Jane - yes, there are a lot of things that I have which I want private, but not because they are SI/SU/intimate topics. I can't imagine I'm the only one. It bums me out that people who want that private environment, but do not want to be triggered by those other topics, do not have somewhere to go. Also, it bums me out that I lost out on input from some people whose opinions I highly value, because they do not participate in those particular sections. I think this is a good idea.

I cant decide if this should go in the other thread about private forums or this one, so I apologize for any misplacement or anything out of context.

I am a 'lurker' so feel free to ignore or disregard this if you so choose. No big deal.

There are so many reasons I could justify why I only read. Most of the time it is because I am struggling with something. Your disgussions and advice to eachother have been immensely helpful to my healing. I find your bravery to share your stories admirable. There have been funny posts and fearful posts and everything in between. Many times they have gotten me out of the rut if feeling like a black sheep or a freak. I could go on awhile here.

That being said, I entirely respect and understand the opinions on a private forum however in my opinion I have seen [what I perceive to be] great setbacks to the group as a whole since the creation of the private forums. I understand groups or forums often run in cycles. Either most members are well or most are struggling, etc. There is now a hypervigilance towards who sees what and the viewer count. People are refusing to post things they would have once posted in a general forum. I feel the private forums have increased the anxiety of many, as well as the need to be secretive or hide. This was not present until it became an option to hide in some form. While I understand privacy, I can't help but see the same real life patterns of hiding who you are being projected on this forum. Furthermore, I could see it alienating anyone who would be interested in joining this forum and isolating the group already present. If there is what seems to me a secret space for only members who have many posts (Someone mentioned potentially not granting access to members with no posts) that would make me feel unwanted. I don't mean this to be attacking, it comes from a place of concern and desire for healing. I just feel that the original intent of these forums have been misconstrued to fit the illnesses being worked through. While there are many great qualities of a private forum, I get the feeling they're being used by the unhealthy/ill/scared whatever you want to call it parts.

Initially I did feel somewhat hurt by the assumptions made towards the people reading and not posting. I have never had a malicious intent in reading your stories, but that is neither here nor there. I just think it might be worth looking at the true motives behind this sudden need for so much security.

Just my $.02, sorry for intruding.
Best wishes to you all.

je'tadore ~ hi! it's good to meet you. Thanks for sharing your ideas and input and perspective. You have NOT intruded at all, I think you make some really good points and observations. Your response and input doesn't seem attacking at all. Thanks!!!

I don't want to label you a lurker or not a lurker at all - I understand yeah, you mean you read w/o posting. Your input is just as valauble as anyone else here. I'm super glad for it.

For me, I really appreciate the fact that people read and get help w/o posting. That is really cool. I did and do the same at times. And yes, I also post as well (perhaps a bit too much). But I totally understand and support there being so-called-lurkers. There always will be and it's a good thing imho.

side note: lurker sound like a weird thing to call people... maybe we could come up with a new way to refer to people who don't post... eh... probably not important... but i think i will call lurkers, "readers" instead. we are all readers. we just are not all posters too. everyone who is a reader imho is a part of this community too in a way, and just as important and welcome as those who read and post. (just my perspective)

I have NO problem at all with those who just read and do not post. I'm really glad people read, I've always been aware that there are many who just read and I'm really glad for it. I know it helps others and that's cool! Yeah, sure, I'd like to know people more who read stuff, but it's ok with me. It does also (and always has) made me withhold or quickly delete some details in what I post. It just does. That's not a bad thing in and of itself.

For me, it does not make me *more* concerned at all. Those concerns have been there all along. For me, a private forum allows me to post more and feel more ok about it. I actually find I post more information on the open forums now too.

I'm not worried about people who never post reading. LONG before there was ever any private forums, I did not share many things - since day one of ever posting here. I do not share those things because they are very specific and unique to my life. I don't sahre them because I don't want my T or someone who knows me in life offline to be able to google something specific and pull up the forums or something - so there are a ton of things I do not and have no ever shared on the open forums.

I don't talk about the types of therapy I get on the open forums because one of them is very uncommon. From the very begining, I have sometimes posted about it, and then deleted those posts or taken out the majority of details after some time. It's just a matter of wanting to be annoymous on here. (it's why I picke dthe name jane doe actually when I first registered long before I ever posted)

In suggesting another private forum, I'm not trying to keep lurkers/readers from reading. There are still people who read and do not post with the private forums too.

I don't think the private forums we have now are going away for the time being. I wonder if having private forums does make others more concerned about privacy on the open forums. I know of forums that are 100% private. Those seem weird. 'cause it's like wait, I want to know you people before I request access - and on those forums, there usually is an approval process.

outside of this suggestion (and it is just an idea) and reagrdless if it goes anywhere or not, is there anything we could do that would help people feel more comofrtable on the open forums? Or help readers (aka lurkers) feel more ok to just read? or... ?

