I want to thank my T for a few things, but I don't know how it will be seen or received.

I was thinking that I could just start a session with a thank you, but then I don't know how it would be received. So then I was thinking that I could write a note, and end the session by giving it to her, but again, that seems odd? I'm not sure how to handle this appreciation for my therapist thing without crossing boundaries.

Here's what I want to thank her for:
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Thank you for always having your chair situated before I walk into the room. (She has a couch and a chair, in addition to her chair and she usually has her chair facing the couch, but she always has it moved to be facing the chair where I sit before I enter the room.)

Thank you for letting me ramble on and bounce all over the place while you just listen and wait until I'm done.

Thank you for always finding the topic among all my excessive chatter.

Thank you for laughing as much as you do. Even if I'm not smiling on the outside, when you laugh, I am smiling on the inside.
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Is it appropriate to express appreciation for your T, to them? Is that seen as a boundary crossing? Am I making any sense at all?

quote:

Is it appropriate to express appreciation for your T, to them? Is that seen as a boundary crossing? Am I making any sense at all?

Yes, no, and yes!

It's absolutely appropriate to say thank you. T.'s are human, and doing a hard job, and to be thanked is a wonderful thing.

I have thanked my T. both in writing and in person. When I left therapy for a break the first time, I sent him a long thank you letter. I opened it by saying that since therapy has been all about me, the note would be all about him, and listed all of the ways his specific actions had been noticed and helpful.

When I went in for an appointment a few months later, he thanked me several times for the letter. He said it meant so much to him, and he's read it many times.

Everyone needs encouragement. Even our T's. And while it's not our RESPONSIBILITY to encourage and thank them, I think when it bubbles up naturally, it's a wonderful thing to do.

You could certainly open a session with, "I just want to say thank you for..."

Agreed...expressing appreciation is a wonderful thing. I think it's really nice.

Giving positive feedback is no worng, but helpful to the T, I would think!

BB

It occurred to me yesterday that I will have an appointment with T2 on my birthday, May 5th. I hate my bday and the older I get, the more depressing it gets.

However, I was thinking that perhaps I could do something to honor HER on my bday, because lately we've been discussing my lack of interest in living, my wanting to just disappear. I am not suicidal, I just don't really care about living anymore, but she is helping me to pull myself out of that and find ways to renew my passion for life.

I think in a way, it would be nice to in some way celebrate my bday with her, to say thank you for helping me find life again, but I'm not sure how to go about it without creeping her out or making it seem like I've crossed a boundary.

I'm thinking perhaps keeping it simple. Maybe just a letter that I write to her and read aloud in therapy. But that might be too intense for me. Perhaps some flowers with a simple note that she can read to herself.

R2G,
I am constantly thanking my T. At the end of sessions, sending emails after sessions. I once designed and made a counted cross stitch piece for him and wrote a thank you note so long I ran out of space in the card and had to add a notecard. He has told me that he really appreciates it, because when I thank him it gives him affirmation that what he is doing is effective.

There was another thread about this a litle while back, I thought you might be interested in. The link is below. But I don't think its pathological at all, I think its healthy.

Showing Appreciation

AG

PS Edited the topic to point to the thread I was talking about instead of this thread.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Attachment Girl,

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It occurred to me yesterday that I will have an appointment with T2 on my birthday, May 5th. I hate my bday and the older I get, the more depressing it gets.

Ugh. I hate birthdays too. Unfortunately, mine is this week.

quote:

I think in a way, it would be nice to in some way celebrate my bday with her, to say thank you for helping me find life again, but I'm not sure how to go about it without creeping her out or making it seem like I've crossed a boundary.

What a great idea LG! I wish I had session on my birthday as it really would be a good time to express gratitude.

AG - I remember reading that thread when I found the forum. I love how your T received the cross stitch and how much he appreciated it.

I've only been with my T for 3 months (twice a week sessions, though) and I really don't know how she'd "see" a thank you from me. We've been working on the fact that I can't stand compliments, to the point where receiving them makes me physically ill. I don't want to be hypocritical in thanking her (which is essentially a compliment to her and her work) when this is exactly what we've been working on about me. Ironic, maybe?

All I know is it is so strange to be "thought of" in the way that she does - by setting the room, by knowing which little tidbit of chatter needs to be expanded based on prior sessions, how she always fixes her gaze on me when I'm speaking, sometimes revealing watery eyes that show she cares. I think the only way I could do this right now is in a thank you note that I either hand her on the way out, or give her at the start and ask her to read it when I leave, or by dropping it in the mail so it arrives on a day I don't have a session.

I know, I'm likely thinking too much in to this - it's really like many of you said - a thank you, an expression of appreciation from one human to another.

I often give my T thank yous. Only once or twice have I been able to muster my ability to say those words directly to him in a heartfelt way, for the depth of everything he is giving. However, when he said he would like to see my journals, I started writing little prefaces to the journal entries I email and including a quick little blurb that is a direct note to him, and usually express my deep thanks for how considerate and careful he is with me. Sometimes I text thank yous as well. These are obviously in addition to the (I don't want to say superficial) lesser thank yous for smaller things that I can say without embarrassment. I think it's completely appropriate to thank T and she will appreciate it whether you are able to do it verbally or in writing. When I substitute taught, it was always really gratifying when the kids appreciated me (especially when they told me specific things that helped them). It made me feel more purpose in the work and it also helped me understand what was connecting with them better. Just like telling Ts when things are NOT working, I think it's important to tell them when they are and saying thank you is a wonderful way of doing that, and a real connection-builder.

R2G - Happy birthday! I don't like to celebrate mine either, but I love to celebrate others', so wishing you well!!!