I had my fourth T session of the week this morning. I was able to come up with a list of things that I thought might help Little Kate with processing this memory. I took her favorite stuffed kitty which she held the whole time, told T that music would be good (more about that in a minute), brought mints in case the memory brought up bad taste again and said that T needed to sit with Little Kate while we worked. All things T agreed to and thought were great.

T decided to use modified EMDR with Little Kate to process this memory. We used the buzzers, but she let me tuck them under my legs which was great because Little Kate self soothes with her hands quite a bit and I hate holding the buzzers and knew she wouldn't like it either. It was intense, but T was right there reminding her that she was safe, it was back then and not happening again now and that T would be with her. I remember it, but it is like a distant dream. T held her when she was really upset and then in the end played music. I knew I had heard it before, but I just figured out where from. It is from a CD called Songs for the Inner Child. She played 2 songs, the first was How Could Anyone and the second was It's a Joy to Get to Know You. It was really special for Little Kate and made her feel very cared for and calm which was great especially after the intensity of the memory. My hair was messed up again and T did the sweetest thing and took her hand and fixed my hair for me. I was in the process of coming back up front when that happened so it really stuck with me. For some reason I just thought it was the sweetest thing for her to do. It felt nice.

I have a horrible headache now and I'm very tired, but hoping that everything is settled and nothing else bad comes back. We processed one out of 4 memories that are causing issues so I hope they stay tucked away for a bit!!

(((STRM)))
That was so good to hear, I'm really glad that things went so well and that Kate was so well taken care of. Your T sounds like a wonderful woman. And I love that you were able to take in her fixing your hair, such a tender gesture.

And of course you're exhausted, this stuff is really hard work. Take good care of yourself. We want to keep you on the right side of the universe, things stay in balance that way.

AG

Thanks AG. Yes, that is exactly how I experienced it. Very tender and heartfelt. It was nice.

Yes, must stay on the this side of the Universe. I'd hate to be responsible for tilting the whole darn thing out of balance.

Now if I could just get rid of this migraine that I've had since we did the EMDR. Grrrr!

SO glad to hear it went well STRM!! Your T sounds heavenly. I hope that nasty migraine goes away and that you get some well-deserved rest.

Hugs,
SG

How wonderful! I love the idea of hold the fav stuffed kitty. I hope your migrane gets better too.

quote:

Originally posted by janedoe:
How wonderful! I love the idea of hold the fav stuffed kitty. I hope your migrane gets better too.

Yes, that was Little Kate's idea. She brushed kitty's hair before we went so he wouldn't look so scruffy. T petted her kitty too and that made her happy.

STRM,
So good to hear you are feeling better. Reading about the connection and your experiences with your T always makes me cry....How amazing. I listened to How Could Anyone - sobbed. Indeed, how could anyone?

Also I saw your concern on another thread and want to say that your posts referring to DID do not bother me in the least. I think you talking about it is a gift to those who read it, and bet there are many people suffering from DID that find strength in the way you can be open about it here.

Thank you Seablue.

That song is a tear jerker for sure. Little Kate was crying listening to it, but it was partially from the aftermath of the memory, feeling close to T and also the song. I remember listening to that song a while back and I had to turn it off because it made me cry so much.

STRM, wow, i think that sounds so healing to me, and i admire your bravery in going down that road. T3 took me 'there' once and it was scary and i didn't want to 'play', panic! she asked to hug me afterwards and i wouldn't let her. i don't know, i admire your bravery, and you 'normalize' this area a bit with what you and others have said, so maybe i feel more comfy...less STRANGE...in doing some of this stuff that might ACTUALLY lead to healing. i know what you mean about later, i call it 'aftershocks' of being in therapy that day, and i go to bed early, dinner needs to be done in advance and no real 'needs' on mom that remainder of the day. thanks for sharing, as it opens up ideas for me, and i am glad YOU are whittling down the list of issues to heal. that is progress, my sweet friend!! congrats! jill

Not up to posting much STRM but I wanted to say that I'm glad that things worked out so well for you and Kate and that your T was so comforting. having a T you trust and can stand by you means so much.

DF, I often got that deeply penetrating look from my T. He can just look into my eyes during a really difficult moment and it calms my nervous system down. I can only call it some limbic resonance or limbic connection that works on a very deep level. It's very specific to the person... it does not work with just anyone.

My T does not touch my hair or face or anything and probably because he is a male that would seem a boundary violation of sorts. But he does give wonderful bear hugs and he has held my hand upon leaving in sort of a handshakey way without the shake part. It makes all the difference in both grounding me back to reality and in letting me know I'm not so repulsive.

TN

Thank you DF, Jill and TN.

TN: Thank you for responding in the midst of such a hard time yourself. I hope that you can find a way to work things out with your T. I'm so sorry it is so hard right now.

DF: No, the little parts have not yet been able to look directly at T. That is hard. Some of us adults can do so for a small amount of time, but not very long. Little Kate just recently started connecting physically with T at all and is still getting used to that level of closeness and vulnerability.

Jill: Yes, I usually try to put dinner in the crockpot on therapy days, keep everything quiet and low-key when I get home etc. My husband knows that I usually need to be alone in my room on T days and usually handles most of the kid stuff for a while for me. It is still early for you with T3. You will get there, but it isn't something to be rushed. I've been seeing my T for like 15 months and just started to get to this more intense and connected level.

STRMS

So pleased you got through all that hard work and were helped and held so gently by your T. I hope that the horrible migraine goes soon, your poor head has had such a battering, it's probably understandable it's protesting now.

Well done for processing one of those nasty memories, that takes real bravery STRMS - I too so hope that it stays away for good now. All starfish 5 legs really crossed for you STRMS. Please let me know if it stays away for good - that will give us all real encouragement, but even if it does come back, hats off to you for working towards that so bravely.

starfish

STRM I'm so pleased for you - hard work lots of fear and pain yet you're getting there. Hug for you and for little Kate too.

LL

Thank you so much Starfish and Lamplighter.

My head still hurts off and on, but not as severe as yesterday. I've been fluctuating between being pretty ok and not ok. I thought I was going to have to call my T this afternoon, but things are a bit better again. I really don't want to call her on her cell over the weekend. She said to call if I needed to, but I don't want to need to.

One thing that was exciting is that last night, I got to hold a real baby kitty and Little Kate was just pleased as could be with that!! It was nice for her after such a rough day.

quote:

Originally posted by monte:
STRM, glad to hear you've survived another round. Your T is an angel and a mother and a friend...and all those wonderful things. What a blessing for you. Hope you continue to cope with things as they arise.

Monte

Thanks Monte. Yes, my T is an angel and has the patience of Job. She definitely feels motherly at times as well which is such a weird feeling because she is nothing like my mother was. I wish that everyone who needs a T could find one that fits as well as mine fits with me. I have the utmost empathy for those still looking for the right fit. It is so important and I am eternally grateful that I have found my T.