.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: kitty,

My T is 38 years older then me. I'm 28. The age difference was not something I took into consideration when deciding to see him. He was recommended by my previous P, who was retiring. I like that he's older. There isn't a whole heck of a lot I could say that he hasn't encountered in one form or another. He has found his right balance in terms of number of patients. He can give me the time I need without it being overwhelming to him. I feel like he's sort of a grandfather, a mentor, a teacher.

I've never talked to a therapist who was my age, so it's hard to know what I would think of one. The thought makes me rather uncomfortable. I have always gotten along with people older then me better then people my age, so that probably has something to do with it.

My P just turned 51 a couple days ago and I am 26. I like having a T that is older than me. For one reason is because I have never liked a guy my age, I have always gone for older me (my husband is 18 years older than me) so I am not drawn to people my own age at all. Plus I think since I didnt have a good father figure I was looking for that in some one as well. He was chosen for me though as I was only 15 when I started seeing him, but I am very glad with the choice that was made. I have tried to talk to a female therapist that was close to my age and I did not like it. I need someone, whether it is male or female to be older than me for me to really trust them and believe they can help me. My female T is about the same age as my P and so is my christian counselor at church.

Hi all

Unlike the posts above, my T is only 5-6 years older than me.

This is not an issue for me at all as I think her attunement with me is far more important than her age.

Also, given we are of similar ages and she is also married with two young children (like I am) I find, for me, that this makes our working relationship great.

Regardless of her age, I know she is great at what she does and I appreciate her concern, empathy and consistency that she has consistently shown to me over the past 4.5 years together.

I'm OK

My T is the same age as I am. He's 34, and I just turned 33 few weeks ago.
And I think it's good. It makes me feel equal to him. I can't imagine feeling that way with and older man. I would feel intimidated and so small and foolish when compared to his age and experience. I never felt any attraction to older men.
However sometimes I feel like I love my former boss (who is around 50) and would like to be his daughter. So perhaps it would also work with older therapist, but I think I feel much safer with the guy my age. And I don't find it creepy to be sexually atracted to him. I think that kind of feeling towards much older guy would make me feel really weird.

My P is about 15 years older than I am. I have seen him for more than ten years now. I have never been to another P or T so have no comparison myself, but I think this age difference is perfect for me. I look at him as a father figure I guess. Wisdom, authority, all that sort of stuff. I think I would find it difficult to open up to someone my own age or to a female therapist. No particular reason why, just guessing how I would feel.

My T is about 20-30 years older than me, and I feel really strange because I find her attractive... I can't explain it to myself - why. I think it's because she gives me hopethat I will be loved...

Is that crazy?

Hi Rebuilding and welcome. And not I do not think that is crazy at all. I think we all feel that way.

Regarding the age question. It's funny tbat when I met my T I was convinced he was younger than I was. I really didn't know his age and because his education was not done in a continuous fashion, even knowing the date of his PhD or how long he has been in practice did not help me figure it out. It bothered me on some level.... the not knowing but don't really know why. I had him pegged at about 8-10 years younger than I am. I eventually found out in a roundabout way that he is EXACTLY the same age as I am. The funny part is that once when we were talking he guessed my age at about 10 years younger than I actually am LOL. So I guess we both think we look younger than we are!! (Or he thinks I'm really immature )

I really like it that we are the same age. He can understand how it was growing up in the same generation and we relate to the same things and we lived through the same upheavals in the world. It's also a coincidence that we are both older parents of only children. Another thing he can relate to. It only gets a little odd when I feel like he's my Dad and my feelings for him can get strongly parental. It's strange to think of him in that role when we are the exact same age.

I don't think I'd have any problems relating to an older male T or one slightly younger. A really younger male T may throw me and I know I could not relate at all to a female T.

TN

My T is 28 years older than me. She has children who are both older and younger than me. So it makes sense to me that I would see her as a mother figure. But I know that sometimes age doesn't matter. I once had a paternal transference that eventually turned erotic to a male school teacher who was 40 years older than me. Never could explain to myself why I would have sexual feelings for a wrinkled old man when I was in the prime of my life!

Hi monte,

I don't know my T's age, but my impression is that she's about the same age as me (I'm 40). I also get the impression that she's not married and does not have children, and yet she is quite an attractive person so if my impression is right, it makes me wonder why (not that all attractive people have to get married and have children, of course). From a few brief things she has mentioned in the context of the therapy, without giving a lot of details, I'm guessing that she has had a fair amount of pain in her own life and has worked through it. She seems to be comfortable in her own skin, and for that 50 minutes she is as present with me as if she's got all the time in the world. I guess one of the things I'm looking for in a T is someone who already has the kind of emotional health that I'm looking for, and she seems to have it as far as I can tell. So I think I'm pretty lucky to have found her.

SG

Hi Monte,
My T is about 12 years older than me (I'm about to turn 49 so he's around 61) although he is quite fit for his age and doesn't look as old as he is. I actually find the gap a good one. He's enough older than me for him to feel very paternal sometimes and I appreciate that he's far enough ahead of me in life to have experience in the stuff I'm going through. But the gap is also small enough that it doesn't feel creepy when my feelings swing more towards the attraction/erotic pull.

I think the best part is that he has over 30 years experience and is an incredibly grounded person who has obviously dealt with his stuff. As SG put it so well, he's comfortable in his own skin. He has also been very confident in how to deal with my stuff which was very important to my healing.

AG

*bump*

I had to resurrect this thread because I wanted to throw my two cents in. You know when you first go to a new therapist and he/she asks you, do you have any questions? My first question was--how old are you? Because I could tell he was quite young. He's 6 years older than me, and honestly it does bother me.

My last therapist was 20 years older than me and I find that kind of age gap more comfortable. (or comfort-ing? ) Sometimes I wish I had a T with more experience---it's clear when I talk about certain areas of my life he has no idea at all what I'm talking about.

hm. Never really thought about this, but interesting. My P is about 30 years older than me I guess. He's pretty brilliant, very humble, loads of experience. He can be quite intimidating to me I guess I am a bit in awe a lot which can make opening up pretty difficult, but wehn he is kind it is awesome.

BB

You know what?
I didn't dare to ask any questions when I met my T first time. The only concern I expressed what that I was actually expecting to see a woman. I didn't know what kind of question could I ask that would be ok. I thought I should not even ask what his name was (thought he was the guy who replied my call about appointment, but that was somebody else). I didn't really know what you are allowed to ask your therapist when you see him/her first time.
I think I decided to stay with him because he was the same age as me and I felt kind of equal to him. If it would be an older guy, I think I would have asked to see another therapis, a female. Well, yes, I was a bit worried that I might start to like him, since he was so nice and quite good-looking. But to prevent that from happening I told myself that he must be gay.
So it would be ok to get close and open up to a gay guy and no falling in love involved, safe stuff. Yeah right...