I don't want to go into a lot of detail on the OF, but it looks very likely that I'm going to be ending with my T. We are at a total and complete impasse and regardless of who is at fault (somewhat both of us, but I feel T has been unprofessional at times) it appears that we just can't work together any more. Recent sessions have transpired in a way that leaves me feeling so unsafe that I feel that I can't stay. T still says she can work with me, but I can't stay under the conditions that are there and under threat of her "going away" if I don't do things her way (my perception of course, but also basically what she said). T has said more times than I can count lately that she feels like giving up and when people (anyone including her) get tired and have nothing left to give then they go away.

Anyway, I've met with another therapist once and I'm seeing her again next week. I'm also setting up a session with another. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I want to be in therapy right now. I've had like an 80% reduction in my symptoms since being on medication and nothing is stirred up right now so I think I might just leave well enough alone. I'm debating between having just one weekly session for maintenance vs stopping all together for a while and seeing how I do.

Right now I've asked for a one week break and after a week I'll decide if I'm going to go back and try one more time or go back and terminate. I really feel like the relationship is too broken to save and that even if we are able to resume some level of work that the fault line underneath is so big that it's only a matter of time until it ruptures again. It may be a case of having gone as far as I can with this therapist.

Even in the face of this huge two week long rupture with T I've been stable. No bad urges, no bad behaviors and I've been super engaged with my H and family.

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((((((((((((((STRM)))))))))))))))))

STRM... I'm so sorry to hear that it has come to this point with your T. I know how agonizing these decisions are. I just want to say that I'm glad you are doing okay and feel stable through this upset and upheaval in therapy. What is important here is what is best for you and makes you feel okay.

As for continuing therapy or not... I do think you need to consider if you will need a T to help you deal with some of the grief that is bound to come up when/if you part from your T. You have been with her a long time and have done a lot of work with her. I would think even if you are the one to decide to go that there would be some fallout of grief and pain. So maybe once a week to help you with this would be a good idea with a new T. I hope you find someone that can be a good fit for this work.

Whatever happens, I'll be here to support you as best as I can.

TN

You sound like you are dealing with things really well, I am rapt for you. I think it would be good for you to have a T lined up just in case you need some support after you end it with T.

After youngT dumped me - i had a psycho week, then went to a T straight away to keep me safe - and I was kind of dealing with things super well. A month or more has passed and now stuff is being dug up about youngT 's termination and I am so glad that I have the new T.

Stuff might come up for you - even when it is your choice to leave a T and you are in control - some issues and feelings might come up for you and having a T on hand will be good.

Wow STRM I’m a bit gobsmacked at how things are turning out with your T, and I am SO sorry it’s gotten so bad that you are seriously thinking of finishing with her.

I’m also really sad that things have come to this, after hearing for so long and so consistently about how good your T had been. What happened . And I say that deliberately because like others have said on here, you’ve had a strong and caring relationship with her that you’re bound to need to grieve, at some point. I can’t begin to imagine how awful things with her have been for you to get to this point where you’re so sure that the relationship is doomed, even if you resume working

I think it’s great though that you’ve already seen another T and have another one lined up as well, at the very least that shows you feel you have some control and are being proactive in looking after yourself. And that you’re ok enough within yourself to know when things aren’t going right and that they’re NOT your fault.

I hope that one or the other of the two Ts you are seeing will be helpful for you, even if only in supporting you in whatever decision you ultimately need to make. It sounds like you are leaning to taking a break from therapy altogether, which may be just what you need to get your bearings in what you want to do next. I’m mindful too though that once out of the therapy loop you may miss having the support you might need to grieve your relationship with T.

You are really in a bad place with this, I'm so sorry. But it's really good that you feel so much stronger with most of your symptoms gone and are able to deal with it so rationally.

Sending you lots of good wishes and all my support ((((((( STRM )))))))

LL

((((((((((STRMS))))))))))

I am so sorry that it has come to this, STRMS...I hold out hope that somehow things can be resovled, but if not, then know you are doing what is best for you. I am so sorry, but I'm very glad that you are able to function through this difficult time. I reacted to leaving my T by functioning better immediately, even though my heart was broken, and I strongly recommend that, if you do leave, you find a T where it can be safe to let a bit of the pain out little by little. I think it is really crucial. My heart goes out to you.

