Hi Missing Piece,
What your T is saying really rings true to me. If things weren't painful or difficult, we wouldn't bury them, so when we try to go towards them, it often starts to feel more difficult or like we're "emotionally stuck." BUT, and this is a biggy, the fact that you're aware of how you're feeling, talking about it with your T and trying to figure out what those feelings mean are a sign that you're NOT stuck. You're moving towards the deeper issues. But it's a lot of work and can sometimes go painfully slow.

I know sometimes when I'm really struggling for answers, it helps to give myself permission to NOT have the answers, to just say whatever I'm feeling or thinking without editing or judging it, and let my T help me figure out what is going on. You don't have to figure it out all on your own.

AG

MP, i think AG might be right. Sometimes it feels like the therapy process comes in waves. For me, it gets easier to talk openly, i let my guard down a little, then things hit a little too close to home so it goes back up. And the cycle continues. But it doesn't mean you're stuck because you will get through it, especially since you are aware of what's going on. Keep talking, and keep trying to pinpoint what is triggering you to feel "stuck".

LTF

MP
I can relate to your experience as mine sounds similar. I noticed that in most of the "raw" sessions, I spend the hour groping around for words that I might usually have. It's like my brain goes blank or something. I don't have answers, I don't have questions...I just feel muddled. I call these sessions "raw" because I feel exposed. I don't want to feel and I can't stop feeling, or I want him to save me -- tell me what to do, how to feel, what to say -- and he isn't budging. I don't think it's that I'm "stuck" so much as I am not wanting to let go and be real. I agree with Attachment Girl, I want to have the edge on what is going on inside of me instead of just opening up and expressing what's really there, in all its messy glory.

For example, today I took up a suggestion from a previous session and wrote up a list of positive things my T thinks about me (this is because I struggle with seeing my own positives). After telling him that I don't know how I will react should he not agree with the items on the list and "please be kind when you are being honest" I handed it to him -- it was just a short list that EVERY fiber of my being did not want to show him BUT I did it anyway.

This is an action example, obviously, but words (or thoughts) are the same way. I don't know how he'll react to what I'll say, ("I am terrified of you" or "I am sad because my parents want to buy me a car") because often times it is crazy, or doesn't seem to make sense, but I do it anyway. I wasted over a year playing it safe and holding out because I couldn't overcome my fear of trusting a very trustworthy person, and a very trustworthy process. It sounds like you've got a good T -- he recognizes that you have feelings and thoughts that you "can't" share because you are afraid of doing so. Go right ahead girl -- trust me, it feels awful at first but, like diving off a diving board into cool, clean water, you'll feel very glad you tried it.

Thank you for your comments. It’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who feels like this... I just need to be more patient with myself I guess.

LTF – “ ..., I let my guard down a little, then things hit a little too close to home so it goes back up. And the cycle continues ".

I think that is could also be part of my “stuck” problem at the moment . About a month or so ago, my T casually mentioned one day that he was thinking about taking a job in another part of the country (which he didn’t – possible crisis averted!) but I was truly shocked at the feelings that this stirred up in me – some feelings I don’t think I even realized that I had! I got up the courage to tell him about it and we talked about what could be the problem and we are still working on some of the things that this brought about. I think that I am feeling that if I trust him too much, and let my guard down with him, he will leave (even though he assured me that he would never just up a go), just like other people in my life have. It really is a vicious circle...

QG is right when she says that I have a good T – I think so too. I can definitely see some progress being made over this last year. I guess I just have to dive off that board (trust) and hope for the best. I guess it’s really a leap of faith...

MP

MP,
I don't know that much about your background so this may be way off, but you mentioned abandonment issues.

What I have learned through my relationship with my T that I was really unaware of before working with him is that moving close to someone evokes a lot of fear and a desire to head in the other direction because it turned out so badly before. As we let down our guard and start to trust, our relationship template know as our attachment style, kicks in and tells us we're in danger and need to move away. So his mentioning he would be moving would trigger a pretty intense response because he is providing a secure base that you didn't have before. When we are accessing those emotions they carry with them a life and death intensity which magnifies all of our reactions.

So we get caught in what my T calls the bind. We are naturally drawn to connection because that's how humans get their needs met, but moving too close creates an incredible sense of putting ourselves in danger. So we are forced to walk into the heart of our fear so that we can experience something different with our T enough times to relearn that going closer isn't dangerous. It can be very hard work and go very slowly but it is worth it in the end.

AG