Dear members of Psyche Cafe,

I'm just writing this because I wanted to express my appreciation for each one of you here who has been so incredibly supportive and affirming of me over the past couple of years. I truly could not have survived what I went through with Guru T without all of you dear friends. I leaned very heavily on you during my painful psychotherapy experience with him, and I am very grateful for your shoulders which kept me up, so many days, from totally collapsing. You were my life support.

I'm also writing this because I find that I do not have a need to be here as much anymore. This is definitely *not* a goodbye. It's just an explanation of why I'm not really around as much. I used to spend so very much of my time here, more than anyone ever, I think- which became a source of huge embarrassment for me, often, but you never judged me. I was dying on the inside and I needed so much your care. You gave it unselfishly. Thank you for helping me, dear friends.

But...these days, I'm doing better. I'm functioning better than I have in a long while. It is still a struggle to get up every morning- but...I get up every morning. I don't drink my breakfast, lunch, and dinner anymore. I have some projects underway that interest me. Most of all- I am connecting better with my kids than I have in a long time, and they are happier than they have been in a long time. They are the reason I do not have as much time to be here anymore. I am not as afraid of being with them and caring for them as I used to be. I credit much of this improvement to a high dose of sertraline that I started after leaving my beloved T, and to having a counselor who doesn't scare the **** out of me, nor is he "everything" to me as my T is, and will probably always be.
Life is better. I am upright, at least! I find even some moments of enjoyment. It is nice to be somewhat living life, although so many of my primary struggles are not going away yet- at least I can move around and get a few things done. Leave the house. Make small decisions. I am so grateful for this newfound ability. I am actually doing some things, getting into my life a little bit! Am I still depressed- yes, but I am no longer just waiting to die as I was.

So I just wanted to thank you all for getting me through such a horribly difficult time and for giving my life some meaning and purpose whenever I saw some of the darkest places I've seen in a long time. The connection I felt from your replies sustained me through many a long night, and many a dark day, and for that I am deeply grateful to all of you.

I'll still be around here...frequently, but not obsessively, LOL!

hugs and kisses,

Blackbird

((((((Beebs)))))

quote:

Life is better. I am upright, at least!

oh my dear BB this just doesn't seem okay to me however your decision must be respected even if I'm thinking it's coming from a hurting place I don't see a need for you to go too far from your on-line family - selfish thinking maybe - as you are such a 'valued' individual and also the first person who ever 'reached out' to me when I so reluctantly 'spoke'

Sending lots of caring thoughts and s and whatever you might need right now!

Morgs xxx

Edited to correct your quote syntax

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Attachment Girl,

(((((Beebs)))) You gave so much more than you ever took. And those are good reasons not to be around as much, especially your children.



Aglet

AG - you edited my message to Beebs! may I ask why?? SYNTAX?

?? p'd off!

Morgs,
Sorry not to answer sooner, I did that in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. It was your 'quote' HTML syntax, I left a note in the post as to why, but you must have missed it. Next time, I'll leave well enough alone, so I don't give you a heart attack! Sorry!

AG

BB -- it's so good to read this update! It sounds like you are taking good steps forward. Like you, I'm also around less...for similar reasons. It's good and healthy to spend more time engaged with the people around us, and less time staring at the screen.

Keep on taking care of you, BB!

(((BB)))

I'm glad you are feeling better and functioning better. Who could ask for anything more?

xoxo

Liese

BB, it sounds like you have taken some really positive steps, I am so glad things are a little better for you. You deserved a break! I will miss reading your posts if you are not going to be around as much.

Hugs
Flutterby

Dear Bbers,

Awwww how bittersweet is that? Real sadness from me as I so enjoy reading your posts and have really valued your support. You are kind and wise and a loyal forum member with always a good word to put in for everybody.

BUT I am so glad that you are not going to be around so much for such positive reasons. You have worked really hard to get to this point, so I am really plaesed and proud of you

Come back when you can and let us know how you are doing (and how things are with CowboyT too).

starfishy x

Beebs, so glad and thrilled to hear how well you are doing and that you are able to spend more time with your kiddies and also that you have your own projects going too. That is fab news. I credit your courage to move forward after what happened with Guru.

I'm so happy that Cowboy seems to be a good fit and is helping you too. I do hope that you continue to at least post your progress with him as you are very inspirational to me and I'm sure to others who struggle in their sessions. I honestly think that is the best part of the OF... those who share their sessions and how their therapy is working for them. I have learned much from others here, AG, STRM, LL, MTF, Monte, JD, DF, Draggers,Yaku, Liese and so many others (sorry if I forgot anyone) who write at length about their sessions and the relationships and struggles they have with their Ts.

I wish you lots of fun Beebs and maybe you (and me too) will one day be able to say that we are not only upright and alive but living and enjoying life to the fullest. And we will find comfort and security and affection with our new Ts and we will realize that they are the ones we were really meant to heal and grow with not our oldT's.

Much love and joy to you Beebs. I will continue to look for you but will understand that you are not here as often.

TN

((((Beebs)))) So happy for you.

Thanks guys...I imagine I am probably posting as much as many of the members do, though! It's just I posted *so* much before, and was constantly here...so I felt I owed a little bit of explanation, why I am not around so much!

Still here, still posting when I can!

Love you all-

Beebs