I have just recently lost a close friend and former colleague to ALS....I, along with several other former colleagues had cared for her in her home as she became less and less independent....I miss her soooooooo much....As she was 10 years my senior, she was like a mother to me....always there with words of wisdom, encouragement....etc etc etc....especially since I lost my mother 6 years ago.....so losing my friend has once again stirred up all those feelings of abandonment that seem to lurk deep within me....I had always thought that when we lost someone we loved, that over time we would miss them less....I have come to understand that as time passes, we or should I say I miss her/them more....I was wondering how others have dealt/coped with this kind of loss??

Dragonfly: Thank you for your sharings!!! I will give some of those suggestions a whirl!!! And, I am sorry that you have lost someone dear!!

quote:

....I had always thought that when we lost someone we loved, that over time we would miss them less....I have come to understand that as time passes, we or should I say I miss her/them more...

Agreed Sarah Whoever said time is the greatest healer was incorrect on that one I think. The pain never goes, you just learn to deal with it (or hide it, in my experience).

I am really sorry for your recent loss Sarah; ALS is such a devastating illness to watch progressing. I can imagine also how that loss might have brought up old feelings of losing your mother too....that feeling of abandonment is a very raw one isn't it, and pops back all too quickly? Hug.

starfish

Thanks Starfish!!

Sarah - I'm so sorry you lost both your mom and now your friend who you were so close too. My T once said grief is like waves, and we learn to ride each wave. I dunno how helpful that was. My response was, "But I'm DROWNING here! How am I supposed to ride the waves when I can't even breathe?!" (hmmm...I think I deal with grief by anger at times...)

I don't know how to ride the waves, but my heart goes out to you.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: janedoe,

((((((((Sarah)))))))))

I'm so sorry that you lost your close friend. And it totally makes sense that it would evoke those feelings of loss and abandonment of losing your mother all over again, especially because she was like a mother to you. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom on how I've coped with a loss like this, but so far I have not lost someone this close to me...so I can only imagine how much you must deeply miss her presence in your life. I hope you will at least keep posting here when you need to, and that you can take away some ideas from others will have some ideas on how to make your loss more bearable.

Hugs,
SG

thanks janedoe and strummergirl for your sharings....I guess it does come in waves....guess I better learn to surf!!

thanks again!!

So sorry for your loss Sarah. Time does help but I don't think it ever gets easier. I have lost a couple of good friends and I think of them often. I take out a picture of us and remember the time we had together. That's about all I think you can do. Just keep them in your heart.

Thanks smiley!!

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah...it is so hard to lose a love one, and never really gets any easier, that is for sure. I recently lost a close friend and godmother to my children to breast cancer, and sometimes it is like I can't even let myself feel it. She was about 10 years older than me, too, strangely. Yeah, I'm not so sure about time...I don't think it does much either. But it is good you can share your pain here. It is so hard to do that, and hard to let anyone see it, and I hope we can be a support to you during this hard time. ((((Sarah)))) (safe hugs)

BB

Thanks BB for your response!

(possible trigger warning)

Hi Sarah,

First..... (((((safe hugs)))))

I lost the person I loved the most (my first love) several months ago to suicide. It's what brought me back into therapy, and it also brought me here. It's been about 8 months now and I can only say that things have gotten worse in some ways, better in others. Before I managed to get myself into therapy I'd literally be in bed all day either numb or sobbing, I couldn't do anything at all, I walked around either like a zombie or screaming my head off that my life was over, how could he leave me here, etc...

But...I can get out of bed now, I can run errands, I can cook and have a little conversation now and then. Yet still every day I grieve, I cry, I scream. I'm in denial most of the time because I'm worried I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or something. You see, I had this whole plan about how we would spend our life together and now poof! it's gone and I feel like the world around me is crumbling.

I know this isn't exactly an encourgaing post, but, I wanted to let you know that someone else here is suffering too, and also don't feel like you have rush this grieving period. It takes time, and if you feel tears coming on, just let them out, The more you express the grief, the sooner the healing starts. For a while I was fighting it, trying to hold all this stuff in, and it was just the worse thing I could do. I'm so sorry you lost someone, I think I know how you're feeling, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here. (sorry for the realllly long post)

WLOH

WLOH:

Oh my goodness....I am soooooooo sorry that you have lost your "first love".....the one that you "loved the most"....I can only have imaginings of how you must be feeling....I thank you for your tender sharings.....I am most appreciative!!

Grieving....a difficult process for sure....take good care of yourself and again, thank you for the post!!