Hi y'all, if it's okay, I'd like to provide a link to this page from a page on the site so others might benefit from this poetry.

I was really touched reading your poems. Let me know if this doesn't work for you.

Thank-you for your inspirational messages.
Shrinklady

lonely or loud??? I think both can happen! Even though there are lots of insiders, I'm (and the host) are the only ones interested in scrapbooking. And yes, it's the best 'therapy I've ever done.

Robin

Dude et al. (is that okay that I have written et al.??) ....Glad to hear that scrapbooking has been therapeutic for you both....

Deb

Dude et al. works for us... we are also called 'scraprobin' on some scrapbook sites, and 'mes' on others (which is our initials). But whatever works is fine!
Robin

Shrinklady:

Okay by me.....you know, after Butterfly Warrior posted the first poem, I went in search, for the first time in years, for some of the poetry I had written oh so long ago.... I found another that seems to have a common thread with the other two I have posted...

UNHEARD!

Faith be damned
Despair is near
If the truth be known
The fine line I fear
Keep up the pace
Look in the mirror
A final glance
I see my spirit disappear
A saddened face
Without a tear
No strength to speak
No one can hear

I also have these two poems that I did not write and have no idea who the authors are....

First one is titled: "Not Waving But Drowning"
This one speaks to how I often feel...

The second one is titled: "Bless The Child" This one has touched me deeply...and perhaps speaks to why I love the children on the Myshrink site....

Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he is dead
It must have been too cold for him
His heart gave way, they said

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
Still the dead one lay moaning
I was much too far out all of my life
And not waving but drowning


Bless the Child

Child, I once was a child like you
tender unformed open to the winds
free to follow the way they blow
free to choose my own chosen road:

Child, oh my child flesh of my flesh
and bone of my bone, closely I hold you
to my loving breast: yet not so close that
you are not free to draw your own breath,
to know your own need.

Child of earth of flesh and bone
within you dwells an inborn spirit
of wonder, delight and playful desire
to discover a world; to uncover a dream.

Child, I still am a child: like you
eager to learn, to follow the winds,
easily loved and easily bruised,
easily torn, easily soothed

Child of spirit closely I hold you
in heart and soul: your gifts to flower
in safety and peace; your dreams to grow,
your trust to form that one day
you with love and affection
and loving protection bless
with tenderness a child like you.


I thank you all for reading what I and others have written....

Deb

OMG.. I have SOOO much to say to sooo many posts!!! Ugh... well Hopefully i can rememnber it all here...

Okay.. DEB= I believe the poem Not waving, but drowning... one of my favorite poems since I read it in high school.. I believe it is by Walt Whitman... I'm not sure about the 2nd one. Also I Looooooove your poetry... the metaphors are beautiful!! I have never taken any classes in poetry but recently have found a writing mentor whose first assignment for me was using less abstraction and more metaphor that's mindful to the expereince my poem is feeling/expressing... breathing I suppose.

Anyways, I enjoyed all that you shared very much!!!! YAY Poets!!

ShrinkLady- Yes, it's fine for me about linking to the poetry

Dude and Debra- I do scrapbooking too!!!!! WOW.. this is so funny how we all have so many things in common. I don't know if this is a fact or just a biased observation but I noticed that many of the people I have encountered who have gone through trauma are often very creative people. Either in music, writing, artistic expression.... etc. Maybe it's just a coincidence but if it isn't.. that's pretty cool. Sometimes I wonder if the stress of having to find ways to survive situations cause the brain to be more creative since we are forced to think/live outside the box... versus within the expected situations of typical lvies.... so therefore when we create/express, we might have the ability to tap into greater ranges of expression because of our survival skills? Is this logical? Or am I just doped up on this ms contin they have me on for pain?? LOL... probably both. I used to attend a camp for kids with arthritis and I started doing scrabooking there..... I also do collage and other methods for combining picturs, art, story together. It is very relaxing when you can find the time. my big issue is storage. I have no room for hardly anything and feel liek I hve too many hobbies around!!!!

