...I'm actually interested in being a therapist myself as a career.

This is a pertinent issue since I recently dropped out of grad school after realizing I the career I'd been thinking about wasn't going to work out for me. I'm actually doing nothing at the moment, playing housewife while my husband works.

I'm afraid of being a cliche of someone who decides they want to be a therapist after starting therapy. Even though it's a career I thought about many times but was always discouraged from it by my parents in the past. Now that I actually know what it's like a little bit, I'm only that much more fascinated by it.

I'm also afraid my T will think I just want to emulate her because I'm idolizing her or something. That I'm ignorant about what is actually involved.

I'm afraid of her thinking I don't realize I'm not really healthy enough emotionally to do that at this point in my life. I do think I could be in a couple years though.

I'm also afraid that, like my mom would say, I just want to be a therapist for really narcissistic reasons of needing to feel helpful and needed. Even though actually my mom is the one who is NPD, not me...

Finally I'm afraid that it's glaringly obvious how terrible I would be as a T, and that I just don't see it. Even though I've had two different friends tell me without being asked that they think I would be good at it.

Weird that it's been far easier to tell my T about all kinds of miserable and very personal stuff than to talk to her about something so apparently innocuous.

Oh my goodness! I have the exact same issue right now!

I've applied to start a Psychology degree for a January 2012 start. I want to tell T that I am wanting to start this degree but I am SO embarrassed to say anything in case she thinks I am idolizing her and that I have no mind of my own but instead mould myself to fit the people I look up to.

Thing is, I believe I actually do this partly . I have always been intrigued by Psychology in many ways because of what I've been through. But I remember seeing the paper she gave me when we first started therapy session and at the bottom of it stated her Psychology BA Hons. I admit that doing the degree will make me feel closer to her in the way I want. But I am doing it out of self interest too.

Last session I admitted to T that I have a very strong tendency to mould myself to fit the character/interests of that other person. For instance T is Irish and I said to her 'I have this need to impress you with knowing about Irish stuff'. I felt so ashamed to tell her this.

quote:

Weird that it's been far easier to tell my T about all kinds of miserable and very personal stuff than to talk to her about something so apparently innocuous.

Ditto. I've told T about all the abuse and in detail but this...scares me. I'm sorry I'm not of much help but I'm totally empathizing in how you feel here.

Good luck Alpaca. xx

Ah...I feel the same! One of my hardest sessions was when T finally asked me what I had been thinking about for a career or going on to grad school. It was difficult for me to say it. She just smiled and nodded. I'm pretty sure she already knew. I was scanning her bookshelf if she left me alone in her office for a second. She then gave me a couple of books to read.
I let her know that I had been reading books about psychology and theories before I had entered therapy. At that point I had never taken a psych class though. After having two classes under my belt now, I absolutely love it!
I want more!
T has been very supportive, but has also mentioned to me the difficulties of her job. In subtle ways she'll say things about having to be on the stand in court, having to have a teaching job in addition to her practice, having to deal with insurance issues, having to make sure her notes are in order for the state inspections and all of those types of things.
I wish you both the best in the future!