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Questions about content on MyShrink and/or being in therapy.
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I agree Russ. I printed that out so that I could keep reading it over and over again yesterday. It's like wow, I have changed and 'I am the last to know.' | ||||
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There's a book by Nick Hornsby called "A Long Way Down" about four people who meet because they all went to the same rooftop in London on New Year's Eve to commit suicide. The rest of the book is a subtle, funny, really insightful look at how we change each other sometimes in very unexpected ways. There are no grand resolutions or thunderous revelations, it happens like it does in real life. They each gradually shift infintesimal bit by bit until they're somewhere else, a place where they want to live without knowing how they got there. It's beautfully summed up by a scene at the end of the book. They all go back to the rooftop and from there you can see the London Eye, the giant ferris wheel on the bank of the Thames. One of the characters looks at it and says, "that's funny, you can't see it moving from here, but you know it's moving." I thought it was the most perfect analogy for therapy I ever heard. AG ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." My blog: Tales of a Boundary Ninja | |||
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AG, That sounds like another 'must read.' I looked it up real briefly on AMazon.com and it gives me the sense of what coming here is like. All of us having some sort of agony and triumph to share. Touching each others lives and changing each other for the better just for being there when you thought you were the only one who was desperate and in need of help. I think I willhave to order that one. Thanks. | ||||
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Just Me, It was an awesome read, I read it cover to cover in like three days. He's a really good writer with what I consider to be highly keen insight into the human condition. His characters are all three-dimensional and have both good and bad about them. And he is so funny! I actually found myself laughing out loud while reading it, I really think you would like it. Let me know when you read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. AG ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." My blog: Tales of a Boundary Ninja | |||
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The kind of falling-back that I'm worried about is when it seems that suddenly I'm feeling all down and horrible about myself when it sure didn't seem like I was that way before. Like, now I have periodic bouts of feeling worthless. I don't remember having those before. That kind of thing doesn't seem like a positive bit at all. And I know that things and feelings can get worse before they get better (I mean, I read that, and ya'll have said it), but ... Grr. And I can't use the techniques that ShrinkLady's page advocates, 'cause when I read back over my journal I didn't use to talk about myself that way, and now I do. So...I can haz progress, plz? kkthxbai. | ||||
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We had a discussion in therapy today about progress...specifically, about what you can change and what you can't. It started when somebody asked if we were ever worried about falling back into the worst of it. Lots of folks talked about new ways they have of noticing when they're falling into bad patterns, and how they hope to keep themselves out of the kinds of situations and worst-case-scenarios where they feel like they'd go back to the worst of their feared patterns. We went into really hard-to-deal-with-patterns. Then we slid into talking about what you can change and what you can't. The idea of not being able to change things & patterns was scary. It sounds like some of what I worry about the most: that I'm broken or sullied or scarred forever or whatnot. | ||||
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Wynne, I deeply believe that it is possible to change your patterns of behavior, it's just difficult work because you have to in effect "re-wire" your brain. And because so many of these patterns play out on a non-verbal level and are unconscious, it takes being in a relationship with someone who can help you see what you're doing and not aware of. I'm reading a really good book on Attachment right now called, appropriately enough There's some quotes from the book I'll post later when I have the time about this subject, but I didn't want to let it go to long without answering. You are not broken, or sullied. There may possibly be some scars, but scars are a sign of healing. That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. And postpones the inevitable. AG ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." My blog: Tales of a Boundary Ninja | |||
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Hi Wynne, Sorry it's taken so long to post this stuff; crazy week, volleyball season has started. The following excerpts are from the hardback edition of Attachment in Psychotherapy by David J Wallin. This is written by a professional for professionals and I will confess that it can be pretty heavy going at times, but there's also been an incredible wealth of information. It has described a lot of what I have seen play out in my work with my T. I just wanted to post a few quotes about our ability to change.
And last, but not least:
So, bottom line, who we are and how we behave is set down at a very young age and deeply influences our behaviors and relationships. But if we didn't receive what we needed then to develop a healthy, secure, internal sense of security, its not too late. We can, through forming a new secure attachment, accomplish the development now. And internalizing a secure base actually changes who we are and our ability to react to our experiences. It's never too late; your brain structure, your sense of yourself are NOT cast in concrete. I'm not saying its not difficult, painful and a lot of hard work; but knowing that its possible is more than half the battle. We do not strive in vain. AG ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." My blog: Tales of a Boundary Ninja | |||
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Thank you AG for writing all of this out and for selecting these passages. I know someone who will benefit from reading this. TN ********************** "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer "Truly it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us." Meister Eckhart | ||||
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This statement scares me as I never did develope secure relationships in my child. For 3 years I was away from home every winter living in other peoples homes. During that time I was on my own. No family, no friends. I pretty much internalized everything, even my feelings of loneliness. I never did show emotions, as I felt I was not allowed. Makes the uphill battle seem awfully tough Kats | ||||
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Kats...don't let this statement scare you. What you will internalize through psychotherapy is your T's reassurances and the experience of being heard and cared for. This is all good. The psychotherapy seeks to replace the things like the lonliness and feelings of isolation and fear of being dependent that we have internalized instead of the good stuff. I'm not saying it's not an uphill battle ... because I've been struggling up the hill myself, but I think the end result (if we stick with it) will make it worthwhile. TN ********************** "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer "Truly it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us." Meister Eckhart | ||||
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AG, Many thanks for the excerpts. I've been thinking about them and the topic of the role of individual therapy in my life for a bit now, 'cause the sessions with Tfella are up and it's time for me to probably be transitioning to seeing someone in the community - or not. And since I'm in group therapy as it is, I had to figure out what individual therapy gave that group didn't - or, if it didn't give anything different, if I even needed to try to find another T. I have decided to start looking, and asked Tfella for referrals, in large part because of this whole phenomenon that you're talking about. Group just doesn't have that kind of attachment, not with the Ts or the other members. I _do_ get things in group that I would never get in individual therapy - advice, support about making good choices, feedback about how other people really see me - that I don't get in individual therapy. Lots to think about. | ||||
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