Unfocused anger (rant warning)

Posted

Thanks HB,

I woke up this morning at 4am feeling awful.

Among other things, I began to feel real anger, hurt and fear at my T for what I perceive as a real lack of connection, characterized by him being uncaring, cold, distant and unencouraging to me. These all fit the description of my father to a tee. I just hope that when I tell him all this tonight he can handle it.

I guess you'd call this negative transference, huh?

Thanks again, all.

Russ

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"May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun."

-Keith Richards

Posts: 534 | Registered: 23 August 2008

Ignored post by Russ posted

the dude

Posted

anger is a hard one, i think. i've been told it's a 'secondary emotion' which means there's usually something underneath the anger such as sadness, hurt, shame, etc. dunno if this sheds any light on your situation though.
scott

Posts: 628 | Registered: 24 June 2007

Ignored post by the dude posted

Posted

Thanks, Scott.

I think everyone is different and everyone probably has some variation of those feelings mixed up with/underneath the anger, or vice versa. They all seem related in one way or another to me.

Russ

----------------------------------
"May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun."

-Keith Richards

Posts: 534 | Registered: 23 August 2008

Ignored post by Russ posted

Posted

Thanks, HB,

It was a strange session and I'm not sure if we connected or not. I don't want to re-hash the whole thing, but one of his main points was that I need to stop viewing him as some all-knowing oracle with all the answers when my own instincts, thoughts and ideas are often clear and articulate...that is until I obliterate them with my retreat into feeling lost, defeated and helpless of course.

Oh, and when I complained about him not being direct when I ask questions, and how he dissects my questions into baffling nuance, he said, "instead of retreating into 'now I'm confused,' how about, 'just answer the f-ing question.'"

Hey, sounds good to me!

In any case, it was another strange night.

Thanks again for all your encouragement.

Russ

----------------------------------
"May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun."

-Keith Richards

Posts: 534 | Registered: 23 August 2008

Ignored post by Russ posted

Posted

quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird:
It really isn't luck, but perseverance has quite a lot to do with it. Changing our patterns of behaviour and how we think and react is the greatest challenge of your life. It is so hard that most give up because they don't believe it is possible for them.

But inside you there is a beautiful Russ just about busting to get out. He is the one who knows that a belly laugh is the most important thing you can do with your day. He wants more than anything to live wholeheartedly accepting whatever experience comes his way with delight because he is so damn happy just to be alive. He is the one that never forgets for even a second the extraordinary preciousness of life, the gift of friendship, the magnificence of a single moment of connection with another human being. He is the one you do this for.
HB

Thanks so much, HB. You're right of course. There does feel like there's another person inside me trying like all hell to get out, and I'm not speaking metaphorically.

I don't mean to dominate these threads with my frustrated rants. And I know that that's what they are...they're the voice and language of a frustrated person who flailing around desperately for "an answer." I truly appreciate everyone here tolerating me and not telling me to just shut the hell up.

I actually feel better at the moment. The sun is out, the weekend looks good and tomorrow I go for a massage, so it's not all gloom and doom.

Anyway, thanks again, HB. And thanks for everyone else here.

Russ

----------------------------------
"May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun."

-Keith Richards

Posts: 534 | Registered: 23 August 2008

Ignored post by Russ posted

Posted

quote:
Originally posted by Russ:
quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird:
It really isn't luck, but perseverance has quite a lot to do with it. Changing our patterns of behaviour and how we think and react is the greatest challenge of your life. It is so hard that most give up because they don't believe it is possible for them.

But inside you there is a beautiful Russ just about busting to get out. He is the one who knows that a belly laugh is the most important thing you can do with your day. He wants more than anything to live wholeheartedly accepting whatever experience comes his way with delight because he is so damn happy just to be alive. He is the one that never forgets for even a second the extraordinary preciousness of life, the gift of friendship, the magnificence of a single moment of connection with another human being. He is the one you do this for.
HB

Thanks so much, HB. You're right of course. There does feel like there's another person inside me trying like all hell to get out, and I'm not speaking metaphorically.

I don't mean to dominate these threads with my frustrated rants. And I know that that's what they are...they're the voice and language of a frustrated person who's flailing around desperately for "an answer." I truly appreciate everyone here tolerating me and not telling me to just shut the hell up. I mean, unless you really want to.

I actually feel better at the moment. The sun is out, the weekend looks good and tomorrow I go for a massage, so it's not all gloom and doom.

Anyway, thanks again, HB. And thanks for everyone else here.

Russ

----------------------------------
"May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun."

-Keith Richards

Posts: 534 | Registered: 23 August 2008

Ignored post by Russ posted

jane

Posted

Hi Russ
I totally can relate to your being so frustrated and angry. I feel that way alot myself. It's hard when folks ask what is wrong with you and you don't really know. I get that alot. So I say nothing. But that's not really the truth. It feels like everything is wrong. I feel like I just go around begging people to like me or even recognize me, but it seems like they never do. And THAT makes me angry and frustrated and tired of trying. But I can't seem to stop. I don't mean to, I'm just existing. But in that existence is interactions with other people. I try to seem/act "normal" but I'm always afraid they'll see through that and somehow know how desperate I am feeling. Did that make any sense? No probably not. I feel like therapy is pushing me over the edge. I kinda feel like as long as I don't go I can keep it all together, but with therapy, it gets out and I am SO afraid!!!
OMG. How crazy did all that just sound? I assure you that I am a real functioning member of society. LOL!!

Posts: 122 | Registered: 20 September 2008

Ignored post by jane posted