So many hugs,

BB

((((STRM))))

I'm so sorry that things have deteriorated with your T in such a way. I know not many of us would feel safe with the threat of being given up on if we could not perform just so. That is certainly a repeat of bad stuff we've experienced and I'm glad you know that there is a problem there which is not all on you. You sound like you're taking your time to make the right decision for you, which is great. I'm glad that things are feeling more stable and your time at home with your family is better. I agree with the others that having a T lined up, just in case you need some support during the change (if that ends up being what you decide), is a good idea. If, after a few weeks, you are really feeling you have no need to continue therapy, that's good. But, having a smooth transition from such intensive work to another phase in your life is important, I think. Thinking of and praying for you, truly. (((hugs)))

Liese: Thanks so much for the hugs. I really appreciate it.

DF: Thanks for your support. Yes, I'm not laying out any definite plans at this point in any direction. I think over time it will become more clear what I want to do as far as therapy. I really wish that I could stay and work with my T, but I honestly believe at this point that the relationship has been so shattered and irrevocably changed that I'm not sure it can proceed forward. The trust just isn't there and I worked so hard to develop it in the first place and to have it shredded the way it has been these past few weeks makes it really hard to take that risk again with her. I really appreciate your support and understanding no matter what I decide to do.

TN: I wasn't very clear in my post above. What I meant by stopping therapy was that after I go through this transitional period of the fallout grief and pain from losing T then I will need to decide where I'm at and if I want to proceed and go deeper again or just maintain or take a break for a while. Whatever choice I make I know that it can always be modified as my needs change. I am very aware that not only will I most likely experience grief over losing my relationship with my T, but I suspect it might cause a surge of grief as it relates to my feelings around losing my mom and also truly never having her in the first place. I will need help getting through that and that is why I'm interviewing T's right now and getting that support lined up. I am also doing some group work and my friends have been very supportive both in real life and of course online!

Somedays: Thank you for your kind words and relating your experience with the ending with young T. Like I said to TN, I am definitely going to have support in place for this transitional time. Thank you for mentioning that so that I could be sure to clarify what I had said above about stopping therapy.

LL:Gobsmacked just about covers it for me too! Honestly, if I look back I can see threads of what is going on now dating back to the beginning of working with T but I never envisioned our relationship ending this way. I also never envisioned that she would be capable of the behavior that she has shown the past few weeks or that she would hurt me like she has. We have done some really good work together and I've learned some valuable things from her and some things I will take with me and keep forever. I just don't think that we can be effective together anymore and if T is honest I don't think she believes we can be either. I really think she just wants me to be the one to pull the plug. I know I will need support in dealing with leaving T as it is a really hard decision to make. I feel in my gut and in my mind that it's the right one to make, but my heart is having trouble catching up. I know I need to walk away for my own health and safety it's just really hard to do.

BB:Thank you dear!! Yes, I have seen here how much improvement you've had since leaving your old T. I can really see the similarities in the situations. I am meeting with the two T's and then probably will set up consults with one or two others as well. I want to make sure that I get someone that I feel good about so that at a minimum I can process this departure from my T and whatever emotions come out of that. Thank you so much for the hugs and support.

Yaku:Thank you so much for the support and prayers. As I said to others above, I will definitely arrange for support during this transition. Whether I continue or not and choose to go further into therapy is a choice that I will have to make based on my functioning and feelings after I get through this decision. I don't have to decide that part now and I'm not pressuring myself to do so. My H has also said that he is open to whichever choice I make. It might mean taking a break, it might mean continuing and going deeper again or it might mean continuing but on a more supportive basis. Only time will tell.

