Welcome to this weekend's addition of my avoidant life.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: deffe,

DF - I can very much relate to, well, how I describe it is a disgust with dependence. In my case, I basically do not form relationships that require me to need from or depend on another person, except my H...and now T. I'm sorry the lack of safety and emotional abuse set you up for such confusion in relationships. I know from personal experience that that kind of background makes interdependency, even in the healthiest relationships, seem like pure torture.

I'm not sure I can give good advice, because I only see one T and that is so intense, I don't know if I could handle another. Maybe, as long as your DBT T is OK with working with the transference, you can let it take it's course as a learning experience, as you say, but still slow it down by going less often (if indicated and T recommends) to take the intensity down a notch? Just because you're working through something, exposing yourself to a new dynamic and trying to learn to be comfortable with it, doesn't necessarily mean you have to be going at it full speed. I don't know if that makes sense. Others will probably have much more insight than I do.

Oh my sweet little peepfried friend....are you sure we aren't related? More to the point, are you sure our parents aren't related? My parents frequently said nearly those exact words to me. I'm sorry they were so mean to you.

IMO, you are getting to the really important stuff in T. I know that everything in you makes you feel like your very life depends on running away, but I would really encourage you not to scale back and to stick with this and see if you can allow your body to realize that it is safe and that you can have safe and positive relationships. I know how scary it is, believe me, but I also know how good it can feel when you can have those times that you let someone else in and you can really feel it and it feels safe and nourishing and okay. I would encourage you to talk to your T's about this and about the urge to run away and see what they think before you make any changes or give into your defenses that in this case are making decisions for you based on past information. (((hugs)))

In some ways I think having two Ts helps make the transference a bit more manageable. When I'm struggling with T1, I can sort of fall back on T2 and vice versa. I guess I wonder if your attachment to T will intensify if you terminate or cut back on your therapy with DBT.

More importantly, I think it is very important for you to be going to DBT for the ED stuff. I feel like you are getting skills from your therapy with her that has really helped you make some positive changes in your life. I would hate for you to to miss out on strengthening those skills because you are afraid of the connection you are developing with her.

Hey Deepfers,

I gotta agree with STRM here, that this seems like the important stuff! I wonder if maybe it will be easier this time round for you, simply because you have already done it once through with your regulariT. I'm pretty sure your T won't be disappointed to hear it - in the grand scheme of things, it's actually really exciting and healthy that you are feeling safe enough to draw closer and feel scared, if that makes sense. And your T isn't into judging you, remember?

Big hug,

Jones