Hi, my T recently told me that I am her only client (at least of whom she is aware - key phrase) who posts on an online mental health forum of any kind. She seems to be mildly curious about it, so I have been giving her an education. For example, I told her how we refer to our therapists as "T's", and showed her how we give ((( cyber hugs ))).

I didn't talk about the forum in therapy at all until after about 6 months of sessions. But I have lately found it to be a useful tool, being able to share your feedback in my sessions and discuss what I have learned here. So I am interested to know how many of you also bring our online community with you into your sessions? Or would you feel threatened if your T's knew about the forum?

Question:
Are you open or private in disclosing your online forum participation to your therapists?

Choices:
No, I am COMPLETELY SECRETIVE & don't plan on EVER mentioning it.
No, I've NOT YET mentioned the forum but am CONSIDERING doing so.
Yes, I've ADMITTED generally to forum activities - very LIMITED disclosure only.
Yes, I've READ/SHARED SEVERAL actual forum posts in session.
I KNOW my T has actually VISITED the site.

 

No, and I don't want my T to know what I was writing here.
MH, I admire that you were so open to tell your T about this forum. I don't even want to mention it to my T. I don't want him to know that I am writing some stuff about him. Maybe one day, I don't know.

oooh scary. I would be afraid she would find it. I know - very presumptuous on my part to assume that she would even be interested, and there is the fact that she is extremely ethical with very firm & professional boundaries. Still won't tell her anytime soon - not ruling it out for someday.

I've mentioned this forum a couple of times, generally I get a really puzzled look from him. Perhaps it's because I describe it as a "support group for therapy"

I've never mentioned it to my T, she probably would think it is a good thing for me. But I don't participate enough to really be a part of it.

KS

I have told my T that I post to a forum but in general terms and he has no idea which one I'm refering to. He seems to think it's a good thing, for one that I'm reaching out to other people and two, that I receive support, especially during times when he is not available.

Hi MH. I've talked to my t about this forum before, even given her the link. I don't think she's ever looked into it though. But if she did, it wouldn't bother me because I don't write anything that I haven't already told her or anything that I don't eventaully plan on telling her. Plus, even if she did read something on here that I hadn't told her, she wouldn't tell me about it- she'd wait for me to tell her... she's all patient and controlled like that.

When I first told her about my participation here, I told her that I needed to have some people in my life who understand therapy and transference so I didn't feel all alone and crazy. She reminded me that I also need to be around people who AREN'T in therapy so that my life isn't all about therapy and her. I told her that I was cautious about my posting and relationships because (no offense intended) we are all in therapy for a reason and some of us, myself included, probably aren't the best at relationships and friendships in general. I have a propensity to be a "rescuer" so I really have to watch myself and make sure I don't get TOO involved in other people's stuff as a way of avoiding my own issues- it's hard.

At one point though, I did find myself in an unhealthy relationship with someone I had met on here, and it REALLY opened my eyes. It was a difficult experience, but it did give me an opportunity to analyze some of my relational issues in my sessions... but I prefer to save my projections and transference issues for my t these days if i can... it's much tidier to have it all in one place! lol

One thing my t did comment on, however, was a way in which I use this forum. Often, since we all are different people and have different expereiences- and different therapists- we don't all think that each others t's are "doing it right" or we don't understand the motivation of everyone else's t's. At times in the past, I've been able to describe a situation with my t, face some tough questions from you all, and then (and this is the important part) try to explain to everyone why my t is doing what she's doing (not in a defensive way). It's really helped me to get a good handle on what her perspective may be, and to get me out of "OMG SHE HATES ME AND DID XY AND Z BECAUSE I AM AN AWFUL UNLOVABLE PERSON" mode. My t said that she thinks it's a good use of this forum, and I do too!

The only thing she really seemed to worry about was that I consider my sources, you know? We all have differences and we all have to take one another with a grain of salt. I don't mean that we aren't trustworthy, honest people, but I mean that so-and-so's description of something may not hold true for me. However, I really do find solace in the fact that everyone is so open here, and so aware of the fact that everyone's experience is their own. Plus, we all know that there isn't just one way of doing something, and that there are many roads for healing. If there was a one-size-fits all solution, we'd have nothing to say! I'd also like to add that another part of what makes me feel comfortable here is the fact that I don't have to reply to everything all the time. There are enough people here to support all of us, without any one of us feeling like we HAVE to take care of anyone else. Or, if I disagree with something, get triggered, or am too busy with life off the boards, I know I'm not letting anyone down... and I really appreciate that. It's good practice for me to accept that i can't be everything for eveyone.

Sorry, I think I've written a novel. Hopfeully I've answered some of your questions or at least have provided you with another expereience.

-CT

I think this is interesting that you're asking this now because I just mentioned this to my T yesterday in my scary session and she actually said something about it being a good thing because it can help me feel connected with other people that I have things in common with and can help "normalize" my issues for me. I thought that was cool that she would say that. I would never give her the name of the website or if I were to read her any posts, I would edit names (even with white out in case she wanted to read it herself or have me leave it with her for later reading). So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't mind my T knowing that I participate in an online forum, or even sharing with her some of the information that gets shared among the members, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with her knowing which forum, as I wouldn't want her snooping around trying to find my posts and such. Good question, MH.

