I passed by my P in the grocery store. I about had a heart attack But we passed each other calmly and he smiled and nodded at me.

I've seen my P in public several times. I pretend he's invisible. We seem to pass in our cars a lot, too. It's a small city.

One time I was walking down the sidewalk with my kids (aka herding cats), checking my cell phone for messages, taking my sweet time walking across the entrance to a parking lot (not paying attention at all), and I looked up and there was a car patiently waiting for us to get out of the way. It was him. I scurried down the sidewalk.

We have never acknowledged seeing each other in public though. Not a word about it the next session. Is that weird?

I have never and think I would actually DIE!! I am really paranoid about it happening and think about it a lot, though it is VERY VERY unlikely. I think for privacy/confidentiality they are not supposed to initiate contact if they see us in public. My former T said if it ever happened, she would not come up to me, but if I wanted to come to her and say hi I could. Yes - that would be super comfortable.

I don't think that's weird, Echo. I bet he would have talked about it if you wanted to, but he just isn't going to be the one to initiate the conversation.

I never talked about that sort of thing with my individual T, but we had a discussion about it in group therapy, considering we're all on campus together and are bound to pass each other (at least the members). The group leaders said the same thing as your T, Seablue, that they would not do anything unless we first acknowledged them.

But it's so awkward! And I am horrible in awkward situations.

Hi Monte,

I was typing up my reply as you posted! But yes, being on campus is tricky. That's good that you were able to just go ahead and tell your T what you would do...very effective! Haha

Hi K,

Yep, once I was out walking in a public park with my husband and I saw her walking with someone (a family member?) in the other direction. I stopped in my tracks! The weird thing was I couldn't even quite recognise her, because a) it was so out of context and b) at that stage I hardly looked at her in sessions!! But she gave me a big smile and kept walking. I felt sort of weird, sort of rejected in a knee-jerk way but also relieved that we didn't talk. She never tells me any personal information at all, and I never want it, so I knew there was no way we'd have talked while she was with someone. She mentioned it lightly a couple of times, ('it feels weird, doesn't it?') and that was enough to help me feel ok with it, like it was real.

J

The first time I saw my T in public, I was his waitress at a restaurant I was working last summer. He was there with his wife and son. I did not realize it until I was at the table because it was almost dark and the tables were outside on a patio. I freaked when he stood to say hello - I actually backed up. He graciously sensed my intense fear, but I was stuck. I posted the details on a thread when It happened- and I will see if I can find it. The whole thing was overwhelming- as I was new to therapy and dealing with trauma issues.
We have so many occasions to run into each other, and we do- so now it would not be a big deal. (his office is by my mom's house, his house is very near where I waitress in the summer and he often goes there with his family,(see above), he snowboards- I ski, and we both swim at the YMCA, so it is bound to happen. Once we had a chat in the sauna. It would be weird if there were no one else present,though. It gets easier every time, and yes we talked about it in session. He said he would always take his cues from me and understand no matter how I decided to handle it, and he does.

- actually that was not the hardest.
The first time was the hardest- being the waitress for his family, and being surprised by it. Even that would be ok now, well- maybe not right now because of our disconnect, but in general- the more I see him out and about, the easier it becomes.

Behind you all the way Monte, no worries with most social situations and have met a few times when out, it feels fine......... but DEFINITELY not the sauna!!

starfish

Well- he is tall and skinny and I am short and a bit round, so neither of us looked like movie stars.

I don't know why it was ok, but it was- at least that time.

I went to the Y to swim laps, and he was already in the pool- did not see him at first, but then we both said hello- chatted for a moment and swam in different lanes of course. Sharing a lane (like people have to do sometimes would be weird- too close)
He got out, we said good-bye and I thought he left. I finished about 10 minutes later and headed for the sauna. Surprise surprise! He asked me if I was following him, and I said, "of course" (and no- if I knew he was in there, I probably would not have gone in)
This was not the first time we've seen each other at the pool.
Now - you know what IS weird! I get phantom random txts from him with no message. The time always shows 12pm the date is always 00/00/00, and when I open it- it shuts off my phone and disappears. I showed him one (as I was getting them about 3 times a week) he thinks it is weird too. The last one (this week) made it from NJ to Stratton Vt.

That's so odd about the texts, Helle. I just can't imagine interacting with my T in any place outside her office. It would almost make her seem (gasp!) normal.

Precisely!!!!!!

I've only seen my T once outside of her office but it was planned so I wasn't freaked out. I was selling some handmade crafts at a small fair and I invited her to come by and she did! She was actually there for a while and bought quite a few items but she didn't buy anything from me of course - I didn't really expect her to. It was nice that she came by we said hello and chatted very briefly and then she moved on. I appreciated her support but was so jealous of everyone else there that she talked to or purchased items from. Thankfully she came alone. I think it would be awful for me so see her with her family or friends.