((((STRM)))) I was surprised to read this news today, but I'm not sure why because it is true your relationship appears to have been in decline for awhile. I guess I was hoping things would turn around, but they haven't. So its really good you are being proactive in caring for yourself by taking these steps. I echo the others who have said they think its a good idea to have another T to back you up, whether or not you feel much grief in this current moment. The grief could be delayed, or even suppressed by your medication. I wish you well with the new T and the unknown path ahead.

(((STRM)))

I'm sorry that things have worked out this way. I wish I could say something that would help but I do think you sound like you are handling this as well as possible. I'm also glad your symptoms are under much better control. Please share how things are going when you are able to.

((((STRM))))

I'm so sorry that you've had to make this decision, but it seems like the best one at this point. I'm surprised (though I know not nearly surprised as you are) at how much her behavior has changed...I remember sometime, maybe a year or so ago, when you'd post about your sessions and your T just seemed so great. Now, from what you've posted, it's no wonder you have lost all trust in her. And I'm so sorry for that.

So glad you're getting some support during this transition, and I know whatever decision you make afterward regarding therapy will be the best one for you. I'm glad the meds are helping stabilize things a bit.

Again, really sorry it's turned out this way, but I have to say I'm glad you've made the decision to leave. Lots of hugs and kind thoughts to you as you go through this transition.

MH: Thanks. Yes, I've had misgivings for a long time and honestly I think that we are just stuck in a pattern that isn't going to be able to be broken because it's just too much like the past. I know I've probably been a pain in the ass to her, but at this point I really need to be able move forward with someone else that I don't have this pattern with. I have felt for a while that therapy is slowing killing me and I really can't keep doing it this way.

Incognito: Thanks. I will update more once I figure out what I am doing.

Kashley:You know, if I had things to do over again there are so many things that I would change or would have never started with T and I think these things have lead to the issues we are having now. I'm unable to break out of this pattern with T because she reminds me so damn much of my mother and T is rapidly losing her ability to step out of her personal reactions to me. I think I just need a new perspective and a fresh start. Thanks for your support!

You know, when I started therapy 2.5 years ago I thought I would be done fairly quickly. I had not struggled with SI or SU at all though ages ago I had some thoughts, but not urges and as a young child had some issues with SI, but none since. Anyway, since being in T I have gone downhill more than up. I've resolved some pretty big things and we've done some good work together, but I have never had such issues with SU feelings and urges or as intense of flashbacks or dependency issues until I worked with T. I feel like the regression has been so huge that it's almost like I not only associate my T with my mom (bad), but I also feel like I associate her with being in pain, having PTSD and having DID. It's like being near her triggers stuff. I tend to do really well when we have breaks and I function more normally and my H says I'm like the "me" that he knows. Since being on meds I hardly have any symptoms. I don't even feel like I have DID or PTSD. Sure, I have a few things pop up here and there, but overall I feel so much better and then I go into T and it's like I don't know what to do because I don't want to get sucked back into that (not saying she is trying to do that), but I don't know any other way to relate to her and then we get into power struggles and she may as just be my mom sitting there. Add to that issues that she's been having and her behavior of late and it's just not good for either of us anymore. I also feel like I've failed and can't even do therapy right. I know that I've tried, but on some level I probably tested my T too much to see if I was really too much and I think I've proven that I am. I don't think I'm beyond help or anything like that, but I do wish that I could have figured out how to make things work with her.

quote:

Since being on meds I hardly have any symptoms. I don't even feel like I have DID or PTSD. Sure, I have a few things pop up here and there, but overall I feel so much better and then I go into T and it's like I don't know what to do because I don't want to get sucked back into that (not saying she is trying to do that), but I don't know any other way to relate to her and then we get into power struggles and she may as just be my mom sitting there. Add to that issues that she's been having and her behavior of late and it's just not good for either of us anymore. I also feel like I've failed and can't even do therapy right. I know that I've tried, but on some level I probably tested my T too much to see if I was really too much and I think I've proven that I am. I don't think I'm beyond help or anything like that, but I do wish that I could have figured out how to make things work with her.

