I called the insurance company today and started the appeal process, at least informally. You’re right, this doesn’t need to be the end of therapy. Thanks everyone for helping me get some perspective.

Jones: Thank you for the reassurances. My T has given me every reason to believe she is "worth her salt" so to speak. This is all based on what happened with the former T, not anything to do with her.

As far as "deserving" it: In the impulse to quit therapy I thought I recognized a pattern of pushing people away. I’m not sure if that’s the same as feeling I deserve it, but more that I cause it. Just another case of they’re going to leave me anyway so I’m going to leave them first because then it doesn’t hurt as bad. It’s a ridiculous overreaction to what happened, just to a glitch in the insurance system, but it reminded me of all the times I wanted to bolt from my former T, and also of some other relationship endings. I need to look at this some more.

CT: Thanks for everything you said about counter-transference. Everything, so true, and very much something I needed to be reminded of.

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
...countertransference is NOT your concern. It shouldn't even have to be on your radar...
...Trying to avoid "causing" countertrasference is practically impossible...
...what CAN you talk about if you're trying to avoid countertransference and you don't know your t's sensitivities????? Any and everything has the potential for countertransference.

You’re right, there’s no way to avoid it when I don’t know enough about my T. And if I know enough about my T to avoid it (which I did because my former T expressed a lot of his opinions, preferences, and tastes) then I start changing my behavior to please them. I took it all straight to heart and tried to be “good” according to him...and it felt like I was walking through a minefield. And I wound up stepping on one anyway.

He always seemed surprised when I would mention one of his preferences, though. He’d say "I said that? I shouldn’t talk so much." Like he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. If that’s true, then I wish so badly I could give him a copy of my journal because there’s tons of examples in there. Just as a way to make him more aware not to do it in the future. But he definitely wasn’t open to that in the transfer session and it wouldn’t do any good to give him the feedback if he’s not open to it.

My current T rarely expresses her opinions, preferences, etc. and only discloses when it has direct relevance to the subject. It's a relief not to worry about taking care of her!

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
it's easier to blame ME than it is to feel the pain that might come from realizing being left had very little to do with me at all. Feeling small and powerless is often worse than being liable for me

I’m just starting to see this so my thoughts aren’t real clear but I do recognize myself in what you said. I think this might be why I leave first, or unconsciously sabotage so that I am left. I’d rather have control than to be left in a way that leaves me feeling powerless. So thank you for pointing this out, I’ll have to bring this up with my T and see where it takes us, and what it means for my marriage. Possibly I'm trying to sabotage that most of all, because he's closest to me. Thank you for all your insights.

Amazon: Thanks. You are right, I’m not going to quit therapy. And I hope you and your T can work something out so you don’t have to be so stressed out about the 15 minutes. Keep us posted, okay?

Free-on-Thursdays (formerly known as Summer ): You said it perfectly – the relationship is so intimate that talking about money seems out-of-place. It just makes me cringe, but...it has to be done. Good point, by the way, that if my check bounced, she would discuss it with me. And she has given every indication of being willing to work with me. My fears are 100% projection from what happened with my former T and have nothing whatsoever to do with her. So I will do it, once the insurance company decides and describes to me, in writing, exactly what they want.

SG

Wow there are so many fantastic responses here, some have really reached far into my soul. So good to be a part of this forum, thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for your honesty and inspiration.

SG - I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Thanks again for all your responses. I need to reread them a few times.

We just balanced the books tonight and it turns out we don't have enough for me to see my T on Monday. I just emailed her to cancel my appointment. I just briefly mentioned it was because of the insurance going back on what they said before but I didn't go into details. But I did say I want to keep the appointment on the 11th.

Just really sad right now.
SG

Awww (((((SG))))). I'm so sorry that you won't be able to make your appointment on Monday. That really sucks! But I'm glad that you told your t about the insurance stuff- or that you at least mentioned it. Do you think she'd be willing to adjust her fee until you figure things out with the insurance company?? Or allow you to make payments at least until you get things straight with insurance? I don't think it's too much to ask!

No matter what, it's a crappy situation. I wish there was something I could do!

-CT

Insurance companies are counting on people NOT appealing these issues. Many people will feel it is too much work or a pain in the azz and won't pursue it. So stick with it. They live to give you a hard time, but with good documentation and support from your T, you will likely prevail -- I have my fingers crossed!!!!

My T is very open and easy to talk to about the money -- me, I have a harder time! When I first saw the statements from my insurance company, I was appalled at how much he was charging! The insurance reimbursed a negotiated rate, which is still generous....LOL. Based on my experience with my company's insurance, I was then expecting to have to pay the difference - but my T said no, he wouldn't be billing me for the balance. So he was satisfied with the negotiated rate, and I pay nothing, until the session limit is reached (which may even change this year in my favor - although I am astounded that something regarding mental health care is improving).

He further explained that everyone's insurance is different - so he charges what he can with each and negotiates the rest with the client. He too has a sliding scale that he readily discusses. He makes it less painful. And it is their responsibility to help you.

Hang in there. I'm glad you are appealing.

-hope

Just wanted to give an update - there have been more problems with the insurance since I last posted, but today it FINALLY got worked out. A stack of checks came in the mail today...so I did a little spontaneous "insurance reimbursement mamba" for my husband. Kind of weird, I know...but he didn't seem to mind. I also plan to leave a very nice message for the representative who pushed it through. And I can't wait to tell my T. At this point I would have tried to keep seeing her no matter what...she is more than worth it...but this will make it easier. SG

Hi SG,
Play the Lotto!! The stars have to be aligned in your favor if an insurance company came through!

I am SO happy that you can now see your wonderful new T worry free!



AG