Three times in one weekend. This has got to be some sort of record.

First at the outdoor market. There was a crowd, and he was far away enough, that I was able to pretend he was invisible and veer off in another direction.

Second time at MY coffee shop. I walked in, got in line, and realized he was right in front of me. I admit, for a split second I thought, "Run for the door before he sees you!!" but then realized that would be quite silly since he had probably already seen me coming in, and besides I walked all the way there, and walking somewhere else would have been very inconvenient. We smiled and said Hi, and then I had to pass him a minute later to get my coffee, which I lunged at as if it was a live grenade and I was protecting a room full of adorable orphans. He smiled and said Hi again like a completely normal person. I acted like a spaz. I'm talented that way. He had ordered breakfast, so after I got my coffee I only sat for couple minutes before I felt too uncomfortable and had to leave. So much for relaxing alone-time over coffee and the newspaper on Sunday morning!

The third time was in our cars. I had to follow him for a few blocks since we were going the same direction. I of course was paranoid that he saw me and thought I was following him.

Why is it that these chance meetings make me feel like a stalker?? Especially at the coffee shop, I felt like I was invading his privacy just by being there.

Mine goes to the same church as me so occasionally I see him in passing and we'll wave but that's all. I've been to a couple church social functions where he's there, and I felt strange. I'm always guarded and shy with other people so when we're not in the office setting I treat him the same way, saying very little to people because I don't want them to hate me. Yet I know in session I've told him everything about me, even the bad things, so in a way it feels like he's two people - the T who cares about me and the Regular Joe who has the potential to really hate me.

Hey Echo,

You say that it's your coffee shop...do you go there every Sunday morning at the same time? Or just go there on a regular basis? If you do, in my opinion, it's more like he's invading your privacy. But 3 times in one weekend...yeah, that's a lot.

Debbye -
I can relate to what you are saying in that it completely freaks me out to be in public and see the one person who knows more about me than absolutely anyone. And probably myself. Ugh.

I ran into my P at one of the churches I go to. Its called Church Under the Bridge and we actually meet under the bridge. It started out as a meeting between the pastor and a couple homeless guys where he was leading a bible study. A couple times a year they have Wellness Sunday and there will be doctors who come out and give flu shots and other stuff and check blood levels for free. My P's ex wife came out and gave flu shots and my P came with her. I talked to him a couple different times during the service and we just acted like we were friends, only the people who already knew he was my psychiatrist were the only ones to know anything at all. It was cool. I love seeing him any time I can get a chance to. The really uncomfortable part was that the exwife that was there was the one I had almost got into a fight with a couple years earlier. I tried to not talk to her but our pastor asked me to help out with communion so I had to stand at the front of the church and hold the bread as people came to get theirs. I was already nervous because of being up there in front of everyone and especially my P and that I might screw up or something or look stupid. Then his ex wife had to choose my line to go through and get the bread which made me even more nervous cause she was one of the last ones and I really didnt want to come face to face with her because of our past, but she actually took the bread, smiled at me and said "thank you". And it all went okay. I just really love seeing my P no matter how uncomfortable I have to feel to see him, but the best is when he is in the same restraunt or something and I can just spend an hour staring at him across the room without having to talk to him.

quote:

Originally posted by kashley:
Hey Echo,

You say that it's your coffee shop...do you go there every Sunday morning at the same time? Or just go there on a regular basis? If you do, in my opinion, it's more like he's invading your privacy.

Yeah, I go there every Sunday alone (but usually about an hour later - this was a deviation from my usual schedule), and several times during the week with my kids. Not that he has any way of knowing this. We actually had a conversation about coffee shops once and he asked me which one I go to. At the time I frequented a different one, but switched to this one a few months ago (better cinnamon rolls!). The whole thing is so silly.

I have a friend who is a therapist, and she intentionally lives in a different town from the one she works in, even though it's inconvenient for her as a mother of three. She says she just couldn't stand to run into her clients in the grocery store. Which makes me a little sad for her clients.

Why can she not stand it? Just the awkwardness?

I can't say I'm too sad for her clients. Well, if it were me, I'd like that I could go to the grocery store and not worry that today would be the day I see my T and run into a stack of canned food in my attempts to get away. Luckily, that hasn't happened. Yet. It's like playing Russian Roulette! Haha

quote:

Originally posted by kashley:
Why can she not stand it? Just the awkwardness?

I can't say I'm too sad for her clients. Well, if it were me, I'd like that I could go to the grocery store and not worry that today would be the day I see my T and run into a stack of canned food in my attempts to get away. Luckily, that hasn't happened. Yet. It's like playing Russian Roulette! Haha

Well, she works with teenagers, and lives in a town of about 8,000 people. So she'd be running into them all the time, and teenagers are so sensitive, so... I guess it makes sense.

quote:

I acted like a spaz.

