Sorry to post so many threads today. I'm in a bad place, struggling with the usual stuff.

So, had to text T Sunday night to find out when my appointment was, because I was trying to make plans for Sunday or Monday night, depending on when it was. T said Tuesday, but he wasn't sure if it would be 8:00 pm or 9:00 pm yet, which was fine, as long as I knew the night. I saw him (corner of my eye) when Boo and I picked up H from his session last night, so I know he wasn't out sick or anything. I texted him at 8:30 am this morning to ask if it was 8:00 or 9:00 pm. No response. I texted him again at 4:45 pm to say I was worried texts were not working and to please call if he had texted me and I didn't text back a confirmation. Now it is 6:00 pm and still no response. Not OK, my lovely T! Not OK at all. I am down for the last minute scheduling, because he does so much to work with my needs for a late appointment because of Boo, but two hours away and I still don't know?

So now, I'm having several paranoid thoughts running through my head.

1. He is doing this on purpose to stress-test me. I know he wouldn't do it, but that's how it feels. Well, I AM stressed.

2. He had a car wreck or heart attack or some other unlikely thing and is seriously hurt or dead and I will never see him again. I almost started crying, like a freak! How can me make me worry about him like this? My mind went all sorts of dark places on what would happen if this were true.

3. He just doesn't want to deal with me and is hoping if he doesn't get back to me, I will just no show. Actually believe this one LEAST, because that is not T's style.

So, my plan is to show up for the 8:00 pm appointment if I haven't heard back from him at all and if it's 9:00 pm, I will just go shopping next door at Target or take a walk in the shopping center there (should be safe). I'm afraid it will make the 8:00 pm person upset if another person is there to see T during their slot. I don't want it to LOOK like he double-booked when it is just a communication issue. But, ugh, WHY is this happening? I have ENOUGH going on right now without worrying about my T's demise.

Trying to not go all PAD and delete this in case someone already saw it and is in the process of replying.

Just heard back, like 10 minutes after posting. "So sorry for the late notice...8pm." Now, trying to decide whether I tell T how much he just stirred my abandonment $#!+ up.

Yaku,

So wierd that he didn't get back to you sooner. I don't know how you handle not knowing when your appointment is. You are a stronger woman than I am!!! Hope he has gotten back to you since you posted.

liese

Thanks, Liese. I did (obviously we cross-posted, there). I feel like I'm about to start bawling, but I have a feeling I will numb out and disconnect from him as soon as I see him, because of this tonight. Dang it!

I told T that it was stressful, but not my projections. He apologized and then explained. He explained so much that it got to the point of me wishing I hadn't told him it stressed me out, because he was wasting MY therapy time on trying to reassure me that it was just his blunder in a very busy day and nothing to do with me. Well, if I genuinely believed it was intentionally directed at me, I wouldn't have shown up, silly T!