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Emotional Distress Leads to Breakthrough-I hope

justme 2justme 2Member
Last week I had some very intense transference feelings re-ignite for my T and wondered WTHeck?I realized that some strong emotions from my past were about to surface as this is often a prelude to that. So following is a journal entry I made of my expereince of which I welcome any feedaback.

It seemed out of the blue that I was experiencing some recurring, nagging, negative feelings/beleifs about myself in my other realtionships:

11/09/08 I wonder where my feelings of being excluded come from. Sometimes when my friends do things w/o me I feel excluded despite the fact that I know these friends would never exclude me. I don’t believe that I should be invited to every happening or event in my friends lives, but there are times that when I am not, I feel deeply hurt by that. For instance the camping trip this summer and the trip to Detroit Institute of Arts last January when my husband was out of town and I certainly could have used an outing like that. I feel like I am undesirable. That if I was desirable then I’d be thought of and asked to go along. I mean if I am as good of a person and friends as I want to be, then who could resist wanting to be with me, right? (Trust me this is not as arrogant as that sounds)I have these negative beleifs despite the fact that I am invited to do many things with my friends. And they do enjoy my company.

So where do these feelings originate? I gave that some consideration this morning and allowed my mind to try to explore it. I know those feelings were very strong as a child. I never fit in, I always felt excluded. Is it part of the youngest child syndrome added with so many years between my siblings and me? I never fit in with their lives; I was much too young to fit in. The only chance I had to fit in was with my cousins who were 2-3 years older than me and even that felt complicated at times. My sister-in-law used to get me and her little brother together to play once in a while and while he was nice and I thought we got a long well, I guess he’d complain to her that I was too bossy. So maybe I was not a joy to be around because I always had to have my way.-I don’t know. Going back to my cousins there seemed to be one way for me to fit in and that wasn’t a very healthy way to fit in at all. It creates a lot of turmoil for me to think that I must have believed that the only way for me to be loved and accepted was to do something (unacceptable) bad and to share in naughty secret games with my cousins. We were often cast aside by our older siblings who didn’t want us around so we had to find solace and a sense of belonging in ourselves. Outside of that I didn’t belong, I couldn’t relate to the “normalcy” that other children seemed to have to fit in with each other. Who could be normal when tied to an anchor of fear and uncertainty the way that I was? To be sequestered deep inside myself so no one could ever understand the depth and darkness of my world. I don’t blame myself now, but that doesn’t alleviate the pain that I am feeling today. Maybe I need to grieve this. Maybe I need to be the adult to finally have that far reaching kindness and compassion I desire for my little girl self and to reach deep inside of myself and let her cry. No one else was able to save me, but I can. I am trying to provide that. I want to listen. It hurts so very much and it even sparks my wondering how anyone else could ever understand how much this really hurts and how much this interferes with my finding purpose and meaning in my life. It is right in front of me but it still feels so unattainable, so vague sometimes and so out of reach as if it is only make believe, a fantasy; A mirage that disappears every time I seem close to being able to grasp it.

My right arm is becoming weak again. I feel exhausted and just want to go back to bed. I wish this could work itself out while I sleep so that I could wake up and not feel this way anymore. What is the significance of my wanting to kneel at someone’s lap and cry? I visualize that all the time with my T and I have done so with my husband a couple times, including just a few minutes ago where I wept bitterly for several minutes like a little child. I don’t like being a child in my husband’s arms, it seems so contradicting to what my relationship is supposed to be with him. I am a woman, his wife, not his child. He does such a good job comforting me and that is good, but becoming a child in his presence seems inappropriate.
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Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
JM,
I don't have a lot of time right now but I really wish you had been in my session this morning! This is exactly what my T and I were talking about (planning on posting more later Smiler) I think what you're running into is that you were lied to, over and over and over again, about your worth. You were not provided with the validation you needed so that you experienced a sense of yourself as essentially worthwhile. So when small things happen or go wrong, such as not being invited to a particular event, instead of being able to return fairly quickly to a base of I'm fine, just didn't work out this time, you return to primal message of "something's wrong with me, and this confirms it." The message of not being likeable, of not being acceptable is so strong and embedded on such a deep level, that when you check incoming information against it, it either gets discarded (if its something good about you because it conflicts with what you know to be "true") or (if its something negative) it then confirms the belief that something is wrong.

