...and do you comment on theirs?

Does your T say anything when you cut your hair or show up with different clothes or do they sometimes say stuff like "you look tired" or something similar?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: pf,

I used to always where jeans to therapy. Last week I wore a skirt instead, just wasn't feeling like jeans, ya know? I thought T looked a bit surprised when she first saw me, but she didn't say anything. I was glad. This isn't a fashion show.

Funny! I always do wonder what T thinks. I dress up when I go in because I am usually on my way to work. BUT, sometimes I show up in flip flops and shorts. I had my hair lightened and she didn't say a word. I'm used to people commenting on my clothes, hair, jewelry etc, so while it's a little strange, I do agree it's nice to have to not worry about T--and those comments.

In 3 years oldT commented 4 times on my appearance and I can remember each time very clearly... once he said "that's a nice sweater"... it was bright blue with sequins on it. I had come from a Christmas luncheon. Once he said he noticed I was wearing my Valentine's red. And another time he said that my faux fur jacket looked like it kept me nice and warm. My favorite time was when I was wearing a new green sweater and he looked at me and said I looked like springtime. Sigh. I loved that he said that. All 4 times came after we had known each other for more than a year. It was a bit disconcerting that he finally saw me.

My new T comments a lot of my appearance. Even from the very beginning which sort of threw me a bit. He has commented on my hair color, many times on my jewelry, asking either what it was made of or that he liked it or it was very sparkly (I love jewelry and wear a lot of it), he has commented on my spike heels, my purses and again that faux fur jacket. I think that he was letting me know he "saw" me because in the very beginning I felt like I didn't exist due to the trauma I was dealing with. He has commented on my clothing asking me if I was going out after work (if I looked dressy) or if I had a day off (when I showed up in boots, jeans and a tunic). He teases me about my shoes. I like bright colors and high heels. AND... just once I turned the tables and told him that he looked really good in pink shirts!! He seemed surprised I said something but I was feeling really secure and connected that day and I do love those pink shirts!

TN

On the other hand, I have never commented on T's appearance either although, I think she's the most striking woman I've ever seen. I mean sometimes I walk in and she blows me away with how beautiful she looks.I've wanted to say "oooooh, cute clothes!" Or even that I noticed she gets a pedicure every week. I look forward to seeing the color she chooses on her toes. LOL! I sometimes copy...

Frosty,

Fun thread! My OldT, the woman, commented once that I had a cute shirt on but I didn't really don't like getting comments.

One time I showed up in a suit and current T was surprised because usually I only wear jeans and he stumbled for something to say and then said something neutral like, "you look, you look like you're going to work."

In the past 5 months, he made one comment about my hair, that it looked nice. And, I laughed because I hadn't done anything special to it and actually felt as if I was having a bad hair day.

But I'm generally too self-conscious and don't like attention drawn to my appearance and am glad my T doesn't make comments. Maybe when I'm more secure! That'll be a goal.

I can't wait to see how he's going to handle the whole body image thing, when we get there. My mother paid no attention to my appearance. Well, she did but it was generally negative.

Liese

Wow, I've been surprised by this thread. I assumed that making personal comments (about external vs head stuff, lol) was just something Ts did not do.

I suppose I'm with Liese, I'd feel pretty self conscious if my T ever commented on my appearance *buries face in hands.*

Very rarely my T. has commented on my appearance. I actually wear the same ratty sweatshirt and slip on sneakers to almost every appointment...it's like my therapy uniform. T. has commented that he likes my shoes. And my socks. (When I wear funky ones.) One time I wore a sweatshirt with words, and he was trying to read it. I'm very large chested. I should not ever wear words. It was awkward.

I tend to think I'm sort of invisible, which is silly. Of course I'm not.

Though covered with my blanket, I sort of am.

I have never commented on his appearance, though once after taking almost a year off of therapy, I did notice he looked WAAAAY older. Lots of gray hair. Didn't say a word, though.

My T used to occasionaly comment if she liked what I was wearing. We both used to wear our hair down more often than not and yet on the rare occasions it was tied up, it used to be on the same day so she would laugh at that. Even though my T was quite a bit older than me, I still admired her wardrobe, which I shared with her.

The T I saw this year used to comment alot on my appearance but I always felt self-conscious with her as she always had on such trendy clothes, and her hair and nails were always done so I felt like I looked like scruff next to her.