Hi Echo,
Oh, how I know that so well.

Monte- you crack me up.

I would rather see my T, in the pool, then in the sauna at the YMCA. (as I have)

I would rather be his waitress (as I have).

I could not, would not, stay for a class taught by him- (I don't think)

You are a very, very brave person to edure that, especially with such sensitive material. (that represents hiding)

My T said he would also follow my lead in public, and he has.

Holy moly, Monte. That's quite the coincidence. And a horrible one at that. Kudos to you for being able to finish the course! And I would have been right there in the bathroom with you. No way I could socialize.

kashley-
I like your quote, so true, so true.

Ok, now I know I live under a rock socially...I can't really get it. I think I would be so happy to see my P if I ever ran into him, which I never ever would because he lives on another planet, but I think I would be just happy to see him...really happy. weird, there is something I don't get that is obvious to everyone else here! Someone needs to help me out from under the rock I live under, I guess!

BB

BB I think it's just difficult for people to see their T/P out of context, i.e., their office. It can be unnerving because of the environment and not knowing how to behave or the shock of acknowledging that your T even exists outside of the therapy room. I have never "bumped" in to my T outside of therapy but I have seen him outside of therapy by necessity as my son attends a camp he runs in the summer and I have attended a few seminars he puts on so I have seen him in other locations. I would not mind at all bumping into him around town, as long as I was having a good hair day

TN

quote:

Originally posted by blackbird:
Ok, now I know I live under a rock socially...I can't really get it. I think I would be so happy to see my P if I ever ran into him, which I never ever would because he lives on another planet, but I think I would be just happy to see him...really happy. weird, there is something I don't get that is obvious to everyone else here! Someone needs to help me out from under the rock I live under, I guess!

BB

I used to think this, too. I had this fantasy that I would be entirely normal and make small talk or be witty or whatever... but then it actually happened. And I freaked out. And acted like a complete spaz. But maybe you're cooler than me.

Hi Dragonfly,
I don't know if we have ever talked, but your post really made me laugh. I can so identify with your feelings. My T is a man, and if I were in that situation, I would be apalled. Hard to look em in the eye after that experience. Why is peeing - or using the toilet such a big deal, anyway?

OK I've been avoiding this thread because my answer is JUST too embarrassing but Dragonfly's courage in telling her toilet/Superman impressions story (ROFL!) has inspired me.

I have only ever seen my T outside of his office three times in the parking lot of his office. Syracuse is a fairly big place with a lot of sprawling suburbs and add to that that our homes are each 1/2 hour from his office in opposite directions and chances are slim to none that I'll ever run into him anywhere. In the 20 years or so I saw my first T, I never ran into her outside the office. She came to our wedding but that was because we invited her.

OK, here's the embarrassing part. My appts are usually at 8:30 in the morning and my kids school is actually on that end of town (they attend a private Christian school) so one morning I drove them down to school instead of their taking the bus and then went to my appt. Because of the timing I got there early and was sitting in the parking lot reading until it was time to go in. I glanced in my mirror and saw my T hauling a large garbage can out of the building (must have been his turn! His office building is an old home converted to office and a whole bunch of therapists with solo practices are there). My first thought was "but he looks smaller" and then I, yes, a grown woman, dived for the floor of my car. Did not stop to think about it, not really sure why, I just spazed and dove for the floor. It just felt like something horrible would happen if we actually saw each other outside the office.

The next time it happened, I was sitting in my car, when my T pulled in. At the time I didn't know which vehicle was his, and was kind of surprised when he pulled in driving a silver and red pickup truck right next to my car. We saw each other at the same time and this time I didn't have time to duck. We just kind of waved and said hi (very awkwardly!). The funny part was when I actually went in for my appt, he acutally spent the first few moments explaining how he didn't usually drive the truck. He actually seemed embarrassed that he was driving a pickup truck which I thought was pretty funny.

Now, I must confess, if I get there and don't see his van, I actually go around the corner to another parking lot and wait there until closer to my appointment. Considering the things I'm willing to talk about in session, I find this acute embarrassment and unwillingness to see him anywhere BUT his office to be very strange.

AG

Dragonfly---I can't believe I didn't notice your post until today. I really needed that laugh, I hope you don't mind.

Fortunately I have never run into my therapist outside of the office--I would be completely mortified. Thankfully it would be easy to spot his car ahead of time---it's the same year, color, make and model as mine and even our bumper stickers are in the same place. weird.

AG--I don't know whether to giggle or hug you So I'll go with ((((AG))))

WLOH

Hi Scaredtoriskmyself (STRM ),
I haven't had a chance to say hi yet, so welcome to the forums! Great name by the way, if I was going to write a book about my experience in therapy, I think that would be the title.

I appreciate you saying you feel the same way about arriving at the same time, I feel a little more normal! And I totally get the "ohmigosh they're not here, what happened" feeling. My T was having car trouble (right before he got a new one actually) and was driving his wife's car to the office and it gave me an ugly few minutes. When I turn the corner of the block his office is on I can see the window of his office on the second floor, and I must confess that it always gives me a warm glow when I see his light on because then I know he's waiting for me.

AG

Hey-
What's wrong with pick up trucks? I have a late model bright red 4 door with full back seats, and room for skis, snowboards, whatevers.

I am very embarrassed to admit that I can spot my T's car anywhere. It is my radar. (actually I know a few digits of his licence plate on both vehicles) I have never admitted that before. Does that make me bad?

AG so, so funny!

We do strange things when it comes to our T's. If they know us better than anyone else, why are we so weird around them? especially when most of us feel somewhat accepted by them. (I include myself in this)

quote:

p

Thanks for the welcome AG. It's nice to meet you and all of the rest of you too!

Oh and the license plate thing. I know my T's entire one by heart. However, I see it all of the time at her office and I have a photographic memory for #'s so it would be hard for me not to remember it.

Hi Dragonfly and WLOH,
I'm sorry we must have cross-posted, I didn't see your replies until now, didn't mean to ignore you!

dragonfly,
I am certain that your T had a lovely chuckle about that, but in a "laughing with you" kind of way. Personally, I would LOVE to see someone imitating superman coming out of the bathroom, it would make my day. Of course, I'd probably run up to them saying "I have kryponite and I know how to use it!"

As far as if he had seen me, I would have done what any self-respecting terrified client would do and act like I was hunting for a lost contact. Then be even more embarrassed because I'd realize I have glasses on because I don't own any contacts. Then I'd flee because I know my T well enough to know we'd HAVE to discuss it. But God was merciful, I just kept peeking over the edge of the window until I saw him go into the building. I followed after a dignified space of time.

WLOH,
Thank you so much for the hug, but please feel free to laugh, it was a totally absurd thing to do and pretty impossible NOT to laugh at. I mean, what was I thinking? Actually that was the problem, my flight response kicked in and the next thing I knew I was on the floor. Quite ridiculous!

Helle,
I think there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with pick-up trucks, I both like them and think there very useful. Which is why I thought it was so funny that my T seemed embarrassed. But come to think of it, there was a time much later where he made a self-deprecating remark about being a girlie-man so maybe he felt like it was false advertising and wanted to correct it.

AG

Morning Everyone-
We need more of these funny stories - keep them coming.

I can't think of anything just now, but I have appreciated all the laughs.

Summertime is when I usually see my T at the pool (YMCA) because we both swim laps, but I am saying good-bye to my T on Monday (unless he will accept insurance only payment for a while) and I will be working 2 summer jobs (if I get hired for the second), so there will be no chance of running into my T at the Y.

This worries me, but maybe being so busy will keep me out of my own head for a while.

Plus we still have that disconnect to talk about on Monday- prayer is good if you believe in it- so pray for me.
(sorry to be somewhat off topic)

Hi Monte and Dragonfly,

Monte- Hell no, it's not the end as long as i can help it. I am just calling it a break.

What is that expression- If it is not all good, it's not the end? IDK- saw that on someones quote.

I still love the guy in a therapist sort of way (well- I'm working on making that the truth)

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts. This is going to mighty hard. I am sad thinking about it, but life goes on.

I don't know his policy about just taking what the Ins company pays him, we never talk about money. (except once when I called him my paid friend - that did not go over so well, as you can imagine.

Oh, Helle...I hope he will take the ins only payemnt. let us know, and if you are confortable , how did the session about the disconnect go? I have been thinking about you..

BB

Thanks BB,

As far as the ins thing, he cant do that, he said it is illegal. He offered that I could defer paying him, or I could come for free for a little while. I wouldn't feel right going for free, but I'm not sure why that would bother me so much. IDK, I have to look at that. (don't want to take advantage of his generousity- perhaps)

The disconnect- right now is like the big elephant in the room. Neither of us are talking about it yet. Although tonight he said that I was avoiding talking about something, then he changed it to we are avoiding....
I was not ready to address that statement yet, so I ignored it. Perhaps next time.

Thanks for asking BB.
How are you doing?

Hi Helle,

I haven't posted, because I don't really know what to say - it's such a tough situation that you are in. Mainly, I just wanted to offer some support, because I'm guessing you could use it right now. I understand your qualms about going for free. I imagine I might feel the same way in your situation. Be sure to keep us updated on what's going on..