Does anyone else feel like it is so hard to "do life" and keep going while dragging out all of this stuff in T? Don't get me wrong, I function really well outside of T, it's just that all of this work seems so all consuming most of the time. I was just wondering if anyone else feels this some?

Yes a resounding yes! I find the two can be almost mutually exclusive - though like you i can get on with real life no problem (not that there is too much onerous in my life anyway) - I find that I WANT to expend my energy on therapy and trying to fix myself, that's a real priority and real life can really get in the way lol.

Sorry i'd answer better and a bit less flippantly i've just od'ed on posting about self and need to take a break for dinner. But I do think it can be really difficult being in therapy and having to run your life normally no matter that the whole idea of therapy is that you incorporate what you learn in therapay into real life, usually without even noticing. And real life also makes for the stuff and problems that we bring to therapy. But yeah, it's no piece of cake.

Lamplighter

Thanks LL. I am trying, but I find it hard to shut off the quest to find the "right thing" that is going to make me feel better. Ya know? I do try to take time to step away from it, but it's hard. I'm trying hard this next week. I have a whole week without T which is the longest I've gone since December!

I find life hard while in therapy. But I'm only able to really function if I'm not really feeling anything. Right now, therapy has a tendency to drag up feelings, but they come in torrents. If I have a particularly deep session, I find it hard to function for a few days after. It seems like it's an all-or-nothing thing for me right now, because I'm either completely miserable or numb and functioning perfectly. A lot of times I feel so much conflict over letting myself get deep into therapy, because even though I know these torrents of emotions will eventually get better once I let myself feel more on a regular basis, I don't know how I'll deal with life until that happens.

Monte,

That is often how I feel. I definitely need more time alone and am more easily overwhelmed. I do feel like I have less to give which leaves me feeling like I have a ton of things going on and I'm not doing any of them as well as I would like.

i appreciate all your sharing about life during therapy. my partner is in therapy for abandonment issues and can't see me or call me until he feels better, which could be most of the summer. i miss him something awful. i don't really understand why i can't be allowed to even be a part of his support system while he works thru this. your postings are good for me to read. thanks

Hi All,

You can add me to the "yes" camp here. In fact, I find just being alive difficult much of the time because my particular symptomatology is a kind of chronic feeling of anxious head fog and fear. Sometimes it's tolerable, sometimes not, and it's all completely related to the semi-conscious conflicts I'm trying like hell to resolve in therapy.

For me, therapy and my "real" life are like parallel universes, even tho, as LL says, what happens in therapy seeps into life outside of therapy.

I wonder if others feel this way. Therapy has become my "real" life, and my life outside of therapy has become almost secondary because much of it - at least the part involving work and interaction with my family - are mostly superficial. Therapy is just about the only place where I don't have to deal with the layers of cultural phoniness...like pretending I want to spend time with my parents, pretending that my job is interesting and fulfilling, pretending that everything in life is just dandy...etc, etc. For me, therapy is a refuge of truth and acceptance in a world of serious bullshit, and being in both worlds is strange and difficult.

A quick story about this. This past week, my department had a "retreat" where a "facilitator" with an MSW had us do to a bunch of team building exercises. I'm sure many of you here have had to endure this painful work experience. It's like forced group therapy. What struck me about it was these team building retreats are always very good at revealing everyone's neuroses, but that's all it really does because it's only one day and very little of it gets carried over into anything. It ends up being like going to one day of therapy, then expecting everything to improve. I wanted to tell the guy running it that what he was up against was the neuroses of 20 people, and because most of our neuroses are cemented in childhood, one day of talking about it - while a nice idea - probably wouldn't result in much.

Also - and tell me if this is weird - when the facilitator was talking about communication and feelings and empowerment and all the other keywords you hear at these things, I had this strange feeling of pride and, I guess, arrogance, because I'm in real therapy. I kind of felt like saying, "look pal, I'm going through an intense psychotherapy already. I know more about what motivates people to be neurotic and petty and crazy at work than you ever will. Breaking us up into groups and having us build a diorama won't fix the fact that half of us hate our parents."

Russ

Russ hi! What you said is exactly how it is with me - that my 'real' life actually revolves around therapy and real life itself is a kind of inconvenience that gets in the way of my trying to get better.