I think T's have to be careful when commenting on their clients appearance as it could be seen as suggesting a client doesn't look so good when they are not commenting. Though saying this I always really appreciated my T's comments.

Butterfly

The only time my T commented on my appearance in nearly 3 years is when I wore a T-shirt with writing on it and she was trying to make out what it said and kind of indicated that she wanted me to show her. When she read it she laughed. It was a funny T-shirt.

The only other time was when I was running late and didn't have time to change out of my cycling gear before we started. I commented that I was uncomfortable and she thought I meant that I felt awkward because I wasn't properly dressed in front of her. I said, no, I'm physically uncomfortable. I'm wearing padded cycling shorts under tracksuit bottoms and they're really tight!

So, no, not really. I think each incident was a bit of an anomaly!

I don't think T has ever commented on how I dress. He has asked if my curls are natural (they are and I hate them, which is what I told him). I have never commented on how he dresses, though one week he wore a polo shirt instead of a dress-shirt with the sleeves rolled up a bit like he usually does. I could see so much more of his arms and I couldn't help noticing them. It was actually really distracting, because I just kept noticing how white they were, LOL.

I'll get a lot of comments about his perception of me, like whether I seem tired or anxious. He is usually pretty well tuned into how I'm doing just by looking at me. I think if I very obviously dressed up, he might make a comment, but I always dress pretty casually. Even when I had been dressed up for my birthday party and saw him later that day, I changed out of my dress, because it felt awkward to show up to T in a dress. Now that we spend about half our time on the floor, I will even change out of shorts or capris, because I feel more comfortable on the floor (and with closeness) if I am more covered up...plus, I go at night and it can get cool-ish when I am on my way out. So, I don't see there ever being an occasion for me to dress differently enough for him to notice, unless I just wanted to see what would happen.

Exactly twice in six or so years.

The first time was a session after I had come back from vacation and he asked how was it, aside from getting a lot of sun. It wasn't until 3 hours after the session I realized he was commenting on my tan!

The second time was when I showed up for a session after which I was leaving and making a three hour drive to a wedding and had no place to change. I was dressed to the nines in a semi-formal dress complete with lots of shiney jewelry. I had warned him I would show up like that. When he let me in, he smiled and said "you look nice."

Other than that, nada, zero, zilch.

My first T on the other hand would often comment on my clothing or jewelry and there were times where it was actually therapeutic because my appearance and style of dressing were changing in response to the work I was doing in therapy.

AG

My regular T has made a comment or two. My other T has never said a thing.

Just recently, I talked about how I felt about wearing typical ballet practice clothing for a ballet class I signed up for with a friend - and how I came out of the room in tears because I was so freaked out about dancing in tights and a leo and trying to feel my own body when my body just said "no" everytime I saw me in the mirror - to the clothing - and and not my body (I ironically felt ok, enough in other ance clothing) - I didn't know why the ballet clothes bothered me. As my T and I talked it through, she commented on my normal style of dress ("feminine" and "sporty") and how "feminne" or not that I dressed. The fact she noticed (of course she noticed after almost two years) - it sort of stuck in my brain. Every now and then, if I am dressed up in a suit or a dress, she will say I look nice. Very cordial like. But the conversation that I initiated about my emotions about clothing was different.

My Ts, both of them have both commented on me looking tired, and in the same week! (It was just a few weeks ago. I think that was a first.

I saw a T twice in college who ocommented on looks in a way that felt like a backhanded compliment. At the second (and last) session, he commented about how my skin looked much clearer. He actually went on about it, pointing out specific areas of my face! I was already self consious about it and we had not brought it up at the first session. (I had managed to avoid teenage acne but my skin broke out in college for pretty bad for a year - and I saw him in the middle of that year...) odd way to start off the second session with someone. I can feel awfully vulnerable about certain things like that.

Interesting thread frosty!

jane

Frequently I think we both feel free to tell each other if they are wearing something that looks nice. Usaully this will be at the start of the session, she might say 'oh that's a pretty top' or whatever. We've worked together a while and it feels natural when it happens. Maybe it's easier for 2 women to do this than male/female?????

starfishy

T1 has made rare comments here and there, but usually she does not comment on appearance. I am not sure if its because she is not really that into appearances herself or if its because I have body image issues and she doesn't want to focus on my body or appearance since I got so much of that from my mother in the form of criticism growing up. Maybe its a combination of both. Or maybe she just doesn't like anything I wear or how I look.