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This message has been edited. Last edited by: LadyGrey,

Wow that is a big break through. What was it you cried about or is that too sensitive?

I have that too. Except I have oldT and newT. OldT was so very important to me. How I felt in life was hinged on how I was feeling about my relationship with her. I could hardly cry with her. I think for me anyway it was that I felt that if I really let her know the real me that she'd leave or judge me or something and to risk that was too much for me. NewT? I am not so desperately attached to her so I can risk crying with her though it is still new to me to do that. And it is strange as well. But for some reason I am able to let her in much further than my OldT. I wanted my oldT to rescue me from all of my pain and replace the family I never had as a kid. With NewT I know that is never ever going to happen. So I am left with my grief and lately sometimes it comes out in front of her.

I don't know if that helps at all but that's all I know.

And if you are a post whore then I must be a some kind of post pimp thing or something. lol. I have been lonely lately so I post a lot here. Even feel sort of embarrassed about it. (I digress)

I think it makes sense that you would struggle to have a harder time to cry in front of someone who means more or you feel more vulnerable to. I'm not saying your connection with T2 is meaningless, but it is new, has less energy invested in it. Also, crying without someone being physically present is really hard for me. I rarely cry about my own pain and the only places I find myself doing it are: 1) completely alone; 2) in H's arms; 3) at church, during worship, while putting out huge, "Don't come near me" vibes, because there are only a few people I'd feel OK receiving comfort from.

((((LG))))

I think it has to do with who you feel safer with. You know that T2 will not judge you or evaluate you, maybe, but with T1 you are not so sure because her boudaries are not as tight? It could be.

It is hard to cry on the phone with a T. I used to cover the receiver with my hand so that he couldn't hear me. Made me feel very alone, and cry more, adding another layer to it. Not so good. On Skype it was ok, cause I was pretty sure he couldn't see me very well anyway, and often couldn't hear me well. Which was a relief- but...
I'm glad you have T2, LG...I'm sorry it was so painful to cry.