Oh ((STRM)) I'm so sorry everything has come to this! The two of you have been so good together, in spite of ruptures which become a part of the relationship building process, that I'm concerned that this could 'possibly' be the biggest part of therapy! WDIK? Everyone here has offered great advice/input and I think it's great that you are seting up consults to help with your decision - I just have concerns that to walk away from this situation rather than thrashing it out with your T and breaking through the 'mom' type barrier might not be in your own best interests long term!!

I'm sorry for jumping in when I haven't spoken for a long time and feel free to flush the above down the loo if irrelevant!!

Thinking of you, Morgs x

(((((STRM)))))))

I am sorry that it is coming to this, but given her comment about how people go away when they are tired and feel they have nothing left to give, it seems that she has checked out of your therapy. I know it won't be easy to term, but I really do think you are doing the right thing and I admire that you are taking actions to move on.

You sound very strong in your posts. Even though you have been hurt by your T, especially in recent weeks, I am picking up on this inner strength that tells me you are going to be okay through all of this, though I know it will be difficult at times. Sending you lots of hugs.

quote:

I'm so sorry everything has come to this! The two of you have been so good together, in spite of ruptures which become a part of the relationship building process, that I'm concerned that this could 'possibly' be the biggest part of therapy! WDIK? Everyone here has offered great advice/input and I think it's great that you are seting up consults to help with your decision - I just have concerns that to walk away from this situation rather than thrashing it out with your T and breaking through the 'mom' type barrier might not be in your own best interests long term!!

Morgs: No apologies! I'm open to any perspectives or opinions and I appreciate you popping in to give yours. You didn't say anything above that I haven't thought of. My T has said the same thing. She thinks that this could be a huge step forward if I will stay and work with it. I'm torn between believing her and taking that risk to see if this rupture could finally lead to breaking through all of the mom transference BS versus smacking myself for being an idiot if I stay and get hurt further. I can't give all of the details here, but the manner in which my T has behaved and the now very conditional restrictions she is putting on working with me are such a re-enactment and she knows it. Just staying with her and agreeing to her terms which I perceive as extremely controlling and basically a dictatorship leaves me in a place that if I comply I'm doing exactly what I had to do with my parents. I feel SO unsafe with her now that I don't even know how to get into what I know will be extremely vulnerable material with someone who I don't trust, I don't feel safe with and who I feel isn't being honest with me about her behavior and where she is at. On the other hand, I don't have much to lose if I try, as the relationship is already pretty much destroyed which of course makes it quite easy to tap into the anger about my mom, because all I have to do is think about how much I perceive my T is acting like my mom. However, because I don't feel safe and my T seems so reactive and unpredictable I'm a bit worried if we get into that I may just want to beat the crap out of my T or vice versa (not that I think she actually would physically hurt me). Not a safe scenario for either of us for sure. I think that my T has partially engineered this outcome and has poked and poked where she knew I was vulnerable to incite the anger that she's been pining after for forever. She has insisted all along that there HAS to be this rage in there and yet I haven't really felt it. I have said all along that if I'm not ready to go there then there is probably a reason so she needs to back off and while she usually holds that philosophy suddenly it seems that no longer applies. I feel like she really wants me to walk away and quit and most of me feels like I should because this is not a healthy relationship. The stubborn part of me feels like if she really wants me out of there then I'm going to stay and make her fire me (which doesn't mean that I'm going to go back and be a PITA). I don't want to let her off that easy by just quitting. If she really has set this up to make it impossible for me to stay (which is what it feels like) then I'll call her bluff. Does she really want me gone or is she being honest when she says she still wants to work with me while at the same time pointing to the door and saying I can leave. The conditions she has set forth feel so controlling that there is no doubt it will incite the anger she is looking for. I'm just not sure I want to go there with her. Bottom line, I'm not sure if I'm walking away from the biggest breakthrough I could possibly have or protecting myself from further abuse. It's really hard to tell.

LG:Yes, I feel like she is just burned out and exhausted and wants out. She knows how those comments are received (as threats of abandonment if I don't comply...just like my parents...we will only care for you IF...) and yet she continues to make them. Thanks for your support.

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