Aw, Sarah, I am so sorry to hear that you were hurt. It's scary to feel hurt or dismissed by someone in authority, too. I hope someway, you can find some healing from this.

Monte, if, perchance, you are reading this...I am hoping that you realize that we respect your decision and respect you... I'm just sorry you got hurt, and I'm really hoping that if I did something or said something bad, I can make it right.

Hugs,

BB

Hey, one more for Monte... I was sorry to read this. You've given a lot to the forum and you will (obviously) be missed. I hope you can find good space for healing and that you will feel okay enough to come by and say hi at some time.

Go well.
Jones

Monte - I'm so glad you posted. I can totally understand your lack of trust in other people. I guess I do the same thing. It's kind of like no one gets too close. Even my t, who is probably the closest I've ever let anyone, including my partner, get to me, is still not that close. I can never really totally feel that trust. I, too, tend to run and exile myself from others. It's safer, quieter, no strings, no fake smile. I think we are quick to run and hide because we know it's safer for us. It's the only place we know we are safe.

Monte, anytime you feel like you want to post is fine with me. I have really liked your posts. Whatever you're comfortable with is ok with me. (())

Monte!!!

thank you so much for the response and clarification!!! That makes a TON of sense... oh, I can really relate in a lot of ways. It is SO hard to trust and believe and take people at their word... It's also a new experience for me being on any forum, let alone a forum quite like this one. Often, I dunno what to with it all. For me, half the time I want to jump in more and half the time I wanna run away (not from anything bad). This is just how I am in relationships in life.

oh, and btw, I never felt like you were playing any game at all or trying to hurt anyone. Just missed you and wasn't sure what happened to make you feel the way you did and what you had been spooked about. Now I understand a lot better. thank you.

I want to say... it's ok to doubt. It's ok to run, withdraw, back up, it's ok to stay, jump in - it's ok to do what you need to. I hope it's ok for me too.

it's good to see you again and hope to "see" you again if/when it feels right for you.

~jd

monte, i could have written every word you wrote, all i can tell you is, not to minimize what you are saying AT ALL, but we all feel that way from time to time.

you take the time you need, glad you peaked in to see the love and support. hug yourself, and do what YOU need to do, don't put guilt on your back, we've all been there, take care of YOU!! jill

Welcome "back" Monte, even if your return is only "temporary". I'm sorry if you felt misunderstood again by my response to your post. I know it was sort of "against the flow" a bit, but I was actually trying to understand you better based on what you said. Your post sounded like a cry to be seen and heard and so I tried to do that but it was really tough to do, there were a lot of things left unexplained and so I just raised the questions in order to let you know that you are, indeed, a very valued member of this forum. Otherwise your leaving wouldn't have hurt. And I can really relate to underestimating how much we mean to others, and being surprised to find out we matter more than we would have ever guessed. I also find relief in isolating myself, it is so much safer than hanging out there for everyone to see my faults, and feel a certain amount of terror every single time I post, especially lately because I've been treading into territories that are dangerous...but if it doesn't get said then how do we work it out? We are all of us trying to work out our mis-perceptions...so I hope you can forgive me if I've made any of you.

Peace,
SG

Monte- Thank you for posting again and clarifying! That took guts!! Like everyone else, I understand everything that you said about trusting people. It was very well said.
maclove

(((((Monte)))))

quote:

I enjoy self-imposed exile. Simply put, most people scare me and I get intimidated easily, even though I do a good job of hiding it. That does not mean I wish people would tiptoe around me…it does mean I wish I were different.

That last part of the last line says a lot and is important, Monte. Maybe it's time to 'up the ante' and stick around. Maybe you need to challenge yourself here where the anonymity keeps it safer. You CAN work on changing how you do relationships, even in cyberspace.

It is frightening for most if not all of us to put our 'stuff' out there. It takes courage to trust others with our hearts, and that is scary. But I've grown a lot since finding this place and sharing my stuff, and I'll bet you have too. I know a lot of what I've learned has come from what you've shared about yourself, and what you've shared with me for my own benefit, and I have really appreciated your contributions to my life. It's all valuable stuff. And you know from the many years you've spent with your T and how long it's taken to finally get where you've got to that sometimes the good stuff takes a while to 'grow' and to earn through our efforts. I know I always want instant gratification and I'm learning the hard way that most things that are worthwhile don't work that way. Sad but true. Risks are hard. They challenge us on many levels. But without them we truly don't grow and change and become who we have the potential to be, and that is where I feel that we truly fail ourselves.

I hope you'll feel safe enough to risk it with us again, Monte. We miss you. I miss you.

Take care,
MTF

Hi Monte

Good to see you posting.. I hope it was ok for you to come back and do that, it must have felt quite difficult for you and I hope that still feels a safe post for you monte. Thank you also for explaining your reasons in a bit more depth...I would agree with ultraviolets suggestion of working on fears here too...only if you can feel comfortable...but the support is waiting

starfish

Boy am I glad to see your post, Monte. I don't want to scare you off again, so I am not going to say too much...just know, that you are free to come and go, post and delete, appear and dissapear, and no one will think any the worse of you. I am completely in your camp on the friendship thing. It is rare fro me to hang onto a friend for very long at all...then, I start not returning calls, finding reasons to hate them, seeing hurtful behavior in just about everything they do...it is interesting to me, that you explain that this is almost like a defense...I never thought of it that way, and I guess that is probably why I do it, too. The anonymity here is the only thing that keeps me coming back...It is a safer envionment than the "real world" to practice these kind of things, and to give and receive support for such a difficult area...therapy. I have nobody that I could discuss my therapy stuff with, and it did used to weigh very heavily on me to keep it all bottled up. Because therapy for me can be another worry, and more pain- at times. OK, I'll sign off now. You just come and go as you wish- it is ok, Monte. Jones once told me I could come on here, tell an offensive joke, burp, scratch myself and then disappear for a month and she wouldn't mind! I try, use that as my (very funny) yardstick, now! Maybe it can be yours, too.

Love,

BB

((((((Monte)))))))))

Good to have you back, Monte!! Would love to hear how your therapy is going if and when you feel up to sharing. ((((((Monte))))))

SG

I think kerry got a lot of us ruffled!
I'm glad you came back!

Welcome back Monte!!! So glad to see you here again.

((((((MONTE))))))

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Welcome back!!!

You know I've missed you!

MTF