I feel weird (a little) even posting this, but I wondered if anyone else could relate. Do you find that little things that your T does or says can be as important as the big things?

I don't even know how to explain really, but I'll try. One thing that I really miss about having a mom is being able to ask a quick question for advice, ask for a recipe, gardening tips etc. Little things like that. I know it probably sounds strange. I wish I could just call up my mom and say, "hey, this cool thing happened today" or "hey, I tried that recipe you gave me and it was great."

At Thanksgiving T and I (and some parts) were talking about what we were going to eat for Thanksgiving. T told me about her favorite dessert and she didn't have the recipe, but she tried to remember what all was in it by memory. She said she wished she had it because she would give it to me. I ended up looking it up online and I made it on Thanksgiving. T was out of town, but we were allowed to text her. I was putting up the Christmas tree and I had finished making the dessert which was really good. I had this sudden urge to text T and tell her that I had made it and how good it was. Similarly, I was able to share a recipe with her (a type of cookie that we shared with her actually) and she ended up using variations of that at Christmas and telling me about it.

A few weeks ago, T was talking to Little Kate and she told her about a flower that she really likes. So, when we went to pick out flowers LK wanted to get that kind and so we did and we planted them out front. They look really pretty and they remind all of us of T, but more than that it was that feeling of wishing I had that kind of everyday connection with my mother. You know?

This week, T remembered about something I had mentioned that I needed to do and she brought it up during a rough part of session in order to ground me. It was nice that she even remembered and during the conversation she gave me some advice about this project. It was a technique to use. I tried it today when I was doing the project and it turned out awesome! Not only was it exactly what I had needed as far as the project, but it was neat to get that advice from someone (like it would be to have had that kind of connection with my mom). I ended up texting T a picture of the finished product and telling her thanks for the idea. She was really enthusiastic and it once again reminded me of something that I wish I had with my mom. I guess not only that she gave me the advice, but similar to a little kid...the "look what I did" kind of thing.

Don't get me wrong, I know that T is NOT my mother, won't be, can't be and can't replace my mother or what I didn't have. It's just that it's these little things that remind me of how much I wish I had a mom that I could share little things like this with. None of these are huge things by any means, but I guess sometimes the little things are bigger than you'd think. You know?

I can relate very much. I think though our Ts are not our parents etc that we do get some things from them that we never got as kids or even adults. And I think it is just as important as the heavy processing of bad memories etc.

That's cool about sharing recipes. I bet she enjoyed it as much as you did. It's always satisfying to share something like that and have a person report back that it worked out great. It's weird because I was thinking of starting a recipe thread here if one hasn't already been made. That and a thread on money saving tricks since times are so hard for many of us in this economy.

I get this somewhat with my T too but only a little different. Today we were talking about the harrowing experience of geting on a bicycle afer years of not using one. We laughed together. I enjoy that kind of connection. I feel that my T and I could be friends if we weren't in this sort of therapeutic relationship and in fact it is hard not to have these sorts of chit chat conversations take over entirely! But I do enjoy them.

I am glad STRM that yo have such a wonderful T. Time and time again I am impressed with her ability to really get where you are coming from and with her efforts to really understand and be sensitive toward your needs.

quote:

It's just that sense of connection, isn't it? That sense of not simply being an anonymous contributor to a salary and nothing more...of being part of something bigger, a shared existence in the world...ooh I don't know what I'm saying.

Monte you really put the right words on it!!

I really like this thread...

When I mention a writer that I like, Manatee writes it down to check out. And a couple of times I've mentioned phone apps that I find useful and he writes those down too. It feels like he does these things for himself, not for me, and I really like it. It makes him seem like a real person, and I have an effect on him.

STRM that is lovely to read about. I'm glad you have those nice connections with your T that are sort of the motherly type things.

DF, Monte and UV... I enjoyed your examples of that "little" connection that means so much. The only thing I can think of right now is that whenever I finish a class I print out my gradebook page where it shows all the grades I received in that class on my tests and papers and bring it to show my T. Sort of like bringing Dad my report card. I've been waiting to bring him my PsiChi certificate but it has not arrived yet. He told me that he wants to see it.

TN

Jo: I love recipes so I'd be open for a recipe thread. Yes, I like laughing together too. My T and I don't spend too much time chit-chatting, usually just to ground at the end, but I like those moments of sharing as well and seeing her as a regular person. I think riding a bike after all of these years could be harrowing for me too! Thanks for the comments about my T.

DF: I love it, a concierge T. That's great. I'm glad that you have many little things with your T as well even if you don't feel like you can share them.

Monte: Thanks for the sweet comment about my relationship with my T. Your T is very wise and I think right about piecing together little things here and there to fill the gaps. I love your examples with your T. I too feel more connected when my T tells me she thought of me outside of session.

UV: Such good examples you gave as well. My littles love it when T calls them sweetie as well. I love your imagery about the tree. Very true.

Jones: Yes, definitely helps to see them as real people, doesn't it? I think it's neat that Manatee does that. I like it when my T does that as well, it makes the relationship seem less imbalanced for just a second.

TN: Great and touching example. I love that your T is excited to see your school things.

This kind of interaction with my T is actually kind of hard on me. I want to be her friend so badly, and when she does things like ask me for recipes, I soak it up so much, but then know that it is really not a true friendship, it's honeslty just a business relationship. And that hurts so very much. And I can't tell her this, because I fear that if I did, she would stop this kind of interaction. I hate feeling like this, as I so want her in my life, and I too feel she is somewhat motherly. There are times when we are session when she will remind me she is my psychologist & not my friend, but then the next day she is giving me advice on running, or asking me for recipes. I am so very attached.....it hurts a lot of the time.

Gargyle,

I really understand what you mean here. I don't want to be my T's friend, but sometimes I think if we had met under different circumstances I'd like to know her more. We actually have some things in common (or maybe she just makes it seem that way...I don't know). I think she's a neat lady so different time, different circumstances...you know. Anyway, these things that I wrote about my T doing I do experience as bittersweet. I love that we have that connection, but it does remind me of what I don't have and that makes me sad. I wonder if that is what is being triggered for you? I have talked to my T about this, but I can understand if it is hard for you to bring it up out of fear that she might stop doing those things.

My SD is like this... he is so stiff and boundaried and kind of serious, always in his long cassock and all formal- always the teacher. But...it makes it so much more powerful when he cracks a smile or shares a joke, or laughs at something I say. He often recommends good movies for me to watch, after our sessions, or tells me about a nice place to visit in nature- and once after a particularly diffiuclt session he took me to a bakery nearby and bought me a pastry! He makes me feel so *liked.* It would never work if that boundary wasn't in place though, but because it is, it is so perfectly safe. I've never been liked by a person in authority before, so there is something powerful about it. Sometimes he even comes up to me to talk and visit for a few minutes after church, and he plays tag with my kids, and stuff like that. It's nice. I am going to miss him. One more month and he is gone.

(((BB)))

STRM,

I love that you planted your Ts favorite flowers. It makes me want to know what my Ts favorite flowers are so I can do the same.

Today I experienced a little thing/big impact moment with my T1. I texted her telling her that I was having a rough time with binge/purge urges after our session (had stirred up some emotions). She asked me if going on a hike would help me (it usually does, but getting motivated to actually go is soooo difficult for me). I told her I would try to get motivated to do that. She asked me if I would please send her a picture text from my hike to show her that I followed through with the plan.

So I had this idea of sending her a text when I got to a particular part of the hike where there is a waterfall, but before I could get there, she sent me another text asking me, "Where are u? Really worried about u."

So I texted her a picture of the waterfall and told her I was okay. I joked that I deserved a gold star for resisting my urges to binge and purge. She texted me back with a picture of a huge gold star. I think it was part of a party decoration she had for her son's birthday party tomorrow.

She's never sent me a picture text before and it surprised me to see that she sent a pic. When I saw what it was, it really made me smile and laugh out loud. It was so unexpected and sweet of her. And it was just such uncanny timing that I mentioned deserving a gold star when she was at that very moment decorating for her son's party and had a big giant gold star. It was perfect!!

I texted her back and told her that I loved it and set it as my screensaver on my phone. Now every time I look at my phone, I see that giant gold star and think of my T1. It gives me warm fuzzies.

LG,

Awwww, that made me smile just to read it. That is really sweet. I love that you put it as your screen saver.

That reminds me of one afternoon (on a weekend) that the little parts were really struggling and had texted T and T texted them that she was at the park. She sent a picture text of a big frog that she saw on a rock and said that she wished that LK could enjoy the park too. It was really sweet. I still have the picture of the frog.

OMG, LG, that is sooooooooooooo cute!! This is priceless, honestly. That sort of thing gives me goosebumps. You have one awesome T with T1!

I love little things. Little things can get really huge sometimes.
I once had a teacher that everybody disliked but I liked him because he saw *me* and he helped me through some rough times even though he had no idea what was going on, I guess it was his instincts. He just let me not write tests etc. even though I never told him what was going on.
My grades were really bad and when that happens, you have a talk with the parents, the student and the teacher. I just turned 18 and I was allowed to go on my own without my parents so I did (because they'd pressure me so much and tell me I'd fail anyway, why not drop out and that stuff). And my teacher asked whether everything was ok at home. I said yes.
I guess it was protocol to ask that.
Just before we had the talk, he asked again:"I don't mean to annoy you...but are you sure everything is okay at home?" and at that moment I realized that someone did notice something was off even though I hide well. I brushed it off, said yes but that meant so much.
To anyone who would have watched our conversation, this was a little thing.

I really like the flower idea STRM! I actually think it would have been totally ok to write to her in all those moments you mentioned that you thought of her but didn't write. I know you meant it more like you needed a mother, but I think it would have been okay to tell her. Sometimes, not writing at all makes it harder than writing it to someone who is maybe 2nd on the list.


Jo, if you read this, a recipe thread would be great

HI Frost. Yep I read it. I will think about the recipe thread.

YOur teacher knew what was going on. I understand why you told him things were fine but good to know he got it anyway.

Love this thread STRM!

Thanks everyone for posting the "small moments" to read - they are definitely day brighteners!

I love the concept of a drop in a bucket - the longer the bucket is there, the more drops accumulate. Doesn't matter how small they are, every drop counts!

My T has incredibly strong boundaries, which I very much need. She also does not do a whole heck of a lot of self-disclosure. That said, though, developmentally, I am going through the same stages that her daughter is going through, so she will share little stories about her daughter that are so helpful for me to hear, because they not only normalize my emotions, they give me such hope that as her daughter grows, I'll learn from her! (Her daughter is in grade school, which is developmentally where I pretty much fell apart growing up.)

Example - last weekend I freaked out about the weather. I wanted to call my T and leave her a message, but I didn't. Come to find out at my next session, that my T was out of town, and her daughter had the exact same reaction to the weather that I did. When T shared with me what she told her daughter to do (over the phone) I was able to file that in my "what to do next time" file. The little stories she shares are so much more than little stories...

And laughter... my T laughs at exactly the right moment, every single session. I don't know if she realizes how much her laughter lightens my days!