thanks tn, my philosophy now is from the Solomon of our time, JIMMY BUFFET..."if a hurricane doesn't leave you dead, breathe in, breathe out, move on"

yes she was very unprofessional and she is trying to cover her ass a bit now with me which i find amusing. she knows she left me completely empty handed. my husband is really pissed!!

hope your fog lifts sweetheart!! !!! i like your quote, too, btw, you gain courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face....and i might add, move THROUGH it rather than around it, and come out finding it wasn't that much to be afraid of!! hugs to you, too!! jill

quote:

anyway, i do recall in one of her pointless stories (all with the conclusion of her bragging about herself, the authors she knows and "has had in her office", the good looking vet who she helped, none of it relating to me...

The whole self-involved story telling sounds pretty messed up to me. My God, I think I would've told her to shut the hell up and walked out after 30 seconds of that.

Russ

russ, i love ya!! yes, my meek little self just puts up with it!! will you go to therapy with me and give them the boot!!

uv, your quote: "I did not consider that those in the helping profession could possibly be less than benevolent." yes, that seems odd, but i think that benevolence is an assumption we make. she did have an edge though, early on she was full of 'don't be any nicer to others than they are to you', was her quote. i said that didn't sound very Christian, kind of 'tit for tat', and she buried under some kind of fake agreement.

anyway. i feel an amazing relief!!

too, i realized that her long stories about herself (and name dropping authors and types of clients, i know one time she talked about some client 'with diamonds dripping off of her'...oh, brother....i immediately thought that smacks of insecurity) anyway, another reason WHY these LONG POINTLESS STORIES 'got' to me was that it was totally NARCISSISTIC, just like MY MOTHER!!!!!

anyway, the lady has real anger problems if a mad five year old gets her off her rocker!!

thanks all, one thing, any great advise on degrees, this 'bat' was a phd in psychology, someone has me thinking that maybe MSW is a better bet, less time in academia and more in the trenches. a little lower pedestal, if you know what i mean. a little more compassion and less 'false'arrogance that i see really covers up her own insecurity.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am feeling good!!!!!!!!!!

jill (ok, i know i didn't disappear)

quote from a general theory of love: "A patient doesn't become generically healthier; he becomes more like the therapist...That makes selecting one's therapist a life decision with (in mild terms) extensive repercussions...The person of the therapist will determine the shape of the new world a patient is bound for; the configuration of his limbic Attractors fixes those of the other."

oh boy, read those words today and got on my knees and prayed to not be the callous bully she was shaping me to be....i think what she calls assertive, i see is catty. quoting me like she did, a real 'na na, na, na na na!' attitude...tit for tat...

this is a very key point i will take in my search for t4....

i had thought i could just pick and choose what i liked and didn't like, but the shaping, when i am so vulnerable, ew!! callous is the best word to describe her, and punitive. (bitch is also good)

jill,

I am disgusted and saddened at what happened to you. Your ex-T did not treat you with the dignity you deserve. I am glad you can see her fault and admit to what you did not like about her.

We have heard it said that growth usually happens so slowly that we barely notice it occuring; however, the way you are responding to the abrupt termination by T-3 is empirical evidence of an exception to that rule. Jill, have you looked in the mirror lately? You've got to like what you see!

deeplyrooted

deeplyrooted, i have my low spots too, but, truly, my husband is so good. good at keeping me motivated, listens to the same story over and over, doesn't quite have the mommy gene...i told him if he would only stroke my hair and tell me everything was going to be allright, then maybe i wouldn't need a t, but, then, the five year old comes out. she sure got hurt with this assinine t3, funny, early on i felt a gut fear of her, and now that i examine that, although she sooothed it with words, my gut sensed she could turn on a dime. bad question, since she could turn on a dime, and my mom could, should i look for a man?? i tell you, i don't know how a man could deal with attachment, tho, i don't know how I could deal with feeling attachment for a man other than my husband....i am still aiming for a woman, but don't really know for sure. ATTACHMENT is a real bugger.

thanks so much deeplyrooted for that encouragement. you don't always notice progress yourself, but that helps to hear you say that. i don't really miss her anymore, i see her more fully and just MADE myself be blind to what i didn't like coz i needed the attachment...kindof like i was blind to all the shit my mom did coz i needed the attachment. funny, in ways, they are quite alike. closer in age i think, hard to tell, and certainly narcissistic for sure, and insecure, and f-ing clever, but in a way that made you know not to get on their bad side....really interesting how they parelleled...'cept for the body odor, i will say my mom only stinks in the figurative sense of the word!!

thank you all for caring, jill

Jill- I actually read the whole two pages where that quote is from to my T. It was so shocking I could barley read it… I feel like now I’m seeing these ways of how I’m becoming like him without even knowing what it is about him that I’m becoming. I don’t know if that makes sense. But I’m positive there are things about him that I’ve subconsciously picked up and taken on as my own without knowing it. It’s a scary thought. I really hope that being forced to end things with this T turns out to be good, so that you can move on to have a truly healthy relationship with your next T.

maclove, yes, a scary thought, one i will put in the mix in picking t4. i know i picked up on things from t1, mainly my spiritual rebirth, of which, i am so thankful, so i did gain alot there. he didn't force it, just asked one question, or comment, actually, that he didn't see that i had any faith.

deer in the headlights there!! and i will never forget who somewhat made me aware of the gaping hole i had!!

t3, i dunno, seems she taught me a few things, still churning, but she did help with validation, which is always a stickler for me...

maclove, what do you think you have incorporated?? attitudes, or expressions?? i think another thing t1 modeled all too well, was listening without interrupting...t3 interrupted i recall. that NOT interrupting is something i try to do with my kids, and it does get them to open up more, than non judgmental listening...curious what you think you are incorporating??

y'no? i have a good friend who is a MSW and her husband a psychiatrist, and there are some real LEGAL issues with what she did to me.

are y'all aware of this type thing?? we have more rights to humane treatment than i realized, in fact, she could create a case, she thinks for rebate of dollars spent and her unethical termination.

anyone have experience here?? she is really buttoning up her stuff, but i have a BIG MEMORY OF UNMET PROMISES...got really good at that as a child, could not believe that mommy's promises wouldn't come true, and i held them all tightly in my broken heart. i remember t3's exact words in her promises to see this through to the end. and, a mighty fine paper trail...and texts...

anyone?? jill