PL,
Take JMs advice and breathe! Just so you know my first T was a woman and hugged me anytime I asked for one. At our last session when she retired, we hugged each other and both said "I love you." Different Ts have different boundaries.

On the upside, even getting a no felt better than wondering. Actually it's turned out that that "no" has had profound positive effects on both my therapy and my healing. You're going to do great! And either way, you'll be closer to your T. I'll be pulling for you!

AG

quote:

If she has a "no hug policy" it is vital that you reach an understanding that this is not a personal rejection and work on that as long as you need to.

Thanks JM and AG

I really have thought this out - for 2 yrs.!!!! And I've played it in my mind at least a million times. I'm planning on asking about her "general policy." I need to protect myself and she knows I take everything personally!

Oh and JM -- centuries!!!!!! I'm as old as the hills! OK, that may be an exaggeration, but I feel that way sometimes. My daughter is always complaining about how she doesn't look 21 (and she is the spitting image of me). I tell her she will be so glad when she is 150 like me!

Thanks for the good luck -- and I am breathing!!!!! I think.

PL

quote:

I'll be pulling for you!

We're all in this together. ...sorry I couldn't resist.

Centuries huh PL? Well I'm only 143 so you got me there. And my "23" year old daughter also looks just like me. Poor kid. Only she carries it better.

I'm not admitting to a day over 125! (Which is a really good trick since I'm pretty sure I'm older than JM too PL!)

Please let us know how it goes!!

LOL...Yeah isn't your drivers license carved in stone AG? *snort*

*ducks HTML Slapper*

JM, like we had stone when I was a kid! Dirt yes, stones, no.

**Puts down HTML slapper with innocent expression plastered across face**

Oh please - Moses was my brother!!!!!!
You guys are too funny! I need a little lightness right now before I enter the room of doom!!!!

I'll let ya know how it goes and if I leave there with my tail tucked between my legs and whimpering!

PL

My old T who is highly respected in the realms of psychotherapy made me feel very special too. She gave me what I was looking for or so I thought. Just be ware that these relationships end. They are not meant to go on forever. The more special you feel the harder it is when they end. I am experiencing that agony now. It is hard to believe she even cared given that she says she can not in any way communicate with me anymore.

She didn't charge me for sessions. She saw me for about 16 years. She was loving and supportive and giving and we would talk about all kinds of things and she even toward the end started to confide in me about her life and her trials etc. This lead me to believe that our relationship would continue beyond therapy. When she quit with me she also told me she had a tumor in her brain. Then she told me that it wasn't dangerous and that it would not kill her. I asked her how I would know if she was okay say in a year from now and her response was "In a year from now what will it matter?"

I am still in writhing pain over this termination and it happened last spring. I still cry every single day several times a day over it.

I only say this so that people can try to keep in perspective that these relationships are limitted and that they do end.

I am sorry to even say that as I would not have wanted to hear that prior to my old T leaving.

Geez guys, I didn't know I needed to be ancient in order to fit in here...

LOL! I kid, I kid.

You don't mind sharing all this stuff with someone younger than your kids, do ya? Hope not, I'm liking it here!

GEEEZZZ....you guys...

All y'all know I am the oldest one here. And probably the most immature! hmmm...(at least a few parts of me are) But just think...it beats the alternative!!!
You either get older...or you don't. hmmmm?

Here's a riddle for you...

What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall?

SD

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
Geez guys, I didn't know I needed to be ancient in order to fit in here...

LOL! I kid, I kid.

You don't mind sharing all this stuff with someone younger than your kids, do ya? Hope not, I'm liking it here!

Hey CT... and

Of course you're welcome here... despite the fact that you are younger than my daughter. And the kidding around stuff can stay too.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG................

I did it!!! It was hard, but I did it!

When I went in, she said, "you look anxious." Hmmmm.... ya think? So I said that I wanted to ask her a question that I have been wanting to ask for over a year. Well that sure perked up her ears. I started to squirm, an stutter, and lots of um's... and aaa's....... and then it all just came flying out! So this is how I said it, "I just was wondering, because we haven't talked about it, what your general policy is on boundaries. Like hugs, handshakes, pats on the back or even kicks in the butt." (I had to add a little humor in there. Take the pressure off some) Well, she thought for a minute. Then she (in therapy talk) basically said that she doesn't have a policy. Ok, what does that mean? She says that it depends on what the client needs. Sometimes it is better to verbalize your needs and sometimes someone just needs comfort. Ahhhhgggggg she didn't say no!

We did spend A LOT of time talking about the whole thing and what brought it up yada, yada, yada. Blah, blah blah........

Went we stood up to leave I thought, well this is my chance, but I didn't want to seem too greedy, too needy. So, I stuck out my hand. OMG she took it and held it!!!!!!! For a moment longer than she had to. She looked deeply into my eyes. I said thank you. What a feeling!!! Best medicine for depression than I have had in a looooong time.

Ok, so maybe I'm not 150. Maybe I'm only 99, but right now I feel like, like, well, maybe not a day over.... Ok, so I'm still old, but I don't feel it right now. I actually got up the nerve to ASK for comfort and it was positive! No rejection. No look of disgust etc. And to think I put this off for so long. Actually, I think if I had asked for this earlier it wouldn't have had the effect it has today.

Thanks for all the support guys. I sorta felt like I had to do it because I opened my big mouth on this forum.

Ok, life is good today. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Oh, and I wonder if I'll wash my hand tonight????

PL

Oh PL I am soooo happy for you. You made physical contact with your T and you showed great courage in bringing up the topic and discussing it with her. Two WOW things in one session.

And I remember the feeling I had when I offered my hand to my T. I was tingly for the rest of the day and could feel the warmth of his hand in mine for a long time and how he looked at me and smiled. It was wonderful and I floated out of his office.

I am so happy to hear your good news and yes, it's better than the best medicine. And more importantly you asked for something you needed and you got it...comfort and acceptance. Your T sounds like a wonderful person.

TN

Yay PL! I'm so happy for you! And I'm proud of you too! It took a lot of guts to ask and you did, and it went well! Yay!

And, like TN said, Your T sounds like a wonderful person.

OW

quote:

It was wonderful and I floated out of his office.

Thanks TN

Yes I am still floating on air. It has kind of calmed down the transference thing too. I mean, now I know that I can ask and she may want to talk about it first, but it is not "off limits." I really think I broke through a huge amount of fear today. I have trusted her completely for a very long time, but the embarrassment, fear, terror etc. has kept me from saying some things to her. She also reminded me today that she is not going anywhere. I told her I need to keep hearing that. We really did go pretty deep today and I think it was good.

Yeah, she is awesome!

PL