And we can't know that we're ok on our own, it only happens in relationship. And in our case, in a relationship that we actually feel safe enough to discuss feeling this way and have reflected back that its not true. I truly, deeply believe that these feelings grow out of your being lied to over and over again when you had no resources to discern the truth, which is that you are a worthwhile, valuable, attractive person who deserves love and friendship and care. You matter immensely.

But, speaking from experience and as very much a work in progress, it's insidious and difficult to dig out. The work you're doing with your T and being willing to talk about it here is what will heal it. I'm sorry for your pain, I know how this can eat you up inside. But I say as strongly as I can, those feelings are NOT the truth about you. You are a witty, intelligent, compassionate person with a great deal of courage and insight. I know that a lot of that will bounce off the beliefs inside but I can help put a crack in the wall of those beliefs. Smiler

And as for feeling like a child with your husband. Yes, it would be inappropriate if that's what you were like all the time. You're not. And its ok to let people who love us take care of us sometimes. Just because you have no expectation of that, doesn't mean it shouldn't happen. Big Grin

AG
justme 2justme 2Member
quote:
So when small things happen or go wrong, such as not being invited to a particular event, instead of being able to return fairly quickly to a base of I'm fine, just didn't work out this time, you return to primal message of "something's wrong with me, and this confirms it."

I am beginning to think that our T's are related or at least share the same mind. Big Grin

Thanks AG. As always, you are very reassuring to me. Big Grin I wondered if my words would convey the depth of my pain to anyone else or if it was too cryptic in detail that it would lack such an empathetic return.

I might post more later myself and I certainly look forward to hearing more from you and how your session went this morning.

BTW: I can't help but to say it: Only 2 more days until my T-day. Wish I could say that it seems like nothing in comparison to waiting 3 weeks. With so much going on sometimes weekly appointments just aren't enough.
janejaneMember
i feel like jm said . not likable, lovable, desirable, etc., etc., etc....and my t still hasn't called me back, and he's not going to. i am so disgusted with everything right now. and my next session is 8 weeks away!!! if i even go then. why bother? i can get this kind of treatment from anyone---for free!!! heck, i even get these feelings from myself--that's why i'm in therapy to srart with!!!
justme 2justme 2Member
AJB,
Have you called your T back at all? Seriously there may have been a lack of communication somewhere, even between his receptionist and him that has nothing to do with you. And it certainly has nothing to do with your worth! Please don't accept those old beliefs that you are unlikable, unlovable, undesirable or anything like that. We are working to get rid of those beleifs because they don't work. Whatever reason your T has for not calling you can be worked through. I implore you to call him back and tell him how upset you are.

JM
janejaneMember
thanks ag &jm.
no way i can call back though. don't know him THAT well. i'll just simmer through the next few weeks until they call with my next appointment. i don't even know if his clients call him. i just assumed it was a "normal" clinic with "normal" clients who will, on occasion, need to call between sessions for some extra help or questions or whatever. maybe he doesn't accept in-between calls?. i'm furious! and confused. and sad. i'll get over it.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
I have had the hardest time logging on tonight...but I'm glad I made it.

AJB...I'm sorry you are struggling and that your T has not called you back. I have had miscommunications with my T in the past and I have had to call again. I am confused as to why your sessions are so far apart. I would never survive an 8 week wait to see my T. I think I would forget what we were working on during that time. On another note... you seem to be very likable and reasonable. Do not beat yourself up over this as we all tend to do. Just keep posting and talking with us here. It does help to share the pain with others who can relate to how you are feeling.

To JM...I read your post today and then happened to be re-reading a book I particularly like called "Between Therapist and Client: The New Relationship" by Michael Kahn and came across something that you may be intereste in regarding what you wrote about fitting in. Dr. Kahn was actually referencing Heinz Kohut who was the "guru" of the self-psychology movement in therapy. This is what the book said:

The Need to Be Like Others

"The third need of developing self Kohut called the twinship or alter ego need. He thought that children need to know that they share important characteristics with one or both of their parents, that they are not too different from the world into which they have been born. If this need is met, the growing person develops a sense of belonging, of communal status. If this need is not adequately met, children are in danger of feeling that in some basic way they are not like other people, that they are somehow strange and don't fit in."

BTW, the first two needs are "mirroring" and "idealized parental imago". You could look up Kohut if you think you want to find out more. I think his ideas are pretty interesting. He believed if these needs are met by our parents we will develop a healthy self.

Hope this is helpful.

