My T is going to be going on vacation in about 5 weeks. She will be gone for a little over a week, but this will result in a two week break between sessions. This is the longest that I've ever gone since starting with her. I think the closest was 10 or 12 days.

Anyway, T decides to bring up her vacation today. She said she was more worried about me than her other clients in terms of me dealing with her being gone. So later I said, "geez, I'm so glad that I'm more f'd up than your other clients and more needy. That's just awesome." She said that no that wasn't it at all. She was more concerned because I had been so good at being self reliant and independent and despite my best efforts had become attached to her (and especially Little Kate) and that she knew it was going to be hard. Then she said that her other clients just don't give a rip about her! That made me laugh, but then now I'm thinking why don't they? What's up with that? Why am I attached and nobody else is? Weird.

Anyway, we are trying to work out a plan for how I (and other parts) can deal with her absence.

So, for those of you that are really attached to your T's and have had long vacations etc., how do you deal with that?

STRM,
Well you aren't the only one around here!!

You are not f'd up!! You are awesome!!

I feel completely inadequate to speak any advice about getting through T vacations, because I have not been shy about my own difficulties with it!! 2 Weeks? YUCK!! I really really feel for you.

I hope you will post about it as much as you need to so at least people here can help some.

Thanks Seablue! I know, I was thinking...well she must not see any of the people here on this board! Who are these clients that don't give a rip about her? How is that possible. After all, she is the perfect T.

I know that I will get through it because those of us that are very independent tend to take over when we are away from T, but still it is so hard for the littler parts and even for me as I'm independent yet attached.

T jokingly suggested that we take care of her cats while she was gone because Little Kate loves cats. Too bad I have kids with allergies, because otherwise we would have loved to do that (all kidding aside). She was totally kidding, but I know that Little Kate would feel really connected to T if she had her kitties for the week! I think we need to find a neutral location and then we could watch her cats.

Oh STRM, I'm facing the same think in 3 weeks. My T will be away for 2 weeks too and I'm really trying not to freak out about it, especially because we are so disconnected lately. I feel like he'll be thinking, "thank God I don't have to see HER for two weeks".

But I think it's very sweet that your T is so concerned about how you will do in her absence. It's always good to be proactive about this stuff. I'm sure she didn't mean it in any negative way. And I know it's hard for us to believe but there ARE other patients who just shrug off a T vacation. Obviously, they don't have attachment to their T.

As for what I do... well after last year's vacation which was an absolute total disaster (he promised to call me on a certain day and then he never called and I totally melted down and went a bit crazy... leading to my leaving desperate messages on his office phone and him finally calling me and emailing me numerous times to calm me down) I was determined to avoid that again It caused a very serious disruption and he was beside himself with sorrow at what he caused for me (again his inexperience with trauma patients) and I did forgive him and we moved on.

So... this year I found a book, sort of a workbook, on Amazon called When Your Therapist Goes on Vacation. It's a bit hokey and not very sophisticated but it does have places to write stuff down and it makes you think and prepare yourself. I have still to share this with him but hopefully this Thursday I will. Some of my "tools" for survival include:

Posting here (a lot)
Journaling every day about how I feel so I can share it with him when he gets back
Making plans to visit people and get out a bit
And the second week of his vacation I'm going away for a few days too and hopefully that will distract me

I also plan on asking him for a few things before he goes to hold onto as reassurance. Small things but big on reassurance.

In reality, I know I will miss him terribly and I know it will be very hard for me but I do really want him to have his vacation time uninterrupted by me. I don't want a replay of last year. And I really want him to be proud of me. Proud that I did this without him because we both worked on making the time as easy as possible.

In any event, I'm here for you when your T is gone along with all the great members here. I know it's not the same but it may help.

Hug
TN

STRM, i dunno, two weeks. hmmmm, i am a 'over-worker' so i would probably bury myself in some self improvement stuff in the meantime...and i have been at this for tooooo many years to advise that, as i have never fixed anything. would it be possible to take a bit of a vacation, at least emotionally, yourself?? to know that you can coast for awhile, and live through enduring some harder times for the little ones, but that you can DO it, and may learn something?? and that everything will be there when she returns??

i can't take my own advise, and i don't know how to relax, or really even want to learn....so, i just think that is what my t or my adult in me would tell my child.

can you reward yourself?? i am keen on escape, so i am picturing itune downloads? a few lunches with friends to 'put' you in a healthy mode??

i wish i had magic words for you, it will be tough, so expecting that it won't be, at times, is just setting yourself up for unrest. but, you do have strengths that can help you endure this. and post and vent away up here!! i'd like to not be the only one wailing all the time up here!!!

hugs, STRM,kate, and rest!! jill

Thanks TN and Jill.

