quote:

He has talked to me about the fact that contacting him is actually theraputic because I've needed to learn that it's safe to move towards someone when I felt needy (not the experience I had growing up.) And that I have needed to be dependent on him for a while to heal and become independent.

AG, I appreciate knowing you have had all these same feelings. I am so glad for you that you have the relationship with your T that you do. That is what I would personally hope for myself. I imagine that it takes a special T person to be as available to their clients as what we sometimes need them to be. I don't think all Ts are up to the task. I'm trying to figure out if mine is, without getting hurt in the process.

How can one know when it is, or is not, safe to move towards someone? Very often I do not verbally articulate my needs (or what I see as needs, but perhaps they are just wants). I think I do not talk about them out of fear that things will be worse for it -- that I will be ignored, shut down, rejected, humiliated, attacked, resented, disliked or even hated, etc. on top of not getting my needs met. I don’t think my fear is unreasonable; it has happened so many times in my life, and it crushes me every time. But then I get angry that a need is not being met, and yet I am not sure with whom I should be angry -- myself for having the need in the first place, or the persons I expect should be meeting my needs?