True North
janejaneMember
true north:

thanks for the support. my sessions ARE too far apart, but because my T is only in town once a week, and due to my schedule i can only take 2 of the very few slots available each week, i don't get in very often. i can drive for about an hour to see him on another day, but i usually don't. he doesn't seem concerned about it, so i don't ask. i don't want to seem too "needy"--even tho i might be. posting here really does help. i'm gonna check out your suggested reading for jm as well. thanks alot.
janejaneMember
quote:
Ignored post by AJB posted 10 November 2008 08:16 PM Show Post

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What would you be saying to us? Now extend the same grace and understanding to yourself that you extend to other people. You deserve it just as much.

AG:

SWEET!!!that makes so much sense! and you're right. i absolutely would be much more understanding to one of you. but...
i'm still mad because he didn't return the call. and i still feel like it would seem desparate of me to call again. so i'll wait...not 8 weeks tho. maybe a couple. lol.
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justme 2justme 2Member
AJB,

I hope you don't mind but I have what may appear to be an overly simplistic suggestion: Is it possible for you to see a second T while seeing this T every 8 weeks or whenever he is available? Perhaps a second T could fill in the gaps for you and form that alliance that Robin was talking about. She really has a point there. You need to be able to have more access to your T more. If this T cannot fulfill that for you and is otherwise helpful to your needs, then why not a second T?

BTW: I don't mean to be blind to the financial burdens that may bring up.
justme 2justme 2Member
True North,

Thanks for the book suggestion. I am always looking for a good read especially in regards to better understanding of my mental health. As I read what you quoted I immediately felt a deep void replaced by sadness. I know that the “twinning” or “mirroring” need was not met for me. (How many more ways will I find that my parents let me down?) The only chance it would have been was through my oldest brother-in-law whom I practically worshipped. Although he was someone I deeply admired and he was the only positive father figure I had, he did not live in my home where I tend to believe that a child needs that reflection to be more accessible. I used to follow him around and imitate his every move and believe everything he said. I don’t know if this was enough, but at least it was something.

My mother was too depressed and overwhelmed by raising 5 children and living with an alcoholic husband who promised he would never do this to his family.

Thanks again True North. This was very helpful and I will check it out for reading. Thank you for taking the time and care enough to reply.

JM
justme 2justme 2Member
quote:
he doesn't seem concerned about it, so i don't ask. i don't want to seem too "needy"--even tho i might be.

AJB,
I have one more thought in regards to this statement. He cannot be concerned about it if he doesn't understand your needs. If you're afraid to be too needy, and let me just say THAT sounds familiar, you likely are not expressing your needs, but holding them back. When we're "too needy" we risk losing or feeling vulnerable and weak, so we've learned to "edit" those emotions because it seems less painful than the rejection from having them. I think if you continue to allow yourself to express yourself as freely as you did on your last session you will eventually find that he is more accessible than you think and than you even think you deserve.

I used to hold back w/ my T and she used to tell me "You're editing." And I would get mad at her because here I am "pouring out my gut feelings, all my secrets, and fears and she accuses me of editing?!" Finally it hit me what she meant. It was a long time coming but it hit me like the brick fortress that I had built around me. I seriously think one of the pieces of stone tumbled down and struck me in the head. (I remember seeing stars Wink) I had really thought that I was fessing up all that time, but when I finally realized that I was telling my story with more like third person emotions, I decided to listen as I let my little girl self tell "her" story." Same story, but with deeper emotions with vital connections that would spring forth the change that I needed from deep within from being truly heard, not just by T, but by ME.

I hope I didn't run too far off track with this. I just want you to see where you're at and to know that many of us have been there too. Smiler
janejaneMember
quote:
perhaps you need a new T?


OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

i'm sure i could not even begin to imagine....
but i see your point. i know the timing is adding to my "stuff". i do dwell on it alot. i've been thinking about calling him again. i did my own journaling last night, and decided that i AM worth the phone call i requested(and his policy sheet fell out of my journal which stated that he understands there may be times we need him between sessions, and it said when that happened, we should call him and he will call us back(LIAR)).i decided that i am a strong person and not weak. I am undergoing alot of changes in my life right now, and i know it is all going to work out for my good!!
because i am a good person, and i thought about what i would say to one of you like AG said. it really got me thinking. i deserve that much too!
AG:
the hammer has been discarded!!LOL!

JM:

yeah, the financial thing is an issue. you who have insurance--BE THANKFUL!!!!!!
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
AJB,
It's a good thing to discard that hammer. Go ahead and call.

