Reading about T's offices and leaving the T's office on the transference thread and I started wondering about this. Do any of you have little rituals or habits to look after yourself after a session?

I'm starting to think this is quite important when it was suggested in my couples work with my husband. Our Ts suggested we make a date for a debrief session after each appointment, and it makes a huge difference. We go somewhere nice and just have an hour or so talking about extra stuff from the session. I notice if we do that, we don't get into arguments afterwards, but if we don't do it, the arguments seem unavoidable.

So then I was thinking it must be important after individual sessions, too, right? To take some time to calm and soothe and comfort yourself after that hard & sometimes harrowing work, or just to process some of what was said.

My T's office is by a river, and I sometimes go sit by the river for a few minutes afterwards. But it's hard to sit outside here, and I'm thinking I should start going to a cafe instead, and taking time to write in my journal, so it's more formal and extended.

What do others do? What would you do if you were going to?

I forgot to mention the ice-cream shop by the river, which gets a bit of custom whenever I have an afternoon session. Sucks if I have to go straight on to something - luckily my timetable's pretty flexible so I can usually avoid this.

You totally deserve the thickshake.

Jones

Great question. I think what I do depends on how the session went, but always listen to music in the car on the way home. Have a real homing instinct and can't bear it if I have to go on somewhere else afterwards. But sometimes just have to concentrate sooo hard just to drive and get home - have ended up elsewhere en route but never confessed that to my T, she worries as it is about me getting home sometimes.

When I get home I like it best if nobody else is home for a bit, so I can sit with my thoughts and my journal and write about the session. Like DF I have done that after every session since the beginning, so have quite a tale!! In the evening I've normally got quite fuggy headed generally not capable of much, certainly not of retaining more than one thing in my head at any one time, or of retaining anything in my hand for too long before dropping it , so I tend to opt for a long soak and an early night; and pray like mad that my head will be together enough for work the next day.

When the sessions have been straightforward and my head is clear, I've occasionally gone to the beach and just sat with my thoughts there, felt very happy that I'm making progress and realised the world's not always such difficult place

starfish

I have a long-ish drive, so I listen to music and reflect on the session. I have a really strong need to go over the entire session - I too write out everything I can remember - usually later in the day/evening though. What is it with the really loud music - as much as I hate to admit this I do it too.
I take time everyday to reflect on where I am and what is coming up - so much so that I feel quite a bit of guilt over it. Because of that, I don't normally go anywhere special right after my sessions. Although, maybe if I did, I could put it aside a little easier during the rest of my day??

This message has been edited. Last edited by: seablue,

It does depend on how the session goes. I usually sit out in my car for a bit to make sure that I am together enough to drive. Sometimes that is a few short minutes and occasionally it can be more than an hour. I always listen to music. If it was a hard session the music will be louder. I also have a friend in the same town as my T and I typically go see her after and decompress before I finish driving home. I have a 30 min drive home which is nice because it gives me time to think. If it was a hard session then I will often come up to my room and write. Sometimes to my T (and then I fax it) and sometimes just to myself. Otherwise, it is straight into the dinner and kids routine. I have T twice weekly (sometimes three) and I try to have a crock pot meal ready so I don't have to do much in the way of meal prep when I get home.

Yes I definitely think it's important to have some time to transition from the session back to "real life". And my heart really goes out to those of you are not in a position to do this {{{monte}}}. Like SB and STRM, I have a 30-minute drive afterward, so my transition time is built in. And Jones, I totally get having the time to talk over the session with my hubby after couples sessions. We have had some of our best talks during those times. For last week's session, we originally planned to meet at the clinic, because I was already in the area that morning for my individual session, but I decided to drive back and ride down together just so we would have that time together afterward.

One other thing I used to do is journal about the session within a day or two. Writing things out afterward definitely helped me process the session. I've tried to do that a few times with the current T but haven't felt as "driven" to do it as I did with the former T. Sometimes I think it's because I'm able to do a lot more processing in the sessions with her. And with the couples therapy, I find I'm doing the processing in the conversations with my husband. And for both, I'm doing some processing by writing it here.

However it's done, I think the processing is really helpful and necessary in "keeping" the lessons learned in session, making them real, incorporating them into our lives. Sometimes it might take several sessions for the same point, sometimes the bit absorbed is very small...but every little bit helps.

Thanks for the great topic, Jones! And thanks to everyone else in sharing your after-care rituals.

