I'm not sure where to post this since I'm so new here....I hope this is okay....

I'm scared. My kids are out of school; starting tomorrow I'll have them home with me all day. So I go from having 2 home to having 4. They are ages 8, 7, 5, and 4. My depression is still not stable with meds (been with a P since October and he's still adjusting) and right now I'm pretty depressed. The worst part of my kids being home is the loudness. It is so hard for me. When it gets loud my anxiety goes through the roof, if it gets bad enough I will go to my room and have a good cry. I know I should make a daily schedule and try to keep them on it so as to stay organized, mainly for me, maybe that will help. But I'm still scared and having a good cry about it right now. I see my T once a week on Wednesdays at 3:30, so H comes home early from work, and it helps to break up the week. Usually my H takes care of the weekends and I stay in my room (way on the side of the house where it is quiet). I thought I might ask my T if I could go from 1 session a week to 2, just for the summer, to help me through it more. I feel that overwhelmed. I'm not sure H could re-adjust coming home. Well, I have some ideas, but I'm still scared. One day at a time, I guess.

Thanks for reading.
Ninn

Ninn,

I understand how the added responsibility and noise can really pile things on. My kids have all been in school this year and so I've been able to go to therapy without considering their schedule and also rest at home on days that I just didn't think I could deal. Now they are all home all day long and while they are old enough that I can retreat some if I need to then I have the guilt of not interacting with them on the level that I wish that I felt like. You know?

Anyway, I hope that you can find a workable solution. Perhaps a local teen that could come a few hours a week to relieve you?

quote:

guilt of not interacting with them on the level that I wish that I felt like

STRM, I have a lot of the same guilt, and my T lays more on top of me about it....she tells me my kids will blame themselves for my being in my room and not spending time with them. It is so chaotic with my husband home.

I keep telling myself I'm going to do something good with them this summer....I hope I can.

A teen is a good idea....course then I have guilt about the money I'm spending for that.

Ninn

Ninn if you can afford the money it's a good investment. You will be able to get some rest and calm and your kids will be happy too and then when you ARE with them you will enjoy them.

Have you looked into any summer camps, even half day ones? There are churches that offer bible camps for little kids that may be very low cost or even free if the need is there. If you can't do camp then hire a teen who is good with kids and needs a summer job. I did that for half days one year for my son. It worked out great. I was at work and he only had half day camp and then half day sitter.

You need to do what is best for you because ultimately that is what would be best for your kids. They need a healthy mom and you will get healthier with the support of your T and the help from your dh and a sitter/camp for summer.

Don't feel guilty.
Good luck,
TN

Welcome, Ninn!

I have three kids, and I can really appreciate your worry.

Planning and routine are your friend. If you can afford it, sign the kids up for some camps or find a teenager to come in once or twice a week so you can get out.

I just did some planning last week, and I'm feeling good about summer. I made a simple calendar on the computer, got out all my "summer guides" -- park district, library, etc. I put our communities free activities on the calendar, so I would remember to take them to festivals and programs that I might forget about. We won't go to all of them, but it's nice to see something on the calendar as an "option."

I put our swim lessons and art camp on there. I marked off a day that they can invite their friends over for a backyard water party or video game party, depending on the weather.

I made a list of fun activities and places I want to take them to, and will plan 2 outings a week.

My kids LOVE crafts, so a few years ago, I made them their own art studio in the basement. I'll go to hobby lobby this week to stock it with lots of cool stuff. I also collect "trash" for them -- toilet paper rolls, milk jugs, egg cartons, boxes -- and they create "art" with this stuff.

I'm a mean mom who makes my kids read and do math facts in the summer, so I made a chart for them to keep track. They are motivated by "media" time. So, everyone gets 1 hour of media a day. This includes computer, video games, and TV. They can earn more media time by doing schoolwork or reading. 30 minutes of math = 30 minutes of media. 60 minutes of reading = 30 minutes of media. (They LOVE reading, so they don't earn quite as much time!) Honestly, they usually don't use all the TV time, but it's enough to keep them sharp through the summer. I do like to pick up movies every week at the library and have them on hand. Sometimes, just popping a movie in can give you a few hours of quiet. There is no guilt in needing that.

I also do chore charts all year, and in the summer, they have more chores. I pay them weekly for these. I find they enjoy their "free time" more if they have work to do. (Don't we all?)

Twice a month, I take a morning for myself. I'll go to the library, take a walk, get my nails done, whatever. I have a few neighbors that I swap childcare with, and we're going to get fancy this year. Every Tuesday is "playdate day." Two moms will hang with the kids, and the other two are free for the morning. The kids play well together, and it will be chaos, but worth it! Bonus that every Tuesday I'll either be hanging out with another mom or have free time!

I'm in a pretty good place right now, so all of this sounds fun to me. But I have had summers where I was too depressed to do anything. I did hire a part-time nanny one summer who came and took the kids on outings and it was the best thing for all of us.

Hugs to you, Ninn!!

As you may have gathered, I like to think of summer as MY excuse to play.