have said curse words in front of my daughter, usually when physically injured. But, calling your child curse words (I'm assuming inappropriate names)? Probably not typical.

I had that experience in my childhood, but it was more toward my late elementary school or preteen age that such things happened to me. Before that, I was sworn at, but not "called" anything. And my mom wasn't exactly a model parent...


By the way, so great that you helped to stop it! I hope the parent really thinks about the experience and finds another way to deal with it next time.

Thanks Yaku

Yeah, I know the child really well, and I just couldn’t do nothing… I offered to watch the kid while the parent cooled off, and when they came back, they actually asked me for advice – not about the yelling and swearing – just about the fact that their kids listens to me, but acts out a lot more with them… (which I have seen lots of other kids do – it has nothing to do with me, and just is how kids are.) We did talk for a bit. I know someone who knows the parent more who is going to talk to them too. Yes, maybe this is overkill, but it is not an isolated incident… and with little kids, I rather error on the side of too much than too little concern…

He was yelling at his son some of the same vulgar names my father used to call me. It just broke my heart. I don't think the father knew what else to do, but shiesh.

It all stirred up this idea for me as to what is common? Is this common? I don’t know… Yeah, very good parents screw up – probably often. There are no perfect parents, and parents don’t need to be perfect. I could totally see myself accidentally swearing in front of kids if I got hurt or slipping up now and then. I can see how yelling curse words while yelling at a kid could happen too, especially when they are older. It’s not good, but it happens - we all slip up in many ways in our own lives. But calling such a young child such severe curse word names because they were crying about having a flat tire on their new bike? He's 6! Kids cry about that stuff. THAT is normal and common and expected. Sometimes I think I'd cry as an adult over a flat tire... (not in front of anyone - but still, yeah, I know, I am a mess.)

Anyhow, I feel bad, as I am not the parent, nor a parent - so it felt weird to step in. However, no one stepped in for my parents… and I so wish they had… for their sake and mine.

I think I am realizing it was all very triggering for me and I'm having a hard time shaking it off…

(((Jane))) I'm sorry and I totally understand. It would totally be triggering to me too. I'm sorry it has you triggered, but still glad you were there to help out.

I was verbally abused as a child and it seemed "normal" to me, but when I witness it being inflicted upon another child, I cannot handle it. Being a witness to that sort of thing sends me into a very agitated state and I become very angry at the parents. It is almost more tolerable to have experienced the abuse first-hand as a victim than it is to witness it as a bystander.

Jane, I think it's amazing that you were triggered by it and yet at the same time dealt with it in such a mature and helpful way and were able to put a stop to this abuse incident. i hope you're really proud of yourself!

puppet

quote:

Is it normal for a parent to break down and call a 6 year old curse words?

Absolutely not, Jane. NOT normal and NOT acceptable.

Yelling and swearing are so confusing for children. My SIL is a social worker at an elementary school, and this is one of the "red flags" for her that she needs to check into a child's home life...when a kindergardener starts cursing it's a red flag...and she talks to the parents to find out what's going on at home, and why their 5-year old knows the f-word.

Have I yelled at my boys? Unfortunately, yes. But yelling and cursing at kids is a huge warning sign that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

thanks puppet and BG - that helps a lot.

I was begining to feel awful I said anything, but today now I just feel awful for this kid. I'm glad I was able to help the parent and the kid out yesterday, and I hope that they can both get more support after the other person I know talks to them.

I hope it really is uncommon for kids to have to deal with this. It is heartbreaking. The father loves his kid, AND he needs to find better ways to handle it all. FOr his kids sake and his own...

I feel sick today about all of it - it really stirred up something deep for me. But I am glad to know I wasn't out of place to do something.

thanks
~jd

Jane,

Not out of place at all for you to do something and I'm amazed that amidst being triggered that you were able to be a voice for that child. Hopefully it leads to positive change for the parent and the child.

In answer to the original question, no it's not normal and not okay to curse at a child. I think all parents have moments of frustration where they raise their voice and might not handle themselves the best, but cursing and yelling at a child is abusive and not okay.