Hi

I’m new to this website. I only discovered this site about 2 weeks ago and I am constantly amazed at the insight some of the members here have!

I have a question and wondering if anyone can give me advice / thoughts / opinions.....

Just by way of background, I have been seeing my wonderful T for just under 4 years and we have worked through some major stuff together. I feel I am now dealing in therapy with one final area (but by no means small area!) - which is self-esteem. I feel this question belongs in this “transference” topic because I feel in many ways our issues are often interlinked (ie: transference, attachment issues, unmet needs as a child, self-esteem issues).

My question though is....

What is the end goal of therapy??

Is it that we can now meet our inner childhood needs by providing them to ourselves?; or
Is it that we accept the failings of our parents but can move on – no longer blaming them?; or
Is it as basic as being kind to ourselves?

I am not about to finish therapy anytime soon. I am just wondering what your take is on the topic regarding the end of our therapy journeys

Thanks for reading and I look forward to any words of wisdom!

Cheers!
I’m OK

Hey Everyone,

I still love getting new message reminders in my inbox from this board, everyone was pivotal in my dealing with my therapist/transference stuff.
Oh, its still there..no doubt about it, however, I started dating..a wonderful man. SO, the past 6 weeks my mind has been occupied and I've actually been getting the kind of attention and communication from this new beau that I was looking for. I had this weird feeling that I was making my therapist jealous by telling him about the new boy, but of course, thats all part of it isn't it?
I'm happy I'm currently not obsessing anymore, or thinking of excuses to email.
Last visit we actually left it as "you seem very well, you've come a long way, I am happy for you, why don't you hold off coming here for a while"
I'm Ok with that. He did say he will always worry so make sure I email him to let him know I'm OK.
If anything, he taught me how to really love within a relationship, first time. I've been single for 7 years, its wonderful.
Anyhow, you all are so great here! Thanks.
xo

Hi I'm OK,

That's a tricky question! I think it depends on what brought you to therapy in the first place, and whether you had any specific goals.

With me, I had reached a crossroads in my therapy. I could either start moving towards different issues then ending my therapy or I could go back and pick up the issues i wasn't able to deal with earlier on, and try again. But since i had got to a point where they aren't bothering me so much anymore, I didn't want to risk delving back into them (since last time i attempted suicide and was almost hospitalized). So I feel i am moving forward in the right way for me.

So i guess the end goal is a personal one, and it can change throughout the therapy process. Mine certainly has. The things i still want to work on aren't easy fixes though... self-esteem, rejection, trust, relationships. So I think i'm in the same boat as you there! By the end of my therapy, I want to believe I am a lovable person, feel deserving of happiness, and... well i am not sure yet. But there's more!
What do you feel like your end goal is?
Ooh and where in Australia are you from? If you don't mind me asking - i'm from brissie.

Cassie

I was so happy to find this discussion, and to find that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I developed a huge crush on my counselor/therapist. My life revolved around her, and I was enmeshed -- couldn't see myself as a separate person from her. I recently chose to see a different therapist because of this; we didn't have very clear boundaries. I felt very defective because of this whole situation. I didn't know anyone else who had gone through this.

I experienced huge grief as I left my old counselor -- and still experience grief sometimes, after 6 weeks or so. I now see myself as a separate person, and feel like I'm getting healthier. Have better boundaries with my new therapist. He's actually the one who told me that this was transference -- and it was a moment of epiphany. I had forgotten about transference -- and that this is really normal, and part of the therapeutic process. I felt so much better after I read everybody else's similar experiences -- so thanks everybody for sharing!

Hi Notalone,
Welcome to the forums, sorry for not responding sooner, I just saw your post. I'm glad that your finding stuff to relate to here. We definitely understand how you're feeling. And I think it's perfectly reasonable to still be grieving after six weeks, I would actually consider that to be a VERY short time. Although I am glad to hear that you're also feeling better with some distance.

If you liked this thread, might I also recommend Update on Transference? It was the thread that led to this one and also has a lot of good info on the topic. And feel free to chime in and ask any questions you have. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Provocative Girl- Welcome to the forum!!!! Post here or start your own post cause I know I will respond and most likely other people will too. I never mind talking about transference because mine is still something that is still going strong and Im still learning and trying to make my way through it. Or if you want you can send a private message too.

Welcome, PG! May I call you that? Yeah, I think we all pretty much deal in one way or another with transference...so jump in, the water's fine. It might seem the topic has dropped off, but I think it is there in between the lines in all the posts...that being said, I for one would be quite happy to talk about it!

BB

Welcome to the forums Provocative Girl! I agree with the others, this topic is discussed tons even if it isn't in this specific thread. Please feel free to add here or post a new thread, you will likely get feedback!