I... I'm so scared because of something that happened awhile ago (in feb) that I don't know how to deal with now... I feel like I need to talk but I don't know where to go or who to turn to right now. My T is gone on vacation and I dunno what to do with her reaction anyhow... I need to talk or I need to stop the panic or I need... something... I dunno what to do... I'm so afraid that people will or do think I am a freak if they knew...

I just - I'm shivering. I wonder - what am I looking for? how would talking possibly help? I just want it all to stop and be over - but it's not over, I have to figure out which thing I am going to do in response to what happened and they all have long term consequences and none of them feel like anything I can deal with...

I don't know what to do or who to turn to or that talking or saying anything can help, but keeping it all locked up inside is not working... I just can't face this, there has to be a better option a better way out - this just can't be right or ok, but I can't see or find any way out of this...

I wonder if I should post what is going on here... I don't know of a safer place right now... but I dunno... I wonder if you all think I am a freak too...

My T is gone, I can't... I have to face this and find some solution and I am totally lacking in any.

Surely, I am overreacting - and maybe I wonder if I talk someone can tell me you are overreacting and then I won't be such a mess and then I will be ok... or at least better and...

but right now, it's just all stuck in my head. stop stop i just want the fear and panic to stop... i just don't know what to do...

oh jane doe........It sounds like you are in a bit of a state......just take some deep breaths sweetie.
Do you think that you could post here and tell us what is troubling you so much? no one is going to think you are a freak and judge you.....promise.
If you cant post on the open forum. is there someone you feel close to on here who you could PM?
I'm sorry that your T isn't about right now.I guess she hasn't left you with another T's number who maybe is covering her patients?
please, if you need to talk and you can cope with doing that.........post and we will be here for you.
take care
draggers x

Janedoe,
I am sorry you appear to be stuck in such pain right now.......

I would encourage you, if you can, to talk about what is going on with 'us'. It is likely that someone, if not more people here will be able to relate. I don't want to push you into 'talking' - I don't think that is helpful at all. But if you are able, could you say a little bit? I have found that when I am feeling this way and am scared to reach out, I usually feel better if I take the leap. Not knowing what you are struggling with, it's difficult to say so you ultimately have to listen to your own voice - and you have a strong voice! But, we would like to help if we can.

janedoe, feel free to pm me if it would help. i get the shivers at times and it helps to go outside, (pop an anxiety med or a beer...or both...oops!)

when i was spinning over the t3 giving me the boot, i kept telling myself she is just ONE person in this BIG world and certainly ONE person i hardly know couldn't be that important, and to recognize it for what it really pulled on, and that was the attachment stuff.

can you determine what this is really about?? can you look out at the stars in the night and see how big the universe is, and how you can cope despite this problem...this was a way i dissassociated and minimized as a kid. worked, probably just in a pinch, but so often i am.

i know this is minimizing, but i tend to dramatize what i think my worst nightmare is, and this helps me.

i am so sorry you are spinning, ms. doe. i'd be happy to help, i'm here if you need me! jill