As for the too needy, I want to pass along something my T once said to me when I was talking about feeling too needy. (I have an Olympic Gold Metal in "Difficulties in Expressing Your Needs.")
He said "It's like not giving someone any food, then telling them they're too needy because they're hungry. Or turning off the heat in winter, and telling them they're weak because they're too cold.

It's not too needy, it's just plain need. Human need, reasonable need, that was not met. This isn't about something being wrong with you, this is about not getting what you needed. So now you need to get what is still possible to get and mourn that which you cannot.

Have I ever mentioned I have a really smart T?

AG

PS I have really good insurance, and I am very thankful and try never to take it for granted, knowing how difficult it can be for people to pay for therapy. On the other hand, they've been paying for so long that I do wonder what the **** my therapists are saying about me that they pony up all this money. Big Grin
justme 2justme 2Member
Who among us struggles with wanting to trust their T, knowing that they can, and that they should, but can’t quite give into it completely?

Here are my recent musings:

The conflict isn’t with my T, it is with my parents. How can something I already knew sound like such a revelation, you ask? Because I finally GET the full sense of it. Give the kid some Cracker Jacks folks! Big Grin

So what is the conflict? Better yet, what isn’t it? All through the developing of my relationship with My T I have measured everything she offered against the backdrop of the filters I had long ago inherited, which was pretty messed up in case that isn’t obvious enough. My T has consistently offered herself to me and I accepted it, but on MY conditions. The condition that it fits what I already know. How can anyone truly appreciate such a marvelous gift when it is skewed with such dysfunctional blunder? But the fact is it is not like that at all. What she offers me is true, in its purest form, and the most beautiful of gifts that one human can receive from another. Oh how we mourn and cry that we cannot have them to ourselves and that they are not our parents, for we know they would do such a better job in raising us and providing for our needs (even if this is half true). But this is the only place that hope exists. Once again I marvel at how I have something better than even her family has from her. Sorry T, I believe you are a terrific mother and wife and I would love to know first hand, but honestly, I have the very best of you, at your vey best and I don’t have to take your $@#t in return. Big Grin (meant with sincerest love and respect of course)

I don't know what's with me lately, being so "reflective." I am sure it has its purpose though and maybe tomorow I will find out.

JM
janejaneMember
ok guys. remember my last post where i gave myself that cool pep talk? well, i called back. and guess what!!

HE DIDN"T CALL ME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe the once could've been an oversight or a miscommunication, but twice? I DON'T THINK SO!!

so i was right. he absolutely can't stand me i guess. and i really don't know why, honestly. i can't think of anything "out of the way" i might've said or done...but it must've been something. now i feel like a total FOOL!!! i don't think i can ever go back and face him now, knowing he doesn't want to help me, or even talk to me...
riverriverMember
quote:
I had really thought that I was fessing up all that time, but when I finally realized that I was telling my story with more like third person emotions, I decided to listen as I let my little girl self tell "her" story." Same story, but with deeper emotions with vital connections that would spring forth the change that I needed from deep within from being truly heard, not just by T, but by ME.


JM - this is awesome! More light bulbs for me today! Little sister and I need to have a talk...

AJB - if this horrible situation were happening to me I would probably call back and vent every bit of frustration by cussing him out on his voicemail. Not polite or nice but polite and nice aren't working. Strong negative emotions might get him to call though. At least I would feel better.

I am so sorry that you are suffering like this.
justme 2justme 2Member
AJB,
I am furious FOR you! I wish I hadn't encouraged you to try calling him again. I really figured he'd be more responsive than that or I would not have encouraged you to stick your neck out again just to get hurt some more. I know you must feel so humiliated and let down. But I will go so far to say it was NOTHING that you could have said or done. His short-comings in his profession are HIS to own, not yours. After all he said that you could call between sessions and that he would call you back. You are still worth the call back. He failed not you! I will say that my T is very clear that if I call and want a call back that I have to specify I want her to call me back or she will assume that I just need to leave her a vm and that the connection is complete. But she clearly communicates that.

I think it's time you find a new T. Really AJB, there are some darn good ones out there that want to help you. But I also think you need to call him again like River said or write this guy a letter expressing exactly how you feel , whether you send it or not. You have the right to demsonstrate that your feelings are important.

Please hang in there!

JM
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
quote:
How can anyone truly appreciate such a marvelous gift when it is skewed with such dysfunctional blunder? But the fact is it is not like that at all. What she offers me is true, in its purest form, and the most beautiful of gifts that one human can receive from another.