As far as access to the private forums in place already - I want to assure you that ANYONE can have access to the private forums. You don't have to post a SINGLE time to get access. There are NO requirements nor any approval process. (In theory, yes, my Ts could register and then see the private forums - anyone could. But it's not likely they would go through the trouble, especially if people in my real life have no idea of the specific dteails I post that could ID me to them on that forum). Anyhow, I want to assure you that there is no approval process at all in any way. You just have to send attachement Girl a PM and she will grant access. NO REQUIRMENTS of any kind. So I just say this to let you know that regardless of this private forum request, if you (or anyone else reading this) would like to check out the private forums that are already there (and are not likely to go away anytime soon - althought I guess that could happen) just PM attachment girl saying you want access and you can join in reading too (and NO need to post, not even once to get access).

quote:

I just feel that the original intent of these forums have been misconstrued to fit the illnesses being worked through. While there are many great qualities of a private forum, I get the feeling they're being used by the unhealthy/ill/scared whatever you want to call it parts.

This makes me really curious and makes me think about it differently. I don't have any response to myself - just wanted to say I wonder about this and if this is going on. I don't think so, but I don't know. I'm kind of too involved in it to see this or know myself. I get the impression (which I may be wrong about) that you haven't been to those forums and read there? This is not a good/bad thing and doesn't make this observation less valuable. I'm wondering about what on the open or private forums leads you to have this impression. (I can be awfully dense at times.)

Anyhow, I'm rambly today. Thanks for your input. It's good stuff to think through. Thanks for sharing with us. Thanks for being such a supportive reader/lurker, and if you ever do want to post and share more anytime, you are totally welcome. And if you are most comfortable just reading, welcome to being a reader here! (I hope we don't scare you from posting... and maybe someday, you will face your own fears around that?) anyhow, soooo glad you posted.

and so wishing I was not such a rambly poster!!! ack! sorry if this is terribly confusing repetative or jumbled up.

~ jd

quote:

side note: lurker sound like a weird thing to call people... maybe we could come up with a new way to refer to people who don't post... eh... probably not important... but i think i will call lurkers, "readers" instead. we are all readers. we just are not all posters too. everyone who is a reader imho is a part of this community too in a way, and just as important and welcome as those who read and post. (just my perspective)

I just want to say something about this. I suspect that Jo is a long time internet user because the term "lurker" is a common word used to describe people who watch but don't participate. It is a commonly used internet term. I don't think that he or she was trying to offend anyone.

je'tadore,

Thanks for posting! I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to offer your input here. I too was a reader for a long time before I posted and found it really valuable. I think I would have never joined had I not been able to read first. So, I think it is valuable in that regard to be able to have access without joining.

quote:

I just feel that the original intent of these forums have been misconstrued to fit the illnesses being worked through. While there are many great qualities of a private forum, I get the feeling they're being used by the unhealthy/ill/scared whatever you want to call it parts.

I appreciate this point of view, but I have not found this to be the case. I utilize the private forums because I have issues with SI/SU and for the overall safety of everyone it was decided to make those forums private. In the past, I would have just kept the majority of this stuff to myself and not posted about it. So, I don't think that it is being used as a way to hide. It actually has helped me to open up much more.

I realize that no online community is ever truly private. Anytime you have open registration where anyone can register that eliminates privacy IMO. Sure, someone who doesn't want to register couldn't read, but short of that it takes 20 seconds to register and voila it's no longer private. As such, I have always been careful about what I post and careful with revealing details about my life. That info I will continue to be careful with regardless of the private/open status of the board. The private forums have allowed me to be more open about issues I'm struggling with while still maintaining my safety online.

Anyway, I hope that you might feel comfortable enough to join in and continue posting. We'd love to get to know you better.

quote:

Originally posted by Learning2Fly:

quote:

side note: lurker sound like a weird thing to call people... maybe we could come up with a new way to refer to people who don't post... eh... probably not important... but i think i will call lurkers, "readers" instead. we are all readers. we just are not all posters too. everyone who is a reader imho is a part of this community too in a way, and just as important and welcome as those who read and post. (just my perspective)

I just want to say something about this. I suspect that Jo is a long time internet user because the term "lurker" is a common word used to describe people who watch but don't participate. It is a commonly used internet term. I don't think that he or she was trying to offend anyone.

L2F ~
oh, i'm sorry let me clarify. my comment wasn't about jo or anyone else using the term lurkers. i'm not offended by the term. lots of people use it and i'm not objecting outright to the term being used by anyone. i was just trying to point out that like we are all lurkers to some degree. i guess. just trying to say lurkers input is just as valid - and that really we are not like lurkers and non-lurkers... ya know? eh, i guess it's just me and me not liking labels while also understanding we gotta use them sometimes. but really, my comment was just me rambling and not about you nor Jo nor anyone at all speicifically using the term.

edited to fix a few of my spelling errors.

quote:

but I would appreciate retaining an area to share on a more intimate level with others being just as vulnerable as I am (but that is why we can invite multiples to PMs I suppose).

oh yeah, I forgot we could do that... good idea. I guess I'd probably feel a little scared to do that, but we totally can. I like that option.

quote:

Anyway, jane my dear... I don't know how well a private general discussions area would work, as once our regularly posting members all joined there may be little reasons to utilize other areas of the forum

good point!

hmm... now my mind is thinking through the group PMs idea.

Thanks DF for the good input!

My only issue with group PMs is that I'd hate to exclude opinions from people it just didn't occur to me to add right away. There are a lot of times my threads get great input from people who I wouldn't even have imagined could relate to the topic at hand (or maybe, because their own perspective is so different, it helps me see things outside of my box).

That said, I do get how it would just suck threads out of the regular areas...

So many good points...