TN: I am sorry that you will soon be in the same boat. I wish it wasn't so hard, but it is. You have some great ideas for dealing with your T being away. It sounds like you've had a rough road in that area. I agree with you, I too want my T to have a great vacation and to be able to relax and leave her clients problems behind. She deserves that and will be a much better T if she gets the break. I also have a few items that my T gave me that will help get me through and I know I will be posting here!

Jill: Yes, I plan to try to use the time as a break from T for me as well. I've (we) have been working really hard for a long time and a break would be nice. I'm hoping that I can plan enough activities to keep me busy and distracted and that the time will be relaxing and not stressful. I think I will schedule an extra massage during that time as well!

STRM I know how you feel, i saw my T last night and I'm not seeing her again for 6 weeks She has the whole of August off every year. Like you I want her to have a great holiday although walking home from the session I was thinking I hope she has a stinking rotten holiday

I can't give you any advise because the way I deal with her holidays is to shut down, I think I put her in a little box in my head until its time to go back, I guess i don't want to miss her.

Hev

STRM,

As you might recall, I had my own awful two week break earlier in the summer (and I really appreciated your input during that time). I don't have much to offer because I don't really know how to handle those breaks. I guess the only advice I would give would be to really, carefully try to detect any feelings of rejection or abandonment when talking or thinking about the approaching break. I think it's awesome that your T gave you 5 weeks notice, too.

For me, when my T announces he'll be missing a session or going away, there's this tiny littler voice inside me that says, "but what about me?" And I've paid an awful price for ignoring that voice and I'm trying really hard to get in touch with it and draw out the feelings behind it.

If you have a similar voice, it might be productive to examine it with your T. It might be that wounded inner you that's dying to be heard and felt.

Russ

MacLove: All good ideas, thanks!

Hev: Thanks for the empathy. I can't imagine 6 weeks!! OMG! I'm sorry for whining about my two weeks. I think for 6 I would need some serious intervention.

Russ: Yes, I not only have that voice, but it belongs to a child part of mine. My T actually let some of us adult parts know about two months ahead of time and asked when the best time would be to let the more attached child parts know of her impending vacation. T is well aware of the attachment, abandonment and fear issues that her absence will bring up so that is why we are starting early and working all of this out before she goes. I do remember you time away from your T and I'm happy to see that you and others here have done well during breaks even though it was hard. I did a whole week back around Memorial Day and it went well. I just have to make it two this time.

STRM 2 weeks is just as hard as six, I decided to write my thoughts down and bring them with me when I see my T again. I think we need to do stuff like meeting a friend for coffee, going for walks or even doin the dreaded housework On second thoughts.....sod the housework, lets have some fun instead

Hev

Great idea Hev. I faxed my T with a preliminary list of ideas and things that I will need to work out with her before she goes.

I will have kids going to school mid August so I'll already be a few weeks into my mad housework mania before T goes. I should probably make sure I have some left to do! Who am I kidding, there is always housework with 3 kids!

I think I might take myself to the movies one of the days as well. Just have to make sure not to pick a movie that could be triggering!

A long break can feel really isolating..I always fear that I won't be able to contain everything in my head, with nobody to tell who might know and understand. I start internalising what happened, wonder why I am so inept at coping etc and then feel worse as a result.

The best way of dealing with this for me(experience of many a long break ) has been to keep busy and try to plan a few nice things to look forward to as goals, so I think that STRM and Hev you are both definitely on the right lines.. ..

quote:

I think we need to do stuff like meeting a friend for coffee, going for walks or even doin the dreaded housework On second thoughts.....sod the housework, lets have some fun instead

Agreed!! Hope that you can see these things through. Writing stuff down in between is also a really good idea. I hope that the time passes smoothly and quickly,

starfish

strm, yes, movies can be so triggering, i have to laugh, though, took my kids to see 'dispicable me' and the child abuse, as i saw it, brought tears, finally my 15 year old turned to me and said, 'mom, get a grip, it is an 'animated' cartoon!'

i dunno, i think it should be R....those poor orphaned little girls....really a tear jerker for me..

major buzz kill!! jill