SG

I see my T during my lunch hour at work and I have to return to work right after my sessions. My T's office is less than a half mile from my own office so the drive is about 3 minutes. No time to decompress there. I so wish I could go somewhere or take some time before returning to work because there are times (especially when I'm in a dissociative state) when it's very difficult to return to work to get anything done. Sometimes I just sit in my car for a few minutes and breathe. I remember one time I sat out in the back parking lot and just cried for 20 minutes. Was pretty late getting back to work that day. My T has told me that it's fine if I want to go sit out in his reception room before re-entering the real world again. It's usually quiet and empty (save for the next patient) during the day so I have it for myself.

But what I usually do once I return to work is to call a very good friend and "debrief" with her via telephone. She is also in therapy and has many similiar issues to mine and so she really gets it. She does the same with me. It helps to have someone hear it and point out things that you may have missed or to help bring focus to something that is bothering you about the session. She usually reminds me that my T cares for me when I'm convinced he absolutely wants to get rid of me. That is a huge help. I am fortunate that I have my own office but I cannot close the door for privacy because my boss will storm in and FLING the door open and demand to know what I am discussing with the door closed (yes he needs therapy more than I do ). And so I try to keep my voice low and to try to look "normal" while I relive my sessions. There are just some days when the switch back to little worker bee is really hard to make.

Later on that night I usually try to journal my thoughts unless I'm so agitated by the session that I cannot focus enough to write.

I think it's interesting to read that I'm not the only one who struggles with getting back to the world after session. I used to think I was the only one and it made me feel like I was doing something wrong or defective in some way that I just could not "flip the switch".

TN

Great topic...I also think that having time to process or just recover following a session is so important. For most of my sessions with my last T, I had my session and then several classes back to back after that. It was not good...I found that I hesitated talking about things on a deeper level because it affected me so much afterward. Right now, I don't have to do anything (most of the time) right after a session, which is good, considering I am almost completely useless for most of the day! A lot of times, I drive around and listen to music for a while, but this past week I just went home and laid down for a couple hours. Not sleeping, just thinking.

I totally agree with you, SG, about processing more in sessions. After sessions with my last T, I almost always wanted to journal immediately after. With my current T, I have actually been making myself at least write out the major contents of the session so I can look back later. I don't need to write as much out now just for the sake of processing, since it seems like I'm doing so much of that in session.

Hi there! I've been lurking on this forum for a while now, and this topic finally moved me to post.

My post-therapy time has always been really important to me. I always take a little walk, even if it's just the 10-minute stroll to the subway, and think about whatever stood out for me. Like others, I always spend some time with my journal. In the winter, I would make my way to a coffee shop and treat myself to a London Fog while I write. This past spring, I would often write on a bench in a nearby green space and enjoy the sun and breeze.

I just finished with my therapist last week, as he's moving to another city. Much as I'm going to miss the therapy itself, I find myself very sad at the thought of losing my deeply soothing post-therapy rituals. I think I'm going to carve out some space in my week to keep it up as a way to make sure I take care of myself now that I'm finished with therapy for the moment.

Thanks Jones for posting this.
I actually do not have a routine after my appts.
But now that I have read everyone's responses, I think that maybe I will have to try it. I like the idea of writing in my journal right away, everything that I can remember from my session. Sometimes I try to go over things in my head later on in the day or even the next day and I find that I can't remember so many things.
Why didn't I think of this myself a long time ago
As usual I am taking away a pearl of wisdom from this forum. Thanks everyone.

So cool to see people's rituals here - it's making me more aware of how important it is to do this, and giving me ideas for ways to do it. I've been thinking of buying an mp3 player - that might help me relax and get even-footed again on my train ride home when I can't take extra time.

Actually, here's my ideal plan: long walk into a forest with icecream, journaling on a log, then out into the breezy sunshine, home via loud music for a hot shower, crockpot meal, more icecream, then tucked up in bed just in time for LONG, DEEP slumber. Sound good?

thanks for sharing everyone - love reading these.

Oh and welcome, Agent - good to have you on the boards. I love that name!!

This is an interesting topic and cool to read how everyone processes post-session.

I come home and go for a run on a quiet trail, which gives me some time to go over what we covered, what stood out, what I need to work on. And then the following day, after I have mused over everything, I write a letter to T... this is kind of how we work. I have a hard time just bringing things up, so I put my thoughts on paper so she can kind of take the lead in session. Then I try (key word: try) to put it all away until the following week.

Hi Agent and welcome too!

starfish

Jones and Starfish - Thanks so much! It's nice (though scary) to be actually participating instead of just watching!