A conundrum..Any input?

Last session when I was about to leave T, I asked her a question as I was about to leave the room. As I was asking it, she cut me off and explained that we would talk about it more next session.

She didn't have a bad tone with me but of course with insecurities in tow, I misread it as 'you don't care about me. You just want me to leave'. I also hate it when interruption like that occurs at end of session because I feel like she was pushing me out to go.

Anywho it made me think. Okay..so I have this issue with feeling rejected. But at what point do you try to take steps to get through it? I mean when she interrupted me and I attempted to tell her that I didn't like her doing that, she looked a bit taken aback. I saw her face and realized that maybe I was wrong in my judgement and said to her 'Don't worry, its my problem. It's okay. see you next week'.

What I mean is...when you recognize that you have an insecurity like the above, do you let it out in full flow or do you proceed to question it once you realize its there and try and work through it...because the problem I have is that I might be actually trying to deny that insecurity by obsessing over it.

I mean is letting it out better? Wouldn't it make the habit worse? Or do you take steps to change it as much as you can?

I guess I'm asking this because sometimes I feel like these questions about my actions are useful but am I pushing them down rather than dealing with them? I'm confused about this.

I'm aware that in my personal case, I try and become what I think my T wants me to be (which is me! But my perception is that I should be a good, quiet patient I guess), but I'm also aware that in order to work through insecurities you must question them?

Having a balance between letting them out and reasoning with them?

I'm not sure if this is really making sense as I'm realizing that my own insecurities are worked within this. I just get worried that without realizing it, I'm pushing down what I should be letting out, though I'm not so sure...

Hi Forgetmenot!

I'm not sure how to answer this one, because I was not there, not really sure of the dynamic.

quote:

I mean is letting it out better? Wouldn't it make the habit worse? Or do you take steps to change it as much as you can?

Can you clarify again, what the bad habit is? I'm not sure, exactly.

Is it a "bad habit" to ask a lot of questions? Are you sure? or do you just feel guilty about asking a lot of questions? Do you really ask too many questions/talk a lot, or just think that you do? Is it just a timing thing? (end of session, sometimes it feels abrupt) Is part of this the T not being very tolerant of questions, or willing to answer them? Does she interrupt you a lot? Can you ask her some of your questions that you brought up?

(see, I ask a lot of questions, too!

quote:

What I mean is...when you recognize that you have an insecurity like the above, do you let it out in full flow or do you proceed to question it once you realize its there and try and work through it...because the problem I have is that I might be actually trying to deny that insecurity by obsessing over it.

hmmmm. once again you have me thinking. My reaction would be to confront, and tell the T I don't appreciate being interrupted, unless I just kept going on and on and I was not respecting that he had somewhere else to go. And I would wonder if THAT is the right thing to do or not. I hope I'm on target here, I could be way off... but whose reaction is "right".. mine or yours? I can't tell you that, but of course, that is something you will be discussing with your T?

Perhaps this may help. I use it when I am talking a lot and want to keep talking but know that the other person needs to exit, or when someone is talking to me and I am listening and very interested but am running late for an appointment, etc, and don't want to hurt the other person's feelings:

I use the phrase "....to be continued"... with a nice smile. Meaning that time is indeed up, gotta go on to the next thing.. wish I didn't have to go but looking forward to where we left off!

quote:

I'm aware that in my personal case, I try and become what I think my T wants me to be (which is me! But my perception is that I should be a good, quiet patient I guess), but I'm also aware that in order to work through insecurities you must question them?

Be a good quiet patient to achieve what end? Is it to please her? Is it so that you can also listen to what the other person is saying without thinking abour what you are going say next as they are talking, as many people do in conversations? (This would be a bad habit of mine at times) Or is it another reason altogether?

Ha, I answered your questions with more questions! Typical, eh?

Read your post again, want to clarify: is the habit one of feeling rejected? If so, gotcha. I just want to understand first. Hope some of this helps.

Keep us posted!

quote:

when you recognize that you have an insecurity like the above, do you let it out in full flow or do you proceed to question it once you realize its there and try and work through it

Well... both. I let it out by telling my T how I'm feeling AND examining and questioning it. It can be both rather than one or the other. For example, in your case you let you T know you didn't like her doing that but you can also discuss your feelings there with her next session or she may bring it up. You weren't wrong to feel rejected or angry by her interrupting you, but she is also not wrong in keeping end of session boundaries so there can be negotiation there, and discussion of feelings, etc and to me that is both expressing AND improving at the same time. There are a lot of patterns I have that come up over and over in therapy and with some issues we've gotten to the point where I can say to my T "Well I'm doing this or that thing again or thinking this or that..." and we work with the feelings rather than the enactment (the difference between me saying "I feel mad at you" versus "You're a horrible uncaring b----!" (I've never said that, but I'm just using an example here lol)) but it took a LOT of re-enactments and a lot of "aha" moments to get there. I don't think you can work through something without letting it out in full flow. I still try to be a good patient and I do repress a lot of my reactions, and I just end up in resentment and it all comes out eventually anyway it just takes longer. I think it takes a lot of ego-strength to turn and look at re-enactments or to start consciously trying to change things, and also a lot of trust and it all starts somewhere... I think the best place to start is letting it all out - technically that is what the perfect patient would do, isn't it?

The biggest step I've taken to change my reactions is to put up with the discomfort of examining them with my T.

Catalyst:

That was a great reply! There is no like button, so this will have to do:

((((FMN))))

It has been my general experience that its better to talk to T about your feelings than to push anything down. And it's great if you can frame it in terms of how you felt. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Why do you get the impression that you should stuff it?

I'm wondering if this is key: " 'you don't care about me. You just want me to leave'. I also hate it when interruption like that occurs at end of session because I feel like she was pushing me out to go."

Maybe there is something you need to know or ask her.

Liese

Lol. I'm sorry, I think with this topic I'm just trying to make sense of myself a bit more. It's not coming out very clearly I think. Apologies.

I think it's mainly to do with finding myself, my ground, what is best for me and how I approach myself in these situations. I feel over guilty for being bad in the sense that I react to her without actually knowing if she was purposely doing what she did, but then, I guess thats why were in therapy.

I think I'm just beating myself up a bit. I find it hard to relax with myself. I'm always hyper vigilant about my actions and if I perceive something that I do wrong, I find it difficult to forgive myself. I want to aim for 'perfection' and being good. I don't like perceiving a situation wrong but it's hard when I don't yet trust T and I think both the world of her but I also still have huge reservations.

I have told her about this. I'm quite honest with her. I will tell her next session about the interrupting too I think.

Thanks for the replies

All good, FMN!

Just want to make sure that you are understood. That is a huge thing!

Let us know how it goes!