Sorry, I'm on a ranting roll here and can't stop.

But I was thinking of all the bad, hurtful, awful, things Ts have said or done to me and I was thinking, "man, that list would be really long". So I decided to make this post.

List all the things you've seen or unfortunately experienced, from Therapists that you knew were Red Flags, or turned out to later be a sign of bad Therapy. Or things that just irritated the heck out of you.

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This may get triggering, and please only post what you are comfortable with. The point isn't to dredge up old hurt, but to show others the "warning signs" that we'd otherwise ignore or were not sure were harmful therapist actions.
Also, I reckon it'd be nice to rant and have a laugh at the things they do while thinking they are awesome.
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Here I go, a short start:

Eating during a session ( I have an eating disorder) WTheck?

Showing up late then saying they "forgot"

Answering the phone, then saying "I forgot to turn it off" (then why answer it?)

Not having a private office, ie see-through doors, YES, see-through clear glass, shared waiting area, no sound-masking machines

Saying the names of other patients. eg. "My one patient Bob likes to build airplanes too." WTf?

Telling long drawn-out personal stories about their lives, friends, or weekend without any therapeutic relevance, or wrong relevance and doesn't let you interject to tell them they are going in the wrong direction.



That's it so far, but I know I have plenty more to add later.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Forlorn,

-Forlorn

"The only thing preventing you from succeeding is your failure to believe in yourself"

• saying " I did not sleep much all weekend because of what you said last session. YOu really ruined my weekend and family time"
  
• terminating by email.
  
• crying because I got angry, and saying " how could you get this angry with me!" so that you feel awful for being angry. ie taking it personally. (it was about stuff about my mum)
  
• being 20 minutes late
  
• forgetting the time of the session and so telling you your session has only five minutes left when you walk in the door when in reality you have a whole 90 minutes, she has just got it wrong.
  
• Saying things are okay, like phonecalls, or emails and then months later saying they are not okay, so you feel punished.
  
• her allowing you to talk for 30 minutes on teh phone even though you remind her that she said only ten minutes, and then next session she BLAMES you for 'going on for 30 minutes'!
  
• using sensitive issues to throw at you when you are feeling vulnerable and she is feeling mad at you. She throws them at you. Like stored cannon.
  
• Insisting she is NOt out of her depth when she is. She didn't even know what counter transference IS never mind be able to look at the fact that she is IN it.
  
• LYING TO ME. She said my doctor had told her to terminate with me. I asked my doctor and he said "oh no, she insisted that she should end with you."
  
• working whilst being incompetent.
  
• lending me her cardigan and refusing to take it back, saying " no, keep it - I have another one, give it back some time later" and me believing that and then her saying weeks later " And you wouldn't even give me my cardigan back!"
  
• Summing up my entire 16 months of work with her as "you are just very skilled at getting people to care for you." boy oh boy.
  
• pretending to be kind and caring whilst actually feeling mad and resentful underneath until she actually cracked.
  
  

Oh god, I could go on but I had better not as I have steam coming out of my ears and I have only listed about 10%

Hi Forlorn.... I'm so sorry this happened to you and I will eventually reply to your other thread. There is nothing worse than finally trusting someone only to be abandoned by them. I'm sure you have read about what happened to me and how I've been trying to get past it and recover from the trauma and damage from my oldT.

I think this is a good thread but I would suggest that you re-title it by calling it something like Red Flags of Bad Therapist or How to Identify a Bad Therapist... because your subject line now is a bit confusing and may put off others from responding.

I read with interest your post and also Sadly's. I think in a nutshell what you are both describing in many cases is

-Therapists who do not keep clear boundaries. As in the privacy issues with the clear door, the lack of a noise machine etc. As in making self-disclosres that are inappropriate (I didn't sleep all weekend because of what you told me, or complaning about their personal lives).

-Being Inconsistent...This is a BIG red flag. They offer things they cannot live up to or resent living up to... like email or phone calls. This only ends up making the patient feel punished when they finally take them away or if they complain about the emails while still allowing them it makes the patient very confused and unsure and undermines the very necessary attachment process. Not keeping to specified appointment, being late, forgetting appointments, cutting them short all add to confusion and disruption.

