Hello everybody on the forums, one of my favorite forums in the world full of such intelligent, perceptive, strong and beautifully sensitive people!

I haven't made a contribution on here in a long time because I have been back at the hospital. Now I am home again and I face my former therapist in a week and a half. There's a small, or rather big-feeling dilemma I face when seeing him again. As you all may know from my previous postings is that with this very therapist, I had a lot of projection/ transference issues that were acknowledged and brought up in therapy. He is on the page of transference where I mistook him for my father (non-romantic), I am on the page of transference where I acted out in such ways due to having feelings for him (obviously romantic). So while the transference was recognized, we are not on the same page at all. I felt relieved of him not knowing, and I still feel relieved of this but it is still not the truth and all I want is honesty in therapy as I'm sure you all can understand to some degree.

To get to my point... I have held something from him because of the feelings I have for him. I held off on telling him I've been in a long-term relationship with a man who is now my ex and because the break-up with my ex has taken such a toll on me, I want to bring it up with my therapist, naturally. I feel I am missing valuable advice or insight on a break up by not even bringing it up, ever. My therapist has no idea I've been in any relationship, pegging me as single the entire time. He had even outright asked me, "Are you seeing anybody?" and I would lie to him in cold blood replying no! I've even extended the dishonesty to complaining over being single when I was in my relationship.

It is all tricky sounding, isn't it? Or maybe not so. It is extremely embarrassing to know I was hiding my relationship because the weirdo in me believed I may have had a chance with my therapist when clearly, reality is that would never happen but I acted on that anyway. Why on earth. Just silly, you know?

Now I am curious if I should even bring up my lie to my therapist. Just spell it all out for him and come out with it.

I fear him referring me to somebody else if I give the true reason of, "I hid this because I thought I could have a chance with you". You all know how hard that would be to fess up. So, I have a detour plan where I would just come out with my lie but just not give a reason.... unless he would have it all figured out?? It would still be embarrassing either way so.

What I am posting this for is to get your opinions. I am completely stumped here and torn between A. not bringing it up B. Fessing halfway C. Fessing entirely. We could even do a vote... A, B OR C people. lol.

Have any of you been in this position before?

I have subtly brought up my romantic attraction towards him. I said, "I can see why someone would have a crush on you" and he replied back, "I can see why someone would have a crush on you too". That was it. Then he proceeded to say "If it gets in the way of therapy progressing, then we'll have to do something". So, there you go... I fear that he'll take my confession as a road block and think it just is not working.

Help!

Hi Caeti nice to see you back here!

I’m sorry you’ve been in hospital - that sounds like things got really bad for you? I hope you’re feeling more able to cope with things now?

I’m not familiar with the positive feelings you’re talking about in relation to a T - maybe others on here who have similar experience are better able to relate to what you are explaining.

My immediate thought on your question about ‘coming clean’ with T and explain about a relationship of which he knew nothing is that that is exactly what you need to do! If for no other reason than it’s a HUGE chunk of important feelings and beliefs in you that you would have to hide otherwise, and how can therapy work if you have to consciously hide something as important as that (and which obviously was if not still is, affecting you profoundly). I don’t see it as something a T would refer you away for, but it would be important to tell him the true reasons for keeping it hidden and hopefully T would then work with those feelings for him within the therapy.

But either way it’s a risk because from what I’ve read on forum here some Ts can’t handle transference. I guess you are going to have to find out the hard way.

But my feeling is that not telling him doesn’t seem to me a very wise option. Not sure if that’s any help at all - just want to give you lots of support and sympathy for the predicament you’re in.

Lamplighter