It's even worse at the moment because i'm without a therapist so it's all kind of revolving around inside my own head and real life itself just makes everything worse.

Know what you mean about those corporate group session things. But maybe they work for people who aren't terribly aware of what's going on inside their own heads? Don't know you'd think whoever organizes them has some idea of their value otherwise why have them? But they're no fun if you're already light years ahead in the self-discovery stakes

LL

LL,

The retreat wasn't entirely awful. The facilitator was a very nice guy and his heart was in the right place, and he was also good at poking a little fun at the whole idea, too.

Also, it was held at a very beautiful place...a working farm that holds events like this, so that was really nice. And the truth is, I'm lucky to work with (mostly) really kind and decent people.

Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Russ:


I wonder if others feel this way. Therapy has become my "real" life, and my life outside of therapy has become almost secondary because much of it - at least the part involving work and interaction with my family - are mostly superficial. Therapy is just about the only place where I don't have to deal with the layers of cultural phoniness...like pretending I want to spend time with my parents, pretending that my job is interesting and fulfilling, pretending that everything in life is just dandy...etc, etc. For me, therapy is a refuge of truth and acceptance in a world of serious bullshit, and being in both worlds is strange and difficult.

Russ,

This is exactly what I was feeling when I started this thread. Yes, I totally feel like therapy is my "real" life at this point and the other does get in the way at times. I don't want it to be that way, but it just is what it is at this point. I recently had a discussion with my T about feeling so "fake" in the outside world. It feels like I'm just going through the motions and I end up feeling like such a fraud most of the time.

Hi everyone,

First time here. WOW, I could cry...after 4 years of therapy, I just told my therapist this past Friday that I am quitting because I must simply not be "therapy material". Between the excrutiatingly painful transference, dismissing or "seeing live pass right before my eyes" because therapy and my therapist had become life for me, I thought we both had failed but...my Gawd, I could have written most of the posts in this website. So great to see I'm not the only one!!!!!!

Welcome Someday! I'm glad that you are finding that you are not alone. It is a relief to read and see yourself in others' posts, isn't it?

quote:

For me, therapy is a refuge of truth and acceptance in a world of serious bullshit, and being in both worlds is strange and difficult.

Thanks for this, Russ. I know I couldn't have said it any better!

russ, you seriously crack me up. this is too funny, and, too true. my husband is being really good about it, but i have almost NOTHING else to talk about. therapy is on my mind CONSTANTLY, but now, more and more, i am learning when it is the four year old talking, and the adult. and i see everything through the eyes of therapy.

your retreat is too funny, yes, things i hear that people are experiencing and not coming up with the words, i quickly throw in the concept they are describing, ie: 'transference' or 'flooding', then they look at me and say, 'yeah'...and i realize i might as well put a sign on my head that reads 'AM IN THERAPY' because it is SO OBVIOUS. sometimes i open up to people i shouldn't about it, and lately, since it has been getting closer to a year, i am trying to not say a word to anyone, as i feel embarrassed to still be in it, which brings up a good point, since we are all fixated on the process, HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU ARE IN THERAPY?? my answer?? too many. why do i do that??

but one thing, don't you feel it takes the strain and drain off of your friendships??

i actually think i love therapy (good session today, three hours...yikes!! but got alot of good tears out, i think she called them healing tears.))

i may never quit therapy. i think i found mommy. i never had a real mommy. i am four. and i found mommy...(and you can bet i don't share THAT with anyone but my cyber-friends!!)

great tale, russ, great sense of humor!! love to be able to laugh at all this, and how real life gets in the way of therapy.

dragonfly lucy, I just saw your post to me. Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to understand why my partner who has abandonment issues can't let me be a part of the healing process and only sort of get it. For him to even see me triggers emotions he can't handle and he said he has to get stabilized again before he can see me again. I love him so much and am not used to not being allowed to support someone I love when they are hurting. I don't know how long this will take and I miss him soo much. I even hired an email therapist to have someone to talk to about it, but that turned out to not be helpful. I also have read Susan Anderson's books which are some good information. But what I most want is to even have a phone call from my partner just to feel connected again. Saand