Sorry to post again - I'm still new to posting and feel bad to do so many topics in one week.

I'm seriously considering quitting therapy. Right now I am in a program for an eating disorder and also seeing my regular T.

I've been stressed having so much going on in my life right now (I work, and go to school and go to my ED program). Last session with my T she said she was surprised I hadn't called to quit or just not shown up... (in 5 months I have never cancelled, been late, not shown up, or quit - I'm there every single week - same with my ED treatment for the past month).

I have been chewing on that today, I think I couldn't even process it at the time. One part of me thinks maybe she meant because I had so much going on and I was telling her I was overwhelmed and feeling unsuccessful with my treatment and therapy. On the same token I am thinking... geeze even my therapist is SURPRISED I haven't given up on myself? I have nobody (I'm extremely isolated) giving me support, it's just me against the world sort of thing. I promised myself I would do the best I could with me and it is becomming a fight I'm tired of. I'm just not sure how to take her comment.

My T and I also had a disagreement last session. Because I've been in the hospital she wants to make sure I am on meds (I take an SSRI - I just started a new one) and so I take meds and see a psychiatrist. I haven't been feeling well, my ED program is all about connecting with your emotions, so I feel emotional (at least a little, my status quo is a low level of numb and emotional repression). My T thinks every time I'm emotional or anxious that it is a med issue. I've gotten the impression she believes that meds will solve everything. I've told her that I think I have a COPING problem not a MED problem. She just said flat out she disagrees. So.... I'm sort of stuck. I have a treatment team encouraging me to feel and my T who I feel would rather I be in a coma than feel anything.

My ED team even recommended I start journaling and my T told me not to, that it was a bad time to explore my emotions. This was while I was between meds... and now that I've been on a new med for about 4 weeks now she is assuming everything I feel is because this medication isn't working. I keep explaining it is because my eating disorder treatment IS working - I'm FEELING instead of coping in a bad way. We just don't agree.

It's just so confusing. I'm at the point where I want to quit everything, as I said. And no one would stop me. I'm sure my T would be happy to unload me because I'm a ton of work for her (since she has to coordinate with my ED people). I feel like my T expects me to quit any way and I'm sure she would be concerned because she knows I have no support but I have a feeling if I told her I wasn't coming back she'd say... okay, good luck! The ED people might argue a little but ultimately they can't see me unless I'm seeing a T and my T won't see me unless I'm in a drug induced coma. I want to make sure I'm making the right choice and I have nobody around to give me the other side of the picture.

I figure maybe I should take a break from all this treatment for a few months then start fresh with a new T. Unless... anyone has experience about SSRIs and therapy they can share. Don't you still feel? I can tell you I'm taking an SSRI right now and I DEFINITELY feel... I've never been on meds in my life until recently. My T has 30 years of experience, but... on the same token I have 30 years of experience being me and I know I feel sometimes... maybe not always but sometimes

Deepfried,

No apologies necessary. We all give and take around here so please don't feel bad about posting.

I am sorry that your T isn't understanding your point of view. In my experience with SSRI's and other AD drugs, I tend not to feel a darn thing so I can't say if the fact that you are able to feel is a sign of the drugs not working or not. One reason that I am not using the AD drugs right now (aside from not really being depressed) is that I feel numb on them and I really don't think that T would be very productive if I were totally numb. I think it is your body and should be your choice. If you feel like the meds are doing what you need then she needs to back off. I guess I'm not clear on why she doesn't seem to want you to feel or explore your feelings. If the ED treatment and your T seem to be at odds with each other then I am concerned about how you are to progress with these mixed messages.

I think what you have said here about feeling like even your T expects you to give up is so important. Would you be willing to tell her that? Perhaps write all of this down if you don't feel like you could get it all out verbally.

I am probably not much help, but it sounds like everyone needs to be on the same page and they need to respect that you know yourself better than anyone else.

Hi, Deepfried, and welcome to the forum...I think you need to feel free to post as much or as little as you are comfortable with...that is the nature of this forum, and what we try to do for eachother, here! So, no apologies neccessary! I am sorry that it seems your T doesn't want you to feel...that does seem counterproductive if it is true. I hope so much you will be able to work it out with your T.

Take care,

BB

DeepFried Please feel free to write anytime here. My thought about your T is this.....If you are really feeling this much about it, maybe you should look at a T that is involved with your other people already. It seems to me that your t has a different road scheduled for you and your 2 t's are going head to head. Don't give up ok?