I have to apologize, but I am feeling unsafe because my H just sent an email to my T today that told him that I spend too much time on here- and he named this place by name. I would never tell my T about this place, I have only made vague references to "online friends."

So- the upshot is that it's possible T could actually look it up, I suppose. So just in case I am deleting (slowly) my old posts, and will delete this one too- and I want to apologize sincerely for I do no mean it in any way to withdraw my support from anyone, but just am doing a kind of blanket deletion.

I hate how I feel so ganged up on by them. I hate that I feel like I am not supposed to have any support in place, and I hate that I haven't responsibly controlled my time here. I hate feeling a two year old in adult body with adult responsibilities that I never live up to.

Who knows if my T will even read my H's email, so who knows, maybe I am just being self-punishing here, but I just= yuck. anyway- it's all my stuff- I just wanted to put it out there because if anybody notices and takes a deletion personally, I would feel awful. So I need to explain that it isn't about anybody else, just what I need to do.

BB

it's ok- you don't have to worry about deleting, I took that I might get responses into account when I posted this, and don't expect anybody to delete. It's just me that I want to disappear.

hug, DF

I'm so sorry, dear Blackbird. That is terrible news. ((((((((BB))))))))

Love you. Thinking of you.

Jones

Oh ((((Beebs)))) that was not a good thing for him to do!!! Whatever you need to do to feel safe, just do it, but please don't go away entirely - you need the support right now!!! Does your H know your on-line name? If not, finding someone with so many threads and posts would be pretty difficult!! If yes, change your name!
Thinking of you and sending hugs ((((Beebs))))

I totally understand, BB!! Just know that your thoughts and our replies are not deleted from our memories...just these boards. We're still here for you.

I'm ready to throttle your husband. Be good to yourself. ((hugs))

BB you really are having a very hard time of things at the moment aren’t you . I’m sorry to hear that you are deleting all your posts, that’s a real shame and I wonder whether Morgs’ suggestion of changing your name might not be a way to avoid having to wipe yourself out in case your T reads on here? I could say it’s unlikely he’d do that, but it’s hard not to be anxious just in case...

Whatever you do, please know that you’ll always be welcome to post again at any time. Your presence will be missed you know!

Hugs to you ((((((((( Beebs ))))))))

LL

(((((BB))))) I'm so sorry, BB. That must be hard. For what it's worth, I think you spend less time on here than I do. You are getting support you need. I do understand it needs to be a balance, but I feel angry like maybe if your H were better supporting you, that would resolve things a bit for both of you...I guess that's what your T says. I still think you need your individual stuff addressed separately, though. So, not saying I buy into T's "marriage stuff will fix other stuff" idea.

(((((((((((((BB))))))))))))))
Oh I am so sad for you and for this forum. I know this is feeling huge right now. Can you let it settle a bit and then decide what you will do? (change your name...?) I know that part of this is about me not wanting you to go....but I REALLY hate the thought of you being alone with all you are dealing with.
Whatever happens.....((((((BB)))))
sea

(((Beebs)))) I'm sorry I've been in my own funk and just saw this. I think it was a horribly spiteful and vindictive thing for your dh to do to you. If he had an issue with you being on line and wanted to address it with your T ... it was NOT necessary to name the forum. I'm so very sorry for you Beebs in that you feel unsafe and with so much going on you need a safe place to vent and talk.

Changing your name could be an option to consider. I'm sorry you have to delete your posts. You and your voice will be sorely missed until you feel safe enough to come back.

Many hugs
TN

You know what? f*** this. I've reconsidered...here I am sitting here spending all this time deleting the support I've given and received in this place. It's ridiculous.
OK- yes, I need to use my time here more responsibly and learn how to prioritize. Yes I overuse time here- because I am so desperate for a connection with people who care and understand me, who I can also actually give something back to. People like all of you.

So **** them, both. If they really did wanna go sneaking around on here and read what I have to say about them without telling me, fine. Bring it on. I haven't said anything that wasn't true.

I'm not deleting anymore old posts. I care about you guys. I like this place and I like all of you. Period.

BB

((((Beebs))))

Do what works best for you!

BG said it well:

quote:

Just know that your thoughts and our replies are not deleted from our memories...just these boards. We're still here for you.

You've been very supportive and have let us help support you - for that, I will always be appreciative!

P.S. LL - what a great "cheer up" smiley!

BB,

Your last post is close to what I wanted to say. I'm sorry that your H breached your trust by telling your T about the board and giving him the address. I can see why that is upsetting. What I'm pissed about on your behalf is what right do they have to take this away from you? You aren't doing anything wrong by being here and seeking out support. You haven't said anything on here that you should be ashamed of. I hope that you stick around and continue to receive the support that you need. I would miss you if you left!

((((((bb))))))
ugh, that was a crummy thing for your h to do. the good thing is that it would take quite a bit of time for any of our ts to read through everything and guess that someone on here might be one of their clients... and you are right, you have just been honest and real. i understand the fear and yet also know that i don't think there is anything on here that would be bad for your t to read. you've just been authentic and real and processing stuff. i was sad to read when you felt like you needed to delete you. i totally support whatever you feel like you need to do. you, the real kind and amazing you, and your wonderful impact here can never be deleted out of our hearts. AND, i'm also rather proud of your last post too.

i'm sorry that this happened and hope and pray it all blows over ok (as i'm pretty sure it will) and that you find the balance that you want.

AWESOME step, Beebs. Hooray for you! Hold on to this one.

Love,
Jones

Aw Beebers

That was a terrible thing to happen to you....like you I got really mad that you were deleting something from your life that was so solid in it's support for you. So am glad you have decided to stop - good on you!

And maybe if either of them are reading any of this, they will get a flavour of the love and care there is for you here and the equal amounts of both that you give back.

Stay strong,

starfish