SG I am so pleased for you. As a non-cryer in sessions I am so very pleased for you because it felt lke a very important validating session for you. And it seemed to have felt safe as well, exhausting but safe. And your T sounded like she was perfect, allowing you to let out what was needed and give you support at the same time. I too like the fact she made you look at her - my T does that when I feel ashamed or unsure and it really helps to confirm that whatever I have said or felt was ok by her.

SG I am still waitng to cry, waiting because I know it is inevitable, my dam is very full and keeps threatening to burst. It is exhausting sitting in sessions fighting it all back. It doesn't happen anywhere else, I suppose I can control it better and don't go to the places I go to in sessions when I'm not there. So thank you SG for describing the process and lettng others know it's ok.

Oh and good luck with the couples counselling. I am glad that the preparation process seems so robust - that bodes well I hope for both of you.

starfish

quote:

Originally posted by Strummergirl:
I tried to resist a little at the beginning of the session, but my T encouraged me a little more that it really was okay to cry, and so the dam finally burst. I cried really hard, just like I do when I'm alone, for almost the whole hour. I also vented my thoughts really honestly about how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking about what's been going on in my life. I know this sounds like a strange thing to count as progress, but, well, I know many of you will understand.

My T was very kind, she just stayed there with me and listened. We both knew there was really no answers she could respond with, regarding what I was saying. Near the end she made sure I looked her in the eyes (because I didn't most of the session) while she told me that she'd heard me and said some other things that validated my feelings, without trying to fix anything or give any advice. And she gave me a really nice hug before I left.

Wow SG, this is a big deal! I'm "happy" for you, too. Your T sounds wonderful. It's so nice that she knows to just listen and not try to fix things. Crying was a huge stumbling block for me in therapy, too. That "relative safety" issue again. I just couldn't do it. Partially because I knew he couldn't just listen to me without offering advice. The few occasions when I did share something "unfixable", he would kind of appologize and say something like, "I wish I had some wise words to offer as advice, but I don't." Then he'd fumble around trying to think some up anyway. (I really don't want to be that person that turns everyone else's story into my own story. I'm going through a "relate everything to ME and MY shrink break-up" phase right now. Forgive me!)

quote:

One thing I will say, this kind of thing is exhausting. I've been very tired for a few days now. Crying like that when I'm alone wears me out too, but not this much. I wonder why it would be more tiring this way?

Crying is exhausting, but I think it's a good thing. The tiredness reminds you to take it easy, be gentle with yourself, you're doing a lot of hard work right now. I know that whenever I start a new job, the first week I go home exhausted every night, even if I've only spend 8 hours sitting at a lab bench or desk. Learning is a workout for our brains, and it's still the physical work of our bodies, even if we don't break a sweat. (And now that I think of it, maybe tears are the sweat of our brains/hearts, so to speak?) I'm sure there's some chemical/hormonal explanation for this exhaustion, I just don't know what it is.

quote:

I've been trying to line up therapy for me and my husband to address the marital and parenting stuff. About a month ago I found a therapist through www.psychology.com who does marital counseling, who also happens to know about attachment theory. My T doesn't know him personally, but she's heard good things about him from a friend of hers who works at his clinic...

So, is there a picture of this T on the website? Is he ugly? I, for one, will never, EVER, hire an attractive man for anything, ever again.