I wish my P knew about this site but without me having to tell him. I would love for him to know what I wrote on here because I know there is some information that would help him understand the way I see things a lot better. And I am way better at saying the things on here than I am in session. And I know that if he ever does find this place that he will know who is me because I am so specific on here about what happens in session. And I know the way he is that he would read the things I wrote and use the information to make our relationship and connection better but would not bring stuff up until I did. So I wouldnt have to be worried about him reading it and then next session wanting to bring it up. Although it might be good if he did. I also wish that he would make an account and answer some of my posts and that I would know it was him without him knowing that I know that cause I would like to see his response on some of the things I write without me having to ask him. I am hoping some day that I will be brave enough to tell him about it and tell him to come check it out, but I doubt he would.

Pippi hi

I wouln't choose to tell my T about this site - think it's good to do some aspects of therapy independently, but I wouldn't mind at all if she did find out as she's always encouraging me to try and talk a little to someone else. So she'd probably be quite proud (she's easily pleased ) that I have shared as much as I have There's nothing I've posted that she doesn't already know!!

starfish

Hi MH,
Can I just say dittos to everything CT wrote?

I've told my T about the forum and have sent him several of my posts (and some from other people with their permission) but I don't give him a link, I cut and paste into an email. My favorite was the 10 Things I learned in therapy question. (Although I deeply regret that HB's post was deleted, it was amazing!!) I told my T about it because it wasn't until I attempted to answer that question that I realized how much I had learned. He asked me to send it to him if I was comfortable. I did and got back a wonderful response; it's one of my favorite emails from him. I've never identified the site but mainly because of what CT said. My T wouldn't go looking, because he'd be waiting for me to bring whatever the issue was up in session. I remember once when I really started working with the grief (which was about a year and a half in) looking at him and saying "you could probably have told me that I needed to do this five minutes after I walked in your door." And he told me that each person gets there in a unique way and the unfolding of that path is what makes its so interesting. So yeah I would classify him under patient.

And I can honestly say that there's really nothing I've posted about here that I haven't talked to my T about. Although I do appreciate that I feel a little bit more relaxed about how I say things here. And I always appreciate the support. Just having people who understand can make a huge difference but so often people have insight and allow you to look at things in a way I wouldn't have gotten to on my own. And at other times, being able to support other people can pull me out of being overwhelmed by my own stuff. It is often when I am responding to someone else's posts that I am able to realize what I've actually learned, having to articulate it makes the lesson sink in that much further.

My T has never been discouraging about being here at all, I think he sees the support as a good thing. And I really appreciate that he is understanding if I get triggered and bring something, especially if it's about how someone else's T handles things. He's very confident in what he does while being very open about not feeling like his is the only way. It's led to some really good discussions about where his boundaries are and why. In the end, I've come to the conclusion that we're a really good theraputic match and that I can really trust how he operates even when some things can be really painful.

And thanks CT for saving me all that typing!

AG

My T has known from the beginning how important this forum has been in my therapy. I told her if it wasn't for this forum, I never would have found her. I don't think I've been able to get through a session yet without mentioning at least one of the topics currently being discussed here. This week it was the thread about eye contact. She always responds in a positive way, just enough to recognize that it's been helpful to me.

But more and more lately, I've wondered if my talking about it so much ever bothers her, as in feeling that I'm relying on this forum in ways I should be relying on her, even though she's given absolutely no indication that it does. I try to keep it short when I do mention it. And I've tried to be mindful about remembering that this is not a replacement for therapy. So far I think I'm keeping it straight.

She didn't say whether she knew of anyone else participating in this type of forum. I've never given her the URL and she's never asked. As for what I've written about my T's, it's stuff I've already talked to them about (or I'd be willing to, in the case of my previous T). But it's really good to know, if there's something I'm afraid to bring up with her, I can bring it here first to sort it out and get feedback and encouragement. I love it when others do this, and then they take the risk, and their therapy jumps forward as a result. Very cool.

CT I agree with you that we need to be cautious. Overall it seems to me that we're using this forum in a way that's consistent with its intended purpose, as support for the work we are doing in the therapy. And I feel really fortunate and grateful to be a part of it.

FOT it's good to hear from you! I'm so glad you found a P who can help you heal from what happened with your former P. I look forward to hearing about how it goes, if you're up to sharing.

SG

First- I seriously think I missed something. Why doesn't Hummingbird post any more? I have had nice conversations with her in the past, and kidded her because I tried to have HB as my name, since thay are my initials. Please Share.
When I tell my T about this forum- he just laughs. He has not really said too much about it. I'v shared a few posts with the permission of the writers, but generally he doesn't comment. Iwouldn't care if he looked at it, because he knows much of my stuff, and I really don't have stuff to hide from him.

Helle, here is a link to What Happened to Hummingbird? that explains it.

Thank you MH, I did not know.How awful. She wrote some great stuff. I will miss her.