jm:

2 more days....ONLY....lol

LOL!
Hey AJB!
Actually I just spoke to my T and she has that extra appointment available for me tomorrow afternoon, so I get to see my T tomorrow AND Wednesday!

Do I hear applause?? Is everyone shouting with relief; “Finally we get to stop hearing from JM “My T is gone, I haven’t seen my T is sooo long. Wha!…” LOL! Actually you’ve all been great and thank you for helping me get through this. Hopefully I wasn’t too obnoxious. Even so, I am sure I will find plenty things to post on in the near future.

i am so happy for you and SOOOOOOOOOOOO jealous too. i'm getting anxious about my upcoming session too. i can't wait to get there, but then when it's time, i start worrying that he may schedule my next appt in 3 or 4 weeks. crazy, huh? and what in the world will we talk about this time? oh well, i have TWO more days to obsess about it. hope you have a good one tomorrow. let us know.

JM,
That is SO awesome! You did it, you made it through. You should be so proud of yourself. And you weren't even close to obnoxious! Let us know how it goes!

AJB,
I hate when you start worrying about the end of the session before you get there, but I totally understand. Happens all the time! And its ok for you to talk to your T about coming weekly (as long as finances aren't a problem, I'm not sure if you were on that schedule for that reason, or that's how often your T recommended coming in.) In either case,you sound pretty normal to me. At least, for around here.

AG

Hi All,
I bit the bullet and took Samy's excellent, insightful and intelligent suggestion to start a new transference topic as this one is getting a little unwieldy. So this discussion will be continued in

Transference Part II

I also put a backtrack link in the new topic.

See ya there!

AG

Hi AG and JM and others,

just thought I would write in to let you know how I am travelling. I found myself with friends and someone I am working with as a mentor. As we spent the day together, I became aware of an inner state of tension, as my mentor was paying attention to another friend. The others began to eat lunch and I separated myself off to experience my feelings - becoming stronger each moment. I realised that I really needed my mentor to come. My friend who was there with me, supporting me, said did I want her to get the mentor. I immediately recognised the moment was about attachment and declined. In the needing, I was able to experience and release the held body memory of needing and not getting - through a rather loud involuntary sound. Felt good to me! As the waves subsided, my mentor entered the room and my friend left. When asked my mentor said to me that she didnt feel to come into the room until the actual time that she did. The circumstances were in Divine timing. We talked and moved on with the day.

There may be more energy to be released on this trauma, however, for me this now means that there is less in the way in my friendship with my T. I spent the evening with her and her family the other night, which was very relaxing. It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner. The universe works in mysterious ways to provide reflections of who we are.

I am still aware of the presence of sexual energy in thinking about my T and at times being in her presence. I believe this is part of the next layer of "stuff" wanting to move so that the life force that has been repressed can be allowed its right of passage - ie energy for living and loving and full expression of who I am in the world. I look forward to a weekend womens workshop being conducted by my T, to see what will emerge from the deep dark ravines of the Goddess.

May the Truth be with You and speak through you.

Em.

quote:

I spent the evening with her and her family the other night, which was very relaxing. It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner.

is your mentor a different person than your T?
are you saying you spent an evening at your T's house?

just wanting some clarifying before i reply...

antoni

Em,
I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond to this post, but I have been really struggling with what to say. I want to be really supportive to what you're going through but I also want to be really honest with you. You sound very grounded and like you are staying very aware and present as you work through this, which is no small thing.

But some of the things that you said I found troubling. I may be projecting my own problems and struggles on to you so take this with a grain of salt. There's a good chance that I'm just not as far along my healing path as you are on yours. But you speaking of feeling tension because you're mentor was talking to someone else and how simply it was resolved makes me worry that there is more going on than you are looking at and being conscious of, and doing this in an environment where the boundaries are not clear feels really dangerous to me. Then you said

quote:

It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner.

and that sounded really scary. My parents and how they related are part of what has left me so damaged. The very troubles that took me to therapy in the first place were because I was finding people like my parents and unconsciously trying to fix what went wrong the first time through. The fact that you see similarities to your mother/parents makes me worry that there is a serious amount of countertransference going on with your T so that instead of working through these feelings, you are actually engaging in the same patterned dance that you've always experienced. I am really sorry if this seems too harsh, I really am speaking up out of concern for you.

And I know I could be wildly far of the mark but I felt like it would be wrong not to speak up. Thank you for coming and talking about what your experience is. I really appreciate your openess. I hope I haven't chased you off.

AG

is your mentor a different person than your T?
are you saying you spent an evening at your T's house?

just wanting some clarifying before i reply...

antoni[/QUOTE]

Hi Antoni. The mentor I speak about is a new friend who is teaching me some new skills. My T is not the same person. And I did spend an informal evening with my T, at her home.

Hi AG,

I appreciate your concern. I was holding my own space in that interaction with my mentor. and received good advice from this forum on what it was I was dealing with - which helped me to hold my space.

Yeah, sure, there is a lot more being uncovered and this is not just a simple release. It is one of the many layers in releasing myself from the chains that bind. I trust the Divine to present the opportunities to bring me closer to my true nature and release me from the past patterns of defence and entrenched defensive behaviour.

I hear your concern about countertransference and can only bring myself back to trust the process of life - which is in essence a therapeutic experience when I learn from my mistakes and celebrate my Truth. You must remember that we are no longer in a one to one therapeutic relationship. We are travelling together at this point into places that feel uncertain - and I trust myself to know and when I dont, I trust myself to find my way through and find the words and the questions to ask.

Here I am explaining myself and my experience of life and trying to justify something that is outside of "normal" procedure. This is my whole life - being on the outside of normal - trying to look and be normal, instead of the truth of who I am and what I feel. I feel I have a greater chance to find myself in this way than through other ways on offer that I know of. It is a risk and an adventure, and the people I am with are far more willing to turn their tools on themselves and to grow and learn with me and from me. That feels like the Truth to me.

Perhaps I am on a dangerous tangent - and so be it. However, I am willing to take the risk to feel alive and deeply connected and conscious.

Thank you for speaking up and providing me with an opportunity for reflection and the chance to hold my own sacred point of view in the face of a different opinion, and to speak my Truth - the things I know from my experience - often wildly different from others. However, I have found over time that I can appreciate and really value both the unity and the diversity I share with other people as we relate with our Truth in the moment. I feel connected and yet can appreciate my own talents and potential. At those times, I believe peace is possible.

Speak your Truth so that you may hear.
Em

Em,
Thank you for that very generous reply, I am glad that you were able to see that I was coming from a place of concern. But its obvious that you are very aware of all the issues and are prepared to deal with them.I think that the boundaries have been SO important to me in dealing with these issues that I'm assuming that has to be true for everyone and I know better than that.I really do believe that our healing path is as unique as we are. We can understand some of the places, experiences and feelings of other people enough to lend support but no two people will go exactly the same way to get better.

And your willingness to risk in order to feel alive and deeply connected and conscious is at the heart of living a life worth living.

And I don't believe in "normal" procedures. And I wouldn't want you feeling like you have to conform to some ideal of mine. I've done my fair share of heading off in directions that other people have looked at askance and many times I've done the right thing despite how it looked to others. You are very clear about what you're doing, what the dangers and issues are and what resources you have to deal with them. It is impossible to do more than that.

Thank you for allowing me to speak and better yet, hearing me. I wish you blessings and peace on your journey. And it would be good to continue hearing about how you're doing. You provide a perspective very different from mine which is always a good thing. Take care.

AG

Hello,

I've never used a site like this and am very nervous about this whole idea but here it goes...

I have been in marriage counseling for 2 years now. My therapist has done a wonderful job at keeping my marriage together. Without her, I don't believe I would still be married today. The problem is that every time my wife and I go to counseling sessions, the stronger my feeling get for my therapist. I have become completely infatuated with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I know she is happily married and loves her job. She would NEVER jeopardize her career or marriage for me. Since I know this to be true, I have become extremely heart broken. I'm pretty sure that my T and my wife have no idea about my feelings. It's hard to keep this kind of stuff inside.

There is no way I could tell my T how I feel. She would surely tell my wife and then their would be a huge problem. I'm not sure if she would handle the situation or refer us to someone else. I think I should suggest to wife that we get a new marriage counselor. But I would hate not seeing her anymore. I guess eventually I would get over it.

I hope you can help me.

Thanks.

Thank Dragonfly and June,

To answer some of your questions Dragonfly, what I know about my T's credentials is that she is a licenesed marriage and family therapist. I have had private sessions with her before, so I could meet with her alone. You may be right that she wouldn't tell my wife but my fear is that if I told her how I feel and she did decide to refer my wife and I to someone else, I may have to explain why. OR, she may come up with a more general reason to explain to my wife to make things easier.

I have read that marriage therapists are not the best when it comes to transference because they don't necessarily believe in the idea. Thoughts anyone?

June, you may be right about the confidential thing. I didn't think about that. I'm just not sure how it would work sine she also has to help with my marital issues. It depends on how she prioritizes the issues I guess.

Just knowing that somebody has read my post has made feel better. Keeping all this inside has been hard. I read a lot of this thread a month ago and reading it made me feel better for a short time. I hope that I can get over this soon. It's just that every time I go, all the feelings come back. Weeks go by, I start to feel better then it's time to see her again. And every time, the feelings come back even stronger. I suppose telling her my feelings before I try to leave makes sense, I just don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

But thank you both for your thoughts. They are greatly appreciated! I will take this info. to heart.

Hi STRAHP,
I want to say hello and welcome to the forum, I'm glad you posted. I was in a very similar position. My husband and I started seeing his therapist for marital counseling and while working with him together I developed a strong attachment. I did go to him and tell him how I felt (terrified I would be sent away) but instead it led to my working with him individually. I was very blessed in that I have a very understanding husband, so I was very open with him and told him how I felt right after I told our T and we were all able to discuss it when we needed to. This worked for us because my T is a boundary ninja and did a really good job keeping the relationship safe and theraputic and I think I did a pretty good job, despite how intense and painful it could get, of keeping my focus on healing. But examining the relationship between us and my feelings for my T were key to my healing. It turned out really well. My marriage is in very good shape and we've left both marital and individual counseling. I would write more but I'm fighting with a bad breathing problem and bronchitis at the moment and am not firing on all cylinders.

But I do want you to know there's hope. I have done a lot of posting, if you look especially at the Personal Stories section that's where I start most of my threads. Hopefully reading some of that might help in the meantime. I'm planning on getting back on the board as soon as I'm well. I just wanted to say hi.

AG

SBRAHP

I just wanted to welcome you to the boards. I don't have any great advice for you, but I hope you stick around. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult bind.