quote:

JM, it's interesting that your dreams and your conscious aren't working on the same level. Dreams: "T is good! secure, safe, hooray!" Life Character: "Gonna. End in. Flames." Amygdala-Fellow: "Must flee!"

That IS really intersting Wynne. Would love to explore that deeper if anyone has any more feedback. Though I get why dreams and our conscious state can be seperate a lot of times.

I just got off the phone with my dad and eventhough the conversation was pretty benign I just didn't want to talk to him. Our relationship has always been strained b/c of his raging alcoholism and lunatic fringes. But he is 83 yrs old and growing quite feeble so I suck it up and push aside my feelings like the good little daughter I was taught to be. I was feeling like I want to run away before and I want to even more now.

This song keeps playing in my mind:

Lyrics to What Would They Say by Paul Williams:

What would they say
If we up and ran away
From the roaring crowds
And the worn out city faces
Would they carry on and on
When they found out we were gone
Or would they let us go
Would they tag along
Or would they know to

Leave us alone
We'd live in the country
Leave us alone
We'd make it just fine
Happy in a one room shack
And we'd not look back
Now would we

What would they do
If they found out we were through
With all the little lies
And the downtown aggravations
That we'd traded them away
For a quiet country day
That we had hoped to share
Would they try to find out
Where we were or

Leave us alone
We'd live in the country
Leave us alone
We'd make it just fine
Happy in a one room shack
And we'd not look back
Now would we

What would they say
If we up and ran away
Ran away

JM

If your feelings aren't normal then make some room for me on the same ship. I never thought my feelings were normal, but you just took them straight from my head! Not allowed to express your feelings -- ditto. Didn't know they existed --ditto. etc, etc, etc.

I have also been scared to death to go to my session with my T because of something I had written to her. Yes, I wanted to run the other way. Why would I want to put myself through such torture? Trust me, you will make it through. It won't be easy by any means. Your T sounds great and she will help you through the pain. Just think how proud you will be of yourself and how much better you will feel after it is over.

My thoughts are with you.

PL

JM,
I just had to tell you that the lyrics to that song describe the feeling perfectly. I've had days where I've thought about how far can I get on my cash and credit cards before someone could catch up to me? Thank heaven I had kids, because it's impossible for me to leave them. But man, do I understand wanting to run.

AG

I think your dreams and your conscious working on different levels is very interesting. I always pay attention to my dreams, when I remember them. In your case, I think that deep down you really know that your T is your secure base, but your conscious just doesn't want to admit it because of your past experience.

I've read that when you dream about other people you aren't really dreaming about them, but about some quality you want to possess in yourself, or a quality that you have yourself that you want to do away with, or a change that is taking place. I assume that you're working on handling conflict and avoiding panic in therapy, and your T has always been your base. From what I see, you are learning how to do these things for yourself, and you can actually sense that this change is taking place. So maybe your T in your dream is really you as you are learning how to cope better.

Well, that's my highly uneducated and unprofessional dream analysis for the day.

And I totally get wanting to run away. Like AG, sometimes I think if it weren't for the kids I'd be off on a deserted island somewhere.

I hope your day is better.

OW