Umm- hmm.... oh DEb.. you are a student? Cool.... what do you study? I went to UCSD (University of California- San Diego).. got my BA in Human development with a emphasis in psychology. I'm planning to go to graduate school.. orginaly my plan was to ger m y Phd in counseling psychology however with my current health situation, it doesnt seem like the best idea so looking at MSW programs and other options. I miss college right now... glad to have a nice break to recover but I do enjoy learning. I can't help but to agree with Jhon Nash in "A Beautiful Mind" when he said 'classes will dull your mind.' I actrually believe that somewhat. I think I have greater ideas when Im not bogged down by the expectations of what we must learn to attan some degree.... however in times where i can take what I have learned and think about how to apply them to current situations.. .I feel like I have accomplished something thoug that is something one doesnt have time to talk about/discuss in class and rarely outside of. Maybe I went to a university that was way to large.. dont know.

Anyways.. best of fortune.....

trying to think of another poem to post..

A Beautiful Lie-

No one ever said that
life would be a rose garden
Yet I somehow believed it would be.
Yes, I expected some thorns of pain
But never did I know
that the beautiful rose bud
could be so damaged
and even torn off
Each petal ground into the earth
suffocating out it's life
The thorns could become machette knives
cutting flesh
dripping blood...
I never realized the pain would shatter my soul
and fragment my mind
I never knew that love would hurt so bad.
Where did this unreal dellusion of
alovely rose garden come from??
Why did I believe it existed?
Do all people start off believing in rose gardens?
that live happening prunes away...
or even shatters?
or even destroys?
will the roses come back?
with their lovely scents?
and beautiful delight to eyes?
How much can the thorns cut
before you give up and die?
We were never promised a rose garden in life
nor thistles and thorns...
nor are we promised regrowth
at least not in this present world
yet I somehow believed in this rose garden
and now i know the truth
No one was ever promised a rose garden
nor did anyone prepare us for the thorns...

Butterfly Warrior:

Wow.....thank you so much for sharing yet another poem...... My graduate studies?......a Masters in Nursing.....my focus is directed to the palliative community......more specifically, my area of inquiry.....anticipatory grief......

Funny you should mention the word "metaphor"....my boss once told me that I speak in metaphors and people do not understand me.....

I would love to read more of your poems....

Take good care
Deb

What is anticipatory grief?
dude

Hello-

I think anticipitory grief is when people are expecting someone to die from some sort of illness.... right?

This is a really great area of nursing... it takes special people to be in this field I think but its good. Ive gone to a hospice before to visit and the environment was very nice. It's sad in some ways but also nice that there are services like this to try and make the burden less hard.

I am involved in research in the community outreach section fo the UCSD Cancer center. It's interesting how research has been focusing a lot on caregivers of people with chronic and terminal illness. It appears that those caregiv ing for people with terminal illness seem to cope better than those helping someone with a chronic illness that has a ambigious ending. I think that is my understanding of somne of the latest research. I find that interesting though it makes sense because if you know whats going to happen, it might suck but you have time to deal with it versus when you dont know whats going to happen, that's an additional psychological stessor.

I find it interesting how research shows thatr males get much more support and have less psychological distress as a result versus females who dont get that sort of support. The research is so fascinating. I love it but I also wonder.. okay well now we k now this.. wht are we going to do about it?

Anyways... what a wonderful area!

Debra-

That's funny about Metaphor.. i think metaphor makes things more specific and clear as to the essense of the emotions we are trying to convey... but I suppose for some.. it just seems too abstract.... I feel that metaphor and abstract can be related but my poetry mentor feels the yare completely opposite... i suppose int he world of poetry... metaphor helps describe more closely where as abstract makes connections blurry? Im not so sure yet but trying to use more metaphor.

Maybe your boss is too male.. haha... my sexist comment for the day..... i think sometimes males don't have enough expressive range or dont tap into it so its like.. WHAT do you MEAN!!!

