IHTS-

quote:

Another interesting thing was that right then, I felt the safest with this new P I have felt so far.....I am usually quite fearful in sessions...

This is huge! I'm so happy for you.

quote:

I don't really know for sure why such awful feelings emerged. gee. They kind of spoiled the experience.

Several years ago, I was babysitting my mentor's kids.. the first few times I was with them, they were well behaved and sweet and everything. Well, out of the blue one day, the younger one threw this MONSTER fit in front of me. It was the first time she ever did this with me around. Well, her mom (my mentor) looked at me, in the midst of her daughter's screaming, and said "well, I guess she trusts you now." Confused, I asked her to explain and she told me that her daughter must trust/feel safe with me if she is willing to feel negative, real emotions with me.

That experience stuck with me because I realized that we do that too... when we finally can feel anger/harsher emotions with our t/p's, it usually is because we now feel safe with them... maybe BECAUSE you were feeling so safe with your p, you were able to feel the awful feelings? Maybe they didn't spoil the experience but were a result of the experience (just my thoughts, disregard if they don't apply).

Holly-
How's the anger stuff going? Where did you start with your t?

-CT

quote:

Holly, How's the anger stuff going? Where did you start with your t?

CT, CT, CT

The anger stuff has come to an abrupt halt. I actually think that I quit therapy today! Long story and one that I'm not too sure I can share right now. Biggest thing is that I'm a screw up and I am now too proud to go back and see if anything can be salvaged. So I guess my 'anger' issues still need some help and I need a kick in the ass!

Thanks for asking though

Anyway .. off to wallow in self pity .. something I'm good at!

Holly,

How's the wallowing going?

What's going on with you now?

Wanna talk about what happened in therapy on Monday?

catgirl

Hi CG,

The wallowing went pretty well! I had 3 hours sleep each night between Monday and today (Thursday), so I had plenty of time for dwelling on my stupidity and wallowing in self pity. Thanks for asking!!!

What's going on with me .. hmm I went to Therapy this Morning to apologize for Monday and to have a proper closing .. but now I'm still in therapy I really suck!

You must be a glutton for punishment to have asked me if I wanted to talk. Seems that writing things is the easiest way for me to unload, vs. talking, so there could be pages AND pages of talking .. are you up for that????

Holly- I, for one, would like to hear what happened when you feel like talking... write as much as you want/need to.

-CT

P.S.- I'm glad you went in to see your t today.

Ok, I'll start typing and get back to ya ! LOL

I hope you huys are all well!

Holly

Holly,

Still writing? Wow, its been two hours already. You must really have a lot to say. Bring it on, girl!

If sticking with therapy through thick and thin means you suck, then I suck BIG TIME!

catgirl

LMAO

I'm glad to hear that you suck too!!! LOL

Have a good one!

Holly

Wow, Holly.

I am hoping that my words did not create distress in your therapy situation. Many, many apologies if I caused you any grief.


Itshardtosay.

Hi Karie... I'm sorry you are suffering so these past days. I have enjoyed our exchanges and I find your story very inspirational. You are very strong and please don't give up. I do agree at times being responsible sucks. It would be nice to just allow someone to take care of me for a change but I can't seem to let anyone do that... even my T. I'm always fighting the urges to take care of him. My T and I just had a conversation about my dx...I suggested changing it from GAD to complex PTSD which is slightly different from straight PTSD...unfortunately they did not include complex PTSD or DESNOS in the DSM IV. I've been reading a lot about complex trauma lately and I can see where it would apply to my situation. The book you are reading sounds quite interesting. I may check it out.

So please hang in there... life transitions are never easy and are fraught with fear of the unknown. But you can handle it with your P's help. I hope things improve real soon for you.

TN

Hey Karie

Not to worry about anything there Chickie! It had nothing to do with the information you had shared or with the things that we talked about. It was ALL me !!

Be cool!

Holly

Hi,

TN, thanks for your reply. I thought maybe I should move some of my post last night to a new thread so did that.

Yeah, life is not easy right now....but I think this is how you grow?

I wish too, that the DSM IV could maybe be put in the trash. The new one isn't due until 2012 and who knows if they will have completed enough and big enough studies to feel they can agree on the 'hard evidence' to include more accurate diagnostic criteria and labels. I believe that Complex PTSD is quite different from PTSD. The complex type includes traumas (emotional(psychological)/physical/sexual/spiritual) that happen repeatedly over years....and attachment injury also can be described as a trauma....whereas PTSD can result from just one traumatic experience. The difference between C-PTSD and PTSD leads to treatment and recovery issues. It is harder and takes longer for someone with C-PTSD to get better due to the complexity and layers of it all. There are a lot of different labels to choose from at the present time that a C-PTSD person might end up with, rather than a more accurate diagnosis.

I had a client assessed by a P who specializes in trauma...her report came back stating she fit into 6 different diagnoses that = C-PTSD (GAD was one of them). I thought it was pretty enlightened of this P to document it that way. And sending out a report written like that helps teach other less informed professionals about trauma and C-PTSD. But this whole thing with the DSM is going to take time. My P wrote PTSD because since this episode began with my client's suicide, the insurance co. would be able to understand and accept it better.

Hey, TN, if you get the book Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman MD, you'll find a chapter in there called "A New Diagnosis".....she coined the term Complex PTSD and explains why it needs its own category. It's a landmark book. I would love to hear this lady speak sometime.

Thanks for your support TN.

Holly, OK....cool.

Karie

Hi Karie... thanks for responding. It's not that I really care what my dx is on paper as per the DSM codes is more that I need my T to understand what it is. I have so many of the other issues they describe under the C-PTSD umbrella that I know it would be easier for him to know how to treat me if he had a better understanding of the full picture. He was great when I proposed this new dx to him. He pulled out his DSM IV book to check that it was not there and we read the current PTSD description and discussed it. He also made notes as to what I told him and he said he needs to do research on this. I love that he is so willing to consider what I bring to him. He tells me that I make him a better psychologist because I am willing to collaborate. He is currently reading my book "Attachment and Psychotherapy" by David Wallin. And yes, attachment injury is a part of C-PTSD. And personally, I think my T just uses a dx to make the insurance co happy.

I was looking at Herman's book thinking about buying it. Is there just only one chapter on C-PTSD or is that the general theme of the book? Just curious.

Yeah, growing and changing in painful and scary. I think you are very brave. This all takes a long time and we need to be patient with ourselves. We deserve good things. Gotta run.

TN

Hi again TN,

I love your reln' with your T!
That is awesome...I'm happy for you that he listens and gives you credit for your half of the reln'.

Here is a breakdown of Herman's book....

PART 1: TRAUMATIC DISORDERS

Chp 1. A Forgotten History
Chp 2. Terror
Chp 3. Disconnection
Chp 4. Captivity
Chp 5. Child Abuse
Chp 6. A New Diagnosis

PART II: STAGES OF RECOVERY

Chp 7. A Healing Relationship
Chp 8. Safety
Chp 9. Remembrance and Mourning
Chp 10. Reconnection
Chp 11. Commonality

Yes, this book has added to my understanding of the healing process for C-PTSD.

Karie