Being defensive.... Another BIG sign. If the T cannot accept all your feelings and hear what you have to say, even about them, you have a problem. I'm not saying you should be allowed to be abusive towards the T but if you do have an issue with them they should hear you out without becoming defensive and making YOU feel like a bad person for expressing your feelings. If you go in and say "you made me feel really horrible because you didn't answer my email and I was so scared I didn't want to see you today" the T should ask you about those feelings, where do you think they come from, what emotions were stirred up etc ... maybe offer an apology and reassurance and NOT say...well how can you expect me to answer your emails when I am so busy, I'm too tired, I have a lot of other patients etc.

T's need to be absolutely consistent, keep their own feelings OUT of the therapy room (unless the self-disclosure is therapeutically appropriate), hold the frame and the boundaries of therapy and maintain privacy and a comfortable atmosphere for patients to feel safe in.

TN

the clear glass bit is shocking to me.
But I don't know what the noise masking machine is. any one care to explain?

Sadly, the noise masking machine is used to prevent anyone outside of the office door hearing what is said inside. It is usually a small box that emits "white noise"...a hum or a blowing sound, rain or ocean wave sounds.

TN

What a thread... Yes, I've experienced several bits of yuck via therapists in my past, including...

*Answering the phone, and taking a good five minutes to converse with her child who seemed to call EVERY time I had a session.

*Forgetting me, not once, but twice. (Literally, I was walking in as she was walking out.)

*WAY too much self-disclosure - I knew all about her abusive ex, her children's handling of the divorce, her diseases that sometimes had her working from her house (that is where I finally drew the line, I was not going to her house!)

*Taking time out of my session to walk to the restaurant next door to pick up dinner, and then proceeding to eat for the remainder of my session.

*Paying more attention to the dog, that she always had to bring to sessions because she didn't like leaving him at home, than to me.

Yes, I've been through 4 really unprofessional Ts in my history. I loved my first T, but she left the country. I love my current T, and she's assured me she isn't leaving (her family is here, kids in school, etc)

I do think, though, that I had to experience the bad Ts in order to get where I am able to actually work with this great T.

Sounds like things are rough right now Forlon, I hope something good comes your way soon!
((((Forlorn)))

Yeeesh!

Can anyone say incompetent.

There are a few Rate My Doc type sites but I'm not sure if calling out some of these horrendous Ts on those would help others or not.

quote:

Insisting she is NOt out of her depth when she is

Oh Sadly, that is a huge one. I will not deny, that being a therapist must be a very intense field to work in daily, one that I could never have the gumption to do. Which, is why I'm not. However, I wish more people would realize how out of place they are in the therapy room instead of whatever reasons they have for this so-called desire to "help people".

quote:

pretending to be kind and caring whilst actually feeling mad and resentful underneath until she actually cracked

yeah, wow, I'm right here with you. What I still don't get is what my T was so mad at me about? What did I do to her or trigger within her that she could feel justified in being frustrated and resentful?


TN, I updated the title thanks to your suggestion

You know that thing where they say don't send an email response in anger? I feel like some therapist haven't learned that. It's how to be angry with someone, but to not show it until you've had some time to cool off a little. I would expect emotionally regulated experts like therapists should be very skilled at holding their own emotions and maintaining a cordial atmosphere. But I suppose I expect too much because those therapist like to chirp on about how they're human and prone to mistakes. Well, stop being a therapist and go do something else with their lives. Teach yoga, knit scarves, anything else.



Wow Room2Grow, I am speechless at those. At this point, nothing they do is unbelievable, but still it is very shocking to know it exists so much with so many awful Ts. ((((Room2Grow))))

I am speechless at some of these examples! I'm sorry for all of you that had to go through that.

My first T had some pretty major issues: Keep in mind I was 15-17 during this time and now days I would never put up with this crap. I was a kid and had never been in therapy before.

*Taking me in her car to pick up her children from school and trying to hold the session in the car with the children there!

*Running errands during my session time. She would have me in the car and we would do therapy in the car while she ran errands.

*Therapy at McDonalds while the children play in the play place. Yeah, that's not good

*Buying the same outfits as me after I would wear them the first time to T. She would say, "oh that's a cute dress! Where did you get it?" I would tell her and then the next session she'd be wearing it!

*Having me over to her house, though I did find it humorous to see her in her hair curlers and watch her put her makeup on.

*Way too much self disclosure.

*Lack of privacy regarding other clients

*Chronically late, ended early and charged the full amount

My 2nd T and current T are/were good with boundaries. The only thing I would say that makes me really upset is being inconsistent. It makes me feel really scared.

STRM! I am speechless at those examples. Yikes

How could any T behave such ways is in no way understandable. The woman was seriously disturbed. Unfortunately, you had to experience that with her and unfortunately she has children. Crap, I can't imagine what they must be like now.

But fortunately you know it was bad therapy boundaries and behavior and do not tolerate this in your current life.

That outfit thing just screams "loony T woman"



((((deepfried))))) that is awful to do at such a time in your life. I really wonder what the heck these people think.
The vibe thing is true and so easy to ignore for me since I like to think they are "perfect". yeah well, I guess I won't be thinking that very much anymore.

I feel another book coming on
The first one was
How TErminations Can be Handled Badly and HOw to Do them right.

this second one is:
Real Life EXamples of Therapist's Blunders
and WHY they must have done it, so that you T's can learn NOT to do that again.

We shall have a whole bookshelf before we are done here.

Wow, my T isn't necessarily the most consistent guy, but no red flags compared to what you guys all have. Jeez!

LG - all of those are straight out weird, but #3 and #4 are seriously "WTF?!"

Wow, LG - they are bad!

LG: Holy crap! Those are pretty bad!

The McDonald's thing happened a handful of times. My therapy was during the time that her kids got out of school so it tended to happen when something must have happened to mess up her childcare or pick up arrangements. The house thing with the makeup was one time after I hadn't seen her for a while so she said she wanted to see me and asked me to come over to her house. Again, her kids were there running around and she was in her curlers and putting on makeup. Awkward! At least she didn't charge me for that!

Forlorn: Yeah, the outfit thing was a bit much. She was a little loony! Her idea for getting me to stop thinking bad thoughts was to wear a rubber band around my wrist and every time I thought something bad I had to flick it really hard. When I was in T, if I didn't do it first (after saying something bad) then she would do it to me. Nice, huh?

Craziness. Still shocking and unbelievable, yet very believable considering all our histories with crappy Ts.

LadyGrey, wtheck?!? I am speechless really. Insurance fraud on top of all the other negligent stuff, but geez, illegal much?

I'm not sure what spontaneous thing I would do if a crazy T ever showed up at my house at night to "check" on me. I'd probably chuck a handful of flour right in her face.

STRM, I have heard of the rubber band thing before. I can't remember why people thought it was effective to self-inflict pain on yourself in order to stop thinking negatively. Isn't that sort of like trading your left shoe for the right one? And then to have her do it "for" you. my goodness. I'm not even a violent person and I want to scream at some of these Ts "what the hell is the matter with you?!?!"


Ok, so here are some more to add to my list:

• Wore a very low cut blouse so that literally half of her left boob and bra were fully exposed.
  
  
• Forgetting what has been discussed and giving me the same handouts session after session because she forgot she gave them to me twice before.
  
  
• Talking bad about my previous therapists (without knowing them personally, only based on my description) then acting just like them or worse.
  
  
• Getting to the session late because she ran errands, then taking another 5-10 minutes to explain why she was late because of the errands, then telling me I had to leave at the normal time because her next patient was there. Why do they get the full time but I don't
  
  
• Being jealous because I am good at a craft and she was not.
  
  
• The kid thing reminded me of one therapist who actually brought her 9 year old son to work and he knocked on the door and interrupted our session to ask her a question.
  
  
• One guy therapist said I was very attractive and that I should just go to bars and pick guys up and sleep with them. When I said I wouldn't be interested in doing that, he said "well then stay at home and be lonely and cry".
  
  
• Arguing with me that I should pay what other people pay (more) for copay even though that's not what my insurance says.
  
  
• Mispronouncing my name after several sessions.
  
  
• Yelling at me.
  
  
• Promising to never terminate me ever
  
  
• Breaking my heart
  
  

quote:

One guy therapist said I was very attractive and that I should just go to bars and pick guys up and sleep with them. When I said I wouldn't be interested in doing that, he said "well then stay at home and be lonely and cry".

I had a doctor say that to me once. Not the last part, but the first part. He told me that I should just be out having sex with as many guys as possible. I nearly fell over from shock.

Forlorn, so many of those examples are just so sad. I'm sorry you had such a bad T experience!!