Yesterday a very dear and treasured friend (my mother-in-law) of 26 years told me that I am not allowed to talk about my illness anymore and that I have to pretend to be well if I want to talk to her.

Until now she has been so supportive and I am devestated and shocked.

My P said it is because I contacted my mother after 3 years because she was very ill in hospital and that my mil was jealous that my mum sent me a letter asking to be back in my life - which is not going to happen.

Halo, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve this. I'm wondering if your MIL is threatened by your mother's appearance back into your life (even for a moment) and she is subconsciously punishing you.

Did you ask her why you cannot talk about how you are feeling and doing? Did she say why the sudden new rules?

I hope you can find some way to make peace with her and work this out. My mom is deceased and my MIL lives in another country and does not speak my language so I don't have a regular relationship with her... although I wish I did.

Hugs to you
TN

Hi TN, thanks for your reply. She said it is all I ever talk about and that she tries to change the subject but I just keep bringing it back to me.

She said the contact with my mother would make me downward spiral for six months and I would end up in hospital again and I just cry all the time anyway.

I am sorry about your Mum.

((((Halo))))

I'm sorry. Therapy (and the stuff it is dredging up) is all I ever talk about lately. I don't think people who aren't in that place can "get" it really. I hope she can soften her heart and be more understanding toward you. Basically, she is asking for a fake or inauthentic relationship. I don't know about you, but I have enough of those in my life already. It must be so hurtful.

I'm sorry to hear this Halo. It is really, really hard. My sister, tho one who basically raised me, won't talk to me anymore either, unless it is about day-to-day stuff. So I have to pretend to be ok if I want to talk to her. It's hard. I don't know any way around it for myself, except to reduce contact, andonly tlak to her when I feel ok enough to do the pretending. Not calling- which is also painful.
I'm sorry you are so abandoned right now in your pain.

Halo,

I'm sorry to hear that you MIL is having trouble coping with your mother coming back into your life. It seems a bit cruel and abusive for MIL to be punishing you this way. Has she done other things like this to punish you in the past? Are you sure it is connected to your mom coming back into your life?

Hi Yak thanks for your answer, you are right it is all I talk about these days. I went through a big trauma three years ago (stalked) and she was there for me then and since and it is just lately that she doesn't want me to talk about any of it, that I should just pull myself together and get on with my life. What life?

BB I can't pretend, I am not well enough. I am not callng much either.

LG, yes she is punishing at times. It is her way or the highway and always has been. No I am not sure, that is what my P said that it was about Mum, but I am not letting Mum back into my life I only went to see her because I was scared she was going to die and everyone said I would regret not going.