JM,
Keep on being reflective, you're coming up with some amazing insights. I continue to struggle with really giving in to trusting my T and believing its real. But you articulated the feeling in a way I couldn't. That realization that the problem doesn't lie in what we're given, it lies in how our past colors our ability to receive it.

I am staying a lot more present in my sessions lately which is allowing me to see so much more of how my T feels. Its incredibly wonderful to feel his caring and attunement but it scares me to death because to trust it is to lose it in my world. But that's not the truth any longer. But it takes time to change those beliefs.

Your post was a powerful reinforcement of what's really going on. Thank you.

AG
janejaneMember
quote:
I have really good insurance, and I am very thankful and try never to take it for granted, knowing how difficult it can be for people to pay for therapy. On the other hand, they've been paying for so long that I do wonder what the **** my therapists are saying about me that they pony up all this money.


AG;

you are TOO funny!!
janejaneMember
RIVER, AG, JM:

OK. this is how desperate i got. i couldn't just let it go. he is in my LITTLE town today, so i called there and left ANOTHER message. this time he called. i was SO embarrassed that i didn't answer. (i do have a voicemail now though Big Grin). the message was in his usual "concerned helping" voice, stating i should call him back on his mobile. i'm not gonna. how immature is that?!

thanks for all your support. it was VERY helpful during this wierd episode. your words really meant alot!!
justme 2justme 2Member
AJB,

Maybe I'm missing something, but the fact that you called him twice at one office and he did not call back, but you call him at the other office and he calls you in his "concerned helping voice" raises some suspicions for me. Is it the same receptionist? Could it be this is the first time that he got the message? And he gave you his mobile number...I'd try that (and skip the receptionist entirely) and maybe even give him the benefit of the doubt, just one more time. Come right out and ask him if he got your other messages. If he says yes, then ask him why he did not find it important to return your calls and then let it rip.
janejaneMember
well, it takes awhile for me to DECIDE anything. i'm still thinking about it. i'm thinking of what i should say if i do call, and when would be the best time to call where i KNOW he won't answer and i could just leave a message---telling him how i practically forgot why i originally called because the feelings of rejection he triggered(validated) just kind of overshadowed everything else and just tell him i'll talk to him about it at our next session:IN SEVEN WEEKS!!! or maybe i won't call at all. after all, we can't really discuss it much over the phone anyway, not really. you are all the best. thanks for helping.
justme 2justme 2Member
I am glad I don't have to deal with a receptionist with my T. It's bad enough having to go through a receptionist to see my physicians and especially when they ask why you need to see the doctor. I feel like "why do you need to know any more than the fact that I need to be seen." The rest is personal.

I say get rid of the receptionist in this case because voice mail and a PDA works well for scheduling their own appointments. It isn't that complicated. If my T can manage that (who is self proclaimed technologically challeneged)then ANYONE can handle that.

Not that I have anything against receptionists, I used to be one and they are indisposable in some offices. But not a therapists office.

I wonder if the receptionsit isn't giving your T the messages. I have to say that something seemed suspicious to me the whole time you realted the no calls.

Anyway, I hope you can find a way to say what you need to say to him.
janejaneMember
i called back(when i was almost positive he would be working) and left voicemail. i know i sounded SO stupid. i got my words all tangled up and just kept repeating "you don't have to call back". i basically just told him thanks for returning my call, i was having a hard time and would talk to him about it at my next appt----in 6 WEEKS!! didn't even mention how upset i've been about the no return call business!!??it seems like i'm getting worse instead of better with all this therapy stuff. i feel like such a child! everything i say to him seems so immature and always seems to come out wrong!! i'm scared to death he thinks i'm crazy. i don't think i am. i work in a professional field and am raising 2 teenagers with my husband. i know everyone has their problems. why do i feel so needy and immature? and why am i so worried about his opinion? i pay him to help me but i'm too scared of what he'll think to let him see "the real me". sorry, rambling on and on...
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
AJB,
Hey, welcome to the wild wacky world of therapy!

quote:
i feel like such a child! everything i say to him seems so immature and always seems to come out wrong!! i'm scared to death he thinks i'm crazy. i don't think i am. i work in a professional field and am raising 2 teenagers with my husband. i know everyone has their problems. why do i feel so needy and immature? and why am i so worried about his opinion? i pay him to help me but i'm too scared of what he'll think to let him see "the real me". sorry, rambling on and on...


You feel that way because you're trying to get needs met from when you were very needy and immature. Its not a reflection on your competence now, its a signal of what you didn't get then. We are all born with need to be loved, cherished and assured that we are worthwhile. We are hardwired to stay close to our attachment figures for survival. when you start to experience those longings, many of which are from a time when you were pre-verbal, they don't appear in neat tidy packages. And of course, you struggle to articulate it. They hit you with the intensity you felt at the time when the stakes were literally life and death. And you're needy not because you are some kind of weak pathetic person (I am quoting the tapes that play in my head, btw NOT any impression I've gotten about you) its because you had legitimate needs that went unmet. So its ok to stumble around and struggle and feel confused. That's how everyone does it.

And let me tell you, I've had to go six weeks once (our three week vacation followed directly by his two week vacation, followed by a grandchild of his born at a very inconvenient time for me. Smiler) and I was practically crouched in a corner whimpering by the end. That's a long time and I totally get why it would be difficult.

And as for being scared of letting him see the real you? How did that work out for you when you were little. When I was a kid, the most dangerous thing in the world was to move close to people, let them see the real me and make my needs known. Almost inevitably led to me getting hurt. So I learned on such a deep level its not conscious that moving towards people is NOT something you do. Moving towards my T has been the scariest thing I've ever done. And I'm still working on letting him see the "real" me.
Although he seems to have a much higher opinion of her than I do. Smiler

AG
justme 2justme 2Member
Not to run over where AG already eloquently answered, so bear with me:
quote:
seems like i'm getting worse instead of better with all this therapy stuff.

It just FEELS that way sometimes, but you ARE resisting quite a bit, (relax, we ALL do)and I know that adds to the feeling that it's getting worse when you're really not, your just in a different place and you're testing the waters so to speak. So be patient with yourself.
quote:
i feel like such a child! everything i say to him seems so immature and always seems to come out wrong!!

If I could only count how many times I've expressed this to my T. You know what she tells me? YOU ARE a child in this right now. This is age appropriate for when you initially got stuck here." So it is normal to feel like a child in therapy, otherwise we wouldn't be there. And for speaking sophisticated sentences...no child is able to do that and it IS the child who needs to speak, btw. Smiler
quote:
i'm scared to death he thinks i'm crazy. i don't think i am. i work in a professional field and am raising 2 teenagers with my husband.

I hear you "saying" it, but it's not your T who still needs convincing that it's true. This is striking an "inner" conflict because it really isn't a "belief" yet. But that will come. The critical voices we hear are usually voices we adopted from our parents or someone else in our childhood and we project them onto everyone else as saying them when they are not. No matter how GOOD we were, no matter how well we did at something, we were NEVER quite good enough and that is the unfortunate legacy many of us have had to carry around.
quote:
i know everyone has their problems.

But that does not minnimize YOURS! If anything it should tell you that you are entitled to your own, right? Wink
quote:
why do i feel so needy and immature?

You are NOT defined by your needs. And your needs do not make you "NEEDY" in the negative sense that we have learned that having needs means. All humans are needy -at least the healthy ones. It's the ones who fail to see they have needs are the ones we have to worry about. Big Grin
quote:
why am i so worried about his opinion? i pay him to help me but i'm too scared of what he'll think to let him see "the real me".

Because he is important to you. He is a significant fixture in your life that has agreed to embark on a very persoanl and intimate journey with you and you are worried that this relationship is going to measure up the same way all your previous relationships have. He WANTS to see the real you because that is the only way he can help you. But it takes time to bulid that trust and you will surrender to it when you're ready and he will wait patiently until you do.

I hope this wasn't too repetitive of AG. Just consider it an emphasis. Same book, different author. Wink

JM
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
quote:
It's the ones who fail to see they have needs are the ones we have to worry about.


JM,
That brought back, vividly, something my T once said to me. "You think that expressing your needs is really dangerous, but what is really dangerous is being unaware of them." I know such smart people. Smiler

And I don't think you were repetitive at all, there was a lot of good stuff I didn't go anywhere near. And expressed with an eloquence I often envy. Smiler

AG
thedudethedudeMember
Feelings
Gemini

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

Feelings, feelings
Like I've never lost you
And feelings like I've never
Have you again in my heart.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.

Feelings, feelings like I've
Never lost you
And feelings like I've never have you
Again in my life.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.
Feelings...

(song in a very bad falsetto by the Dude!)
Wink
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