Hi everyone, again. I may have missed when this was previously posted, or something like it was posted, but it's been floating around in my mind lately.

Is there a point when your T gets fed up with you coming? And how do you know you don't need it anymore?

I'm having trouble with this because I do a lot of self-reflection before and after the sessions. I see myself as coming to him for friendship, for something to do. Or, I feel this is how he sees me. I have this thing where, I could be terribly depressed/anxious but I *look* so happy that it throws my T off. So I often wonder if he feels that I don't need therapy, that I am wasting his time, and my time.

That is the boat I am in.

I have been seeing my T since October this year and right now, I could see myself having to continue through this coming summer. I feel a little embarrassed only because I have already irritated him once, what if my continuing of therapy irritates him even more? Pardon my amateurishness, I have an awful, awful inferiority complex (especially when it comes to persons of authority) and I can't help the need to please them and follow their suit. It's rough, but I can't make it disappear.

So if any of you can give me some insight on all this I'd appreciate it. Maybe I am worrying too much and I should just go with the flow, and not think there's a CERTAIN way to do therapy.

Thank you

Hi Caeti...there really is no timetable for therapy. I am just approaching my second year with my T and I feel we still have a long way to go. When I get stressed about it my T reminds me that this is a process and it is not always linear... it can go back a step or in circles or sideways for awhile. And he reminds me that I can only go as fast as I can go. It sort of takes the pressure off. But I understand you feeling like he's going to be annoyed with you if you stay around too long. That is something that is probably coming from your past. You mention that he got irritated with you once before...in whay way? Did he actually tell you he was irritated or did you assume he was? My T also reminds me not to decide how HE is feeling without asking him first LOL.

The fact that you approach him smiling while feeling sad and anxious is something you learned to do as a child when you were afraid to show your true feelings and were not able to get your needs met... actually you probably felt that you were not entitled to HAVE any needs. I would start with your T by telling him that you do this. That you smile while inside you are depressed. That would be helpful for him to know. It is not your job to appear happy for the sake of your T. He should accept however you are feeling at the moment.

Good luck and let us know how things are going.

TN

Wow Caeti, I do the same thing with my T and never really thought about it. TN thanks for that advice. The next time I see my T with the sometimes false happy face- I will explain that to him. He sees through it anyway, so I guess it is more of me recognizing what I am doing. Good insight TN.

Hi TN! Thank you for your help. You've calmed my nerves actually.

I can hear that it is not a linear process, but I do not understand it yet. You are correct about it all going back to my childhood--on two counts. Firstly, I have always turned my parents into people who get "short" with me-- thus later in my life feeling as if I am on the verge of annoying anyone who enters my path because I never ever enjoyed the pain that came with my folks showing such aggravation. Secondly, I had it pumped in me that when I showed my visible upset, (to my parents, other family members), there would be consequences such as belittling, scolding and any other shame-inducing feelings.

So yes I have always appeared happy, and you know, it is a great idea to bring this up to my T. I feel it will help because I am picking up, intuitively, that he feels I don't need his help. Although I very much do. The clarification will straighten things out! And ease my mind even more!

I hope my T can connect all of this like you do! I'm sure he can. He has already put on the kid gloves, so to speak. Something that a lot of people do whilst I'm in their presence! He is even going back to art therapy-- which is something he did when he worked primarily with children "clients".

Oops, almost forgot your question. Yes, my T expressed his feelings of irritation towards me, plain as day. I posted something on here a week or so back and that post contains that entire story. Basically, I had a bit of a temper tantrum and he told me it was irritating. The session after he told me he wish he could have handled it better-- because he had then, after pondering the whole thing after I left he realized I was fighting with my father, through him. So, some transference. I guess if he would go back in time and change how he conducted himself, he wouldn't have told me he felt irritated.

Thanks so much-- I will try and update when I can.
K

Hi, Free-on-Thursdays.

That would be such a nice, flattering comment, to tell my T that I make a 180 when I first walk into his office (from extremely depressed to Belle of the ball!) I would almost want to say this, but part of why I don't is because I know that I have the typical "sufferer" of transference behaviors-- and I feel ashamed. I know I shouldn't, and in no way do I want to insult other people with this problem, but it gets to me being such a statistic like that. So I avoid it... although it is the honest truth of what is going on.

How did your T seem flattered? How were you able to tell?

quote:

I did read online - may have been "guide to psychology" that it can be common with transference to be very happy when in the Ts/Ps presence as a need to please them. Kind of along the lines TN describes.

Ah, that is a little heartbreaking, just because I'm reminded of all the times I go out on limbs for people, to please them because I did this so exhaustively for my neglectful, abusive parents. It is interesting--all of this. I'll have to check out that guide to psychology.

Thanks for leaving some feedback. I appreciate it!
K

quote:

Maybe I read too much into it but my new T would NOT have acted that way! She would have just asked questions to try and determine how differently I felt in therapy vs. out of therapy with her. With her, it's never about my feelings for her - with him, it seemed to always be about the feelings between us!

Free-on-Thursdays, I think I need to add something here. I, we (my T and I) do or try to do some work on my feelings (transference) for him. This is what my therapy is about now. It is mainly about how I feel and what I think while with him, without him, about him etc. Since he is "the transference object" now that should allow him to get better understanding of me, my feelings and eventually to proceed to "corrective emotional experience" (??). There are still things that I didn't tell him about myself, but I think we need to do the feelings work first to build more trust. However it is mainly about the feelings and thoughts that are coming up in relation to him.
I think your new T may also be fishing out for your feelings now. Maybe your previous T realized that he could not do more for you (because of his own limitations?) and that's why it ended? I hope the connection to your new T will come, it surely will.

Caeti, as for the end of therapy I don't even want to think about it right now (it is 9 months now).
I also covered this topic with my T just to make sure he will not push me out of therapy when he thinks I'm done. I'm also afraid that he may be fed up and annoyed with me, and it must be such a pain to drag things out of me (instead of me speaking freely and allowing him to get all the infor he needs), to see me bowling or staring at him like a fool.
Anyway, he reassured me that it will be my decision to end therapy and there is not timeframe to it. For the moment and don't see myself ending it and I don't want to even think how much time will have to pass for me to be ready to leave.
My T once asked me (after we reached the transference stage) what do I want to achieve in the next 3 months? The 3 months timeframe freaked me out a bit, so he clarified that it doesn't mean we end in 3 months, it could even last 3 years. I replied: "Nothing, I just want to stay here".