I wrore this one one day waiting for a lite rail commuter train..... i was in a mood.. lol.. I am disabled and use a wheelchair so thats what its about...

At The Trolly

I sit on this blue spot
Designated wheelchair
Pointing me out
It tries to define me.

Other commuters stand
whereever they please
In unrecognized privledge
they fail to esteem

Eye's staring at me
everywhere I go
What? Haven't they seen a crippled girl before??
Do they think I don't see them
or that I don't care"
maybe they don't
eyes of judgement?
eyes of pity?
eyes of despair?
intensive curioisity?

These eyes continue to stare...
Maybe they are lost in thoughts of their own individual worlds
but what is it of me?
i reall wonder...
I don't want to care.
I sit a top my blue spot
desginated wheelchair
enduring the public
that says: I am not one of them
outside the collective sphere
of acceptable human being
Beyond the range of normality
Someone often given to despair
that blue wheelchair synbol-
defines who I am

Dude et al. and Butterfly Warrior:

Yes indeed, anticipatory grief is the pre-death grief.....there are those who believe that the phenomenon does not exist (or are skeptical); however, I have experienced anticipatory grief twice....once when my mom was a pt in a palliative program and right now as I care for my former colleague and good friend who has been living with ALS for the past 3 years....

Butterfly Warrior:

My boss is a woman....go figure eh?

And thank you for posting this last poem...you are an amazing writer.....

Deb

hahaha.. oh my.. I assumed your boss was male!! Gee!

Some people don't believe in anticipitory grief? Wow... why not?! It seem's so logical!!

Those that don't believe in it are in denial! There!

I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through this once but also now with your friend. ALS is a horrible disease.... a sad way to loose someone indeed. I had a neighbor with it.. young man... I watched him progress more and more until his death. I would talk to him some when he could talk.. open the door for him, etc when I saw him coming in.... but even without knowing him closely, it was very sad to watch his slow death.

I think so many people shy away from people they know are dying as it is... so they don't know... I lost a good friend when I was around 20issh... she was almost 14.. died from complications of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.... I had known her for several years and we spent wonderful times togehter. I remember when I found out she would not live though no one could say how long.... I recall wondering what I was getting myself into... how was it going to feel.... how could I help her... so on...

Anyways, I suppose you can write the continual chapter that Kubler-ross forgot? on Anticipatory grief! I guess there hasn't been enough research in the are to be throughly supported.... The curse and blessing of research...

Thank you for your comments on my poetry. I love to write!! It helps soooo much!

Hmmm, my new therapist just called me to confirm that we are still meeting tomorrow at 2. Well, that's proactive.... I have butterflies fluttering in my stomach... she sounds nice.. she sounds kinda well quite assertive in her voice tone/intonation. I have some questions for her like what grad school is she attendng or well did she attend, what her disseratation is on, what has been her areas of focus in her practicums, etc.. don't know if I will actually ask her these things but I plan to.

I wonder how often do psychologists get asked about their training, research and clinical focus... I think we need more education on that.. I love this site for that..... maybe more should be written on that... good questions to ask.... and always the disclaimer about not every therapist fits you... lol. It always is funny to me when someone says they saw ONE therapist.. hated them and will never see another one again!!! Yet, in the other areas of medicine... I think people are more forgiivng. You get a lousy specialist... you might hcnage.. but I dont often hear people say they will never see that sort of doctor again!!

Oh me rambling again! ;/

Butterfly Warrior

Why is it that people can make 'sexists remarks' about males and find it funny, yet if I do so about females then I get into a lot of trouble? Personally, I think I am rather creative. But perhaps I have a 'unique' perspective on females...
dude

Dude et al.:

Yes, absolutely, you sure do have a unique perspective.....I guess I really do not have an answer to your question.....I shall try to refrain from "sexist" comments....my apologies.....Admittedly, I have been married twice (two of the biggest mistakes/learning experiences of my life)....so I have a unique perspective when it comes to men.....I am aware that all men are not like the two that I chose to marry.....Are you married by chance?

Deb