What are the most helpful things that your T does or has done for you?

For those currently without a T, what do you think would be helpful. What is your ideal?

He grounds me when I start to loose touch.
He validates my feelings and experiences as being real. He makes me feel like I have value.
That I exist. These are all things my husband takes from me.

((((lizzygirl))))

That sounds lovely. I'm sorry that your husband takes these things from you.

That's a great question. My T does a lot of things that over time have been very helpful. I can list some of them here,

He offers reassurance
He BELIEVES in me
He allows me to email him and he sends me wonderful emails in return
He allows me to see his emotions
Gives me a steady weekly appointment
He never lies to me
Shows me his wonderful sense of humor
Allows small gifts
Is willing to learn new things from me
Holds the important boundaries
Offers hope
Is willing to admit mistakes and apologizes (very nicely)
Is non-judgemental
Listens really well with his entire body
Teases me as a way to make me know how well he knows me
Is playful at times (mini-me loves that)
Takes my phone calls
Has a wonderful therapy dog
Gives me compliments (even if I can't take them in)

Okay I guess that is a lot of stuff but all of it combines to make our relationship work on a very intimate and healing level. The biggest thing for me has been his willingness to work with me to develop an unshakable sense of trust and safety in him. Without that, progress would be near impossible.

TN

Monte it sounds like you have a wonderful T. No wonder you have such a long relationship with him. I forgot to add to my list that my T is very humble and modest. And he has this smile that reaches his eyes that is so wonderful to see, especially when I'm in one of those moods where I'm terrified of going to see him.

Although over the years we have had our ups and downs and I have found fault with him at times, it's nice to pause and recognize all his positive traits. Makes me feel very blessed.

TN

I guess I should answer my own question!

I have been with my T a little over a year.

My T:

She meets me where I'm at on any given day
She is present with me
She is incredibly attuned
She holds boundaries very well
She keeps her stuff out of the room
She lets me express feelings and lets me know that it is ok and that I have already survived the worst, the feelings won't hurt me
She keeps me grounded and tethered to the present through my connection to her
Safety is very important to her and that makes me feel safe
She is extraordinarily patient.
She will repeat the same stuff session after session as many times as it takes for my body to catch up
She listens and really hears me
She is willing to apologize if she makes a mistake
She allows me to see her for regular twice weekly appointments and sometimes three times if I am really hurting
She understands how deeply wounded I am and is willing to be patient and wait for the trust to develop
She uses healing touch in a safe and comforting way
She is a witness to my pain
She validates my experience and my feelings
She shows me that it is safe to disagree with her or even be angry with her and she won't get mad or hurt me.

I could go on and on. She is wonderful.

I also don't want this to upset those with T issues or who don't have a T right now. I hope that it gives you hope that you can find a great T.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: scaredtoriskmyself,

He looks at me and he sees me.
He talks too me.
He laughs sometimes (almost every session maybe).
He is interested in me, my thoughts and my feelings.
He is with me.
He never was annoyed with me crying.
He seems to be all happy when I try to get back at him and be a bit ... mean? cheeky?.

These are the very simple things that I don't remember getting when I was small, so there are the most important things now. I didn't know that I could ever have something like that.

Oh, yes, sometimes he says nice things about me. He said he thinks I am intelligent and strong and resourceful.

She sits with me when I'm quiet
She has seen me the same day/time for 3 years
She understands how frighten i get sometimes
She makes the sessions about me ( i dont know anything her)
She good at slowly pulling things out of me
She is very very very patient

Hev

My T always:

Puts me first, my agenda, my fears, my hopes
Is so so so patient
Is gentle, kind and compassionate
Makes me laugh
Is comfortable with my expressing any emotion
Is totally unshockable
Is very constant
Is reliable
Is wise and knowledgeable about her subject (and many others too!)
Likes to think outside of the box
Gives me hope that I can do this work
Totally believes everything I tell her
Assures me that there will be an end point
Holds my hand when I need reassurance, hugs me safely to show she cares
Keeps me safe in sessions when memories take over from the here and now
Is very humble, especially when I feel cross towards her (and it's nearly always not her fault anyway!)
Always seeks to understand and find a way forward for me

Thanks for the thread. Big hug out there to all you who have had difficulty with your Ts, or who have no T. I hope these threads show that the good ones are out there and don't make you feel too wistful. Sorry if it has.

starfish

My T sees the real me and doesn't hate her like I do.
She makes me laugh at myself.
She's honest with me always
She sits with me in quiet and it doesn't hurt.
She supports me no matter what.
She is someone I can believe in.
She's gentle and caring and listens to me.
I know that no matter what I tell her, she will understand and not judge me.

Smiley

Oh BB they were not too long at all - but I have to say I love the images of the 'T beard' and the SD with his cassock flying , running to get tissues! He must be the first not to have a box nearby (and a clock of course!!)

starfish

BB,

It was not too long. However, I must hang my head and ask, what is an SD? I know I should probably know this, but I'm drawing a blank.

Thanks BB. That makes a lot of sense. I'm glad you were able to find that resource.

Hi STRM... I see you also use my signature quote. That is very special to me because my T gave that quote to me during a difficult time I was going through. So that's another thing he does for me... he gives me inspirational quotes when I am struggling with things and I find it touching and very helpful.

TN

quote:

Originally posted by True North:
Hi STRM... I see you also use my signature quote. That is very special to me because my T gave that quote to me during a difficult time I was going through. So that's another thing he does for me... he gives me inspirational quotes when I am struggling with things and I find it touching and very helpful.

TN

TN, I didn't even notice that you had that in your signature until you pointed it out. I like that quote and added it the other night. I have a whole list of quotes that I really like, I just happened to pick that one.

How special that your T gave you that quote. That would be such a nice gift.