Hi. I have read for along time, but this is my first post.

I have been working with a T for 1 year. It has been very rough. I feel like we don't connect and I feel worse ABOUT myself after therapy (my self-esteem is already so low). I don't feel bad about what I talked about, but feel bad about me as a person...

T never reassures me, barely speaks, and is not predictable or timely with emergency calls. I don't think she cares at all.

I am getting so depressed BECAUSE of therapy. Last session, I just gave up and stopped talking.

Any thoughts on this relationship? It seems so wrong...
Thanks.

Hi LT and welcome to the Board. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time in therapy. Sometimes I leave my T and feel worse about things...even myself...but other times I feel very connected to him. And it took some time but I do feel safe with him. What helps me is that I have discussed my need for reassurance with him and he has been able to come through on that. We have also discussed contact out of session and he does allow email and phone calls. I try not to abuse the priviledge and he is really good about respondng for the most part. All of this helps me as I work through my attachment injury from early childhood. Knowing that he is there for me always has made a tremendous difference and I know for me personally, that I would not be able to do this hard work in therapy if I did not feel connected, safe and reassured that he was there.

Please don't just stop talking. Try to bring up these concerns to your T and then if there is no improvement, could you consider seeing someone else? Perhaps she is just not the right T with the right style for you.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

True North

Hi True North. Thanks for your reply.

I have bought up my concerns especially about the no-talking and no reassurance numerous times...that is why I just stopped talking last time. I was getting no support.

I'm not saying that T has to be a cheerleader, but what's the point of having therapy if it just truly does replicate the past?

I had another therapist for several years and I felt supported, T talked and was engaging with me, and reassured me when appropriate. It was difficult and there were times that I felt disconnected, but not like this, over